This is a genuine question— where do redpill men get the idea that women LOVE being with “bad boys”/borderline abusive men??

xvszero · 2023-04-28T20:12:38+00:00

So, as someone who used to think like this, what happened in my case was I was a "good guy" who was single all the time while many women I knew were dating guys that ended up cheating on them or whatever. It seemed like guys like me got ignored and jerks got girls.

Here are a few issues with my old way of thinking though:

When I actually thought deeper about it, a lot of the women I knew were dating perfectly fine men and had good relationships too. It was a mix really, some had decent guys, some didn't. Like any group really. And in my current circles I'd say most (but certainly not all) people I know have good partners. It really depends who you surround yourself with.
When I actually thought deeper about it, of the guys I knew (and didn't just hear about second hand), most of them seemed like alright dudes at first? Like they weren't immediately obviously BAD BOYS I just threw them into that category AFTER they cheated or whatever so I could get all WHY DO GUYS LIKE THAT GET GIRLFRIENDS BUT I DON'T?! But it's not always predictable. And usually the women left them immediately or soon after the cheating.
Yeah, some women do end up in shit relationships where they get treated like garbage and don't leave. If you actually talk to these women though, they sure as fuck don't LOVE it. They actually really, really want the guys to treat them better. But they tend to have self worth problems that lead them to shitty men and make it hard for them to leave. Many of these men know how to exploit this type of woman too, convince her to cut off friends and family and such so it becomes even tougher to leave.
Finally, there are certain traits that are not bad traits at all (confidence, assertiveness, etc.) that a lot of asshole guys have in greater numbers than "nice" guys. It's usually the shy "nice" guys who have issues finding a partner, and they see the "assholes" get partners but ignore that it wasn't the asshole behaviors that attracted the women to them (which again, those behaviors aren't always obvious right away, people tend to put their best foot forward) but just the confidence, assertiveness, etc.

And so on. So I can look back on it now and be wiser. But young, lonely me needed to explain it somehow so I picked a dumb explanation.

wandering0101 · 2023-04-28T18:11:51+00:00

First of all red pillers tend to say those things because they couldn't end with the girl that they like. And they start to project that all women like the bad boys.

Allusionator · 2023-04-28T18:04:23+00:00

They like it because it’s a double excuse, this is why nobody loves me AND this is why it’s okay if I’m awful to women. Men who routinely talk to women and are friendly/sociable will always end up with a date as long as they’re realistic about finding someone of a similar level of attractiveness/status.

md22mdrx · 2023-04-28T18:41:37+00:00

Some women do. I don’t get it either.

RedPill just trying to capitalize on this behavior for fun and profit. I do NOT condone this, but you asked.

ShelbySecretary · 2023-04-28T18:38:36+00:00

If I could guess based on personal experiences, I would say it's probably the Stockholm Syndrome that makes them extra compliant regarding abuse and fear or their fawn response that makes it look like they enjoy it.

There are a lot of trauma responses they utilize and they just describe it in a very dysfunctional way. They're very typical responses to men like that and I can see their confirmation bias being triggered just by how it looks.

Just because she's fawning or trying to be extra nice to get it to stop doesn't mean she likes it.

StarTrippinn · 2023-04-29T03:40:58+00:00

This is so crazy to me because men like women who treat them like shit as well. While dating, I've met sooooo many men who have talked about the women they loved the most and all of those women cheated and treated them like shit.

Honestly im tired of coddling these insecure little boys. A lot of them are boring and weird and women don't want to hang out with them. I dont see why that's women's issue as a whole.

gastationdonut · 2023-04-28T20:31:05+00:00

It’s so they can deny any fault within themselves, typically. In those discussions, they ARE the abusive men, but it’s incredibly easy to shift the blame to an imaginary entity who can’t defend themselves.

Abuse is viewed as one of the most reprehensible things someone can do to someone else and if these men can easily say look he’s worse, then they can project an image of feigned superiority while doing nothing to improve themselves. Abusive men already pave the way for lazy men who don’t hit women or call them horrible names, so why not capitalize off that to avoid taking accountability for one’s own toxic behavior?

CalmLake1 · 2023-04-28T21:01:47+00:00

I'll try and help but I like to say I'm speaking for myself. I got the idea from confirmation bias, and videos to support it. Most teenage boys and young men's life experiences were based around highschool and college. And with only this experience, it seems like there were no such thing as regular/average. It was hard to portray your true self, because it wasn't what was popular or trending at the time.

Most times you got bullied or ignored, because you liked something that wasn't in the norm. On the other side of the fence you see the different types of badboys. Whether it be the frat boy, the hood nigga, the pretty face, whatever. Those types of boys and men got positive attention, and female attention. So the first confirmation bias comes up as " looking this way gets you bitches, acting this way gets you bitches. Be like this, you get bitches".

Sometimes online you see a woman venting about the men they've been with. Some made babies with the badboys and regret it. Some would talk about how they now want a good man to date and stuff, or the nerdy geeky kind of guy. In my mind when I see those vids it comes off so fake, and hypocritical. Cause it's not because you actually like this type of person, it's more like you think they're not gonna treat you how the bad boy treat you, so ur settling for someone your not that attracted to in the first place, cause it's safer. Is it wrong to think like this? Yes. But that's what it feels like. And the confirmation bias " proves" it. Its also why we men have a hard time believing when you girls have to say. Especially when it comes to what you like in a man. It seems like it never lines up with what your actually attracted to, and what you will give your time too. Basically it feels like you lying to our face, and smiling.

They're a lot of other factors that play here. But you can't deny that these type of individuals are just sexually attractive. They don't look like the average man/women. We have no choice to acknowledge them. Maybe it's the hyper masculinity, the neck tattoos, the clothes, the physique, it just screams sex and everyone wants a piece. Same goes for for the women too. Ig baddies and stuff. It's just a lot of us internalized it and projected that every girl wanted a badboy.

bigchangemichael · 2023-04-28T19:08:28+00:00

Because they don’t realize how borderline abusive men seduce women in the first place. A borderline abusive man knows that he has to first put a woman at ease, make her feel comfortable, butter her up and make her feel special. And then he turn’s abusive.

There are some women that do get turned on by guy that exhibits straight up abusive behavior but I find those girls are usually the party girls that hangout at nightclubs.

grimoiregirl · 2023-05-01T02:02:48+00:00

If you have a crush on someone and they choose someone else, you are already mentally primed to notice their faults because obviously you dislike them on some level for a while.
Redpill men who start out as lonely and finding it difficult to get a relationship have a hard time understanding that men willingly turn down sex and relationships with non compatible partners because they have a scarcity mindset, opening them up to the idea that women are "gatekeepers" and this leads to many of them (Stefan Molyneux used to be super popular and he talked about this a lot, I think I've heard Jordan Peterson do it, too.) believing that women's choice in partners creates a kind of soft eugenics effect where evidence of men who are aggressive is proof that women must prefer aggressive men or they wouldn't be able to pass on their genes. (This theory also goes along with the statistics about how sometimes when people are raped, their body still climaxes, usually in statistic form so they don't have to admit that when people climax from rape it's often incredibly traumatic and can imply that the data says rape isn't real.)
A healthy relationship is one where neither partner gets their way all the time. Redpill ideology teaches that real, feminine women are happiest when they are submissive, so submissiveness can be used to measure happiness- if a woman does what you say, it must be because she is happy. If a woman is unhappy when pushed to be submissive, it must be because she isn't really feminine. In relationships with an abusive partner, the other partner typically does do everything they can to try to avoid abusive behavior and that typically means that the abusive partner DOES get their own way in a lot of things instead of needing to compromise- right up until the abused partner finds a way to leave.
Some men genuinely do have anxiety about initiating everything from sex with a partner to conversation with attractive women, and this fear is directly tied to misunderstanding what women are talking about when they complain about rude men hitting on them. If you haven't seen it or talked to many women about their experiences, you might see women venting in a vacuum and draw the wrong conclusions. Some of the nicest younger men I've met who have social anxiety are terrified of being the type of dude who says and does gross, creepy things by accident. Sometimes a small dose of "I sound like a jerk but maybe she likes it!" can help with this in the short term. Some redpill advice is geared this way, such as telling men that they will probably face a lot of rejection in ratio to success because it's a "numbers game," and even extremely attractive people have this problem.
The toxic patriarchal standard for women tends to skew in the direction of not talking about men who are doing well, because it can incite bullying from other women. A lot of dating advice for women used to talk about how women should avoid saying anything too nice about their exes that might make new men feel worried- women also sometimes will have multiple suitors, but talk one down to the other to try to make him understand that she prefers him, but she's flirting with that other guy for fun until things get serious. Some men see women complaining about an ex who treated them badly at the end and how she was so into him that it hurt and draw the conclusion that she was really into the abusive behavior. This happened with an ex of mine. I told him when we met that I wasn't interested in a relationship because I wasn't over my ex, who lied and did some messed up things that made me leave him, and he heard that and tried to do WORSE things. I didn't tell him that I fell for that guy because of the long, detailed letters we sent to one another, or the fact that I felt safe to confide in him, or that we planned every date we had out like a heist, or that he complimented me all the time and it was like he genuinely found my personality and my lifestyle and my body super attractive without me feeling like he was just lying to get sex, or that not many people in my life made me feel like they believed I was capable and he did. So all he heard was "She wants a jerk, I'll be a jerk."
Abusers who lie will promise a girl the moon. They will set it up to make sure she has no way to verify that she isn't getting the moon. A good liar will not compare in the short term to a good man being honest. This happens with abusive women, too, but redpill ideology encourages men to see this as human nature when women do it, and also women believing liars as evidence that the women are lying about what they want rather than being lied to.
Men often gravitate to the redpill after heartbreak or a period of chronic loneliness, and they are often the type of people who are taught that the best way to make decisions is based on "facts and logic" in such a way that leads them to be unable to acknowledge that human beings are inherently biased thinkers and everyone has a right to their emotions. The repressed anger at a specific woman, like an ex, or maybe a group of women such as the friends of a woman you were interested in who encouraged her to look elsewhere, still exists and needs an outlet. Redpill always couches whatever it wants to say in statistics, even if those statistics aren't telling the whole story clearly (See: Female Delusion Calculator- I put in my standards for height, weight, income, etc and got 3% of men, but that turns out to be roughly 5 million men in the US.) so it may give men a sort of permission to feel their rage, especially if you tell them women secretly enjoy being raged at- and in the short term, if attention is better than getting ignored, women will argue with you online about redpill- if you feel like nothing you do gets women to pay attention to you, maybe that's genuinely an improvement.

Soft-Neat8117 · 2023-04-28T20:04:56+00:00

Because women won't fuck "nice guys" like them. Instead of realizing that they can't get laid is because they're not as nice as they think they are and have no desirable qualities, they blame it on women for choosing men who have actual attractive qualities.

ajpiko · 2023-05-05T20:36:56+00:00

never met a girl that throws herself after a dude that treats her poorly?

Kurenai_i · 2023-05-05T23:26:40+00:00

Most of the time these "bad boys" which are usually just extremely toxic , narcissists and abusees . Come off as very charming cz they play a character that women are attracted to . They are usually very nice at the start . And not until u r deep in the relationship and possibly baby trapped that the mask comes off . So they arent attracted to their real self that they are hiding . They are attracted to the charmimg and charismatic character that they play . And then , it comes off and bad things happen . Nobody actively choses to be stuck in a dangerous situation.

GirlGazing · 2023-05-11T04:24:59+00:00

It’s a belief that conveniently helps them justify their own selfish, abusive, narcissistic behaviour.

Petyr111 · 2023-04-28T19:24:42+00:00

Girls try actively to defend serial killers and other psychos.

Let's stop victimizing women.

Petyr111 · 2023-04-28T18:43:36+00:00

This comes from the social perception that women go for them. Because women like power and bad guys have power. Nice guys have no power. So they tend to prefer men in positions of power. They don't see guys being bad. They only see power that's why they prefer them.

Now, if women REALLY disliked abusive men, why they are with them all time? Why they get stuck in these toxic relationships with these guys when they could easily find a better one? Why they go back to their exes who did bad to them but promissed to change or any bs?

The answer is that they have some form of power which attracts women. And men in power usually are evil in someway.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2023-04-29T02:59:52+00:00

Hybristophilia. Only women have it.

thestruggle-isreal · 2023-04-28T23:15:57+00:00

Women don’t like borderline abusive men but the bad boy archetype ? They tend to like that

goodforpartsonly · 2023-04-28T19:09:25+00:00

Seems like this forum confuses anyone who complains about women with "red pill". Just because some angry guy on the internet hates women means he's red pill, though there's overlap sometimes.

In the many hours of videos I've watched, I've never ever heard anyone advocate physical abuse.

Title	This is a genuine question— where do redpill men get the idea that women LOVE being with “bad boys”/borderline abusive men??
Author	avocado-afficionado
Upvotes	27
Comments	145
Date	April 28, 2023 5:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1324lbk/this_is_a_genuine_question_where_do_redpill_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/this-is-a-genuine-question-where-do-redpill-men.1217400 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217400

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