Can age gap relationships stunt the mental development of the younger person?

dancedancedance7 · 2021-07-31T08:15:49+00:00

I think it can cause issues. I dated a guy in his late 20s when I was 22 and wow it was not great. After I left, my life improved 300x.

He often made remarks about my "immature" interests 🙄 - going out dancing, taking trips, going to concerts and museums - and tried to convince me into doing more "adult" things with him 🤡 - like boring BBQs and board game nights with his friends... all the damn time. He shamed me for being a workaholic because I picked up extra shifts to make more money during the holidays - I skipped his family events but I had bills and a car loan to pay off and he sure as hell didn't want to help with it. He also wasn't in a rush to put a ring on it so his family events <<< my finances. I don't think a younger guy would have known the right buttons to press to make me feel as bad.

The worst part was I really questioned myself and believed maybe I am immature and go too hard at work. Never again 👑.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-07-31T09:11:00+00:00

I definitely think it can stunt you if you get caught by a man who fetishizes a young bimbo act (most men), or wants to talk down to you, or "show you the way" to do things.

fireforestfairy · 2021-07-31T11:29:48+00:00

The younger person is at a time of educational and career development. Most guys who date women significantly younger than them are scrotes looking for someone to manipulate. The time women waste dating these men could have been better spent on their educational or career development. So yup, dating older scrotes have an opportunity cost.

Platipus6 · 2021-07-31T13:04:12+00:00

Yeah the older man is dating down because he’s stunted in his teens and will drag you down lower. He won’t want you to grow and surpass him.

These dudes aren’t mental giants looking to be altruistic mentors. They’re opportunistic predators looking for self gratification and to freeze time.

Sage_Planter · 2021-07-31T12:30:48+00:00

An age gap can impact the development of a younger person. There's two major ways this happens:

The younger person learns to rely too much on the older person as they're entering adult life without having to ever be self-sufficient. This can happen in same age couples, too. Part of growing up is fumbling to learn how to be a grown up, live on your own, furnish your apartment, struggle by yourself, etc. If you have someone to support you (esp. an older, established man with more resources), you're less likely to go through some of those crucial life experiences.
The younger person simply adopts the lifestyle of the older, established man because that's all he's offering. In your early adult years, you're supposed to explore and experiment. This is when you get to figure out who you are. An older man already knows who he is, and he's going to be pressuring you to adopt his lifestyle. He already lives where he wants to live, has the routines he wants to have, does the hobbies he wants to do... There's less room for figuring things out since he's already figured his out.

bioqueen53 · 2021-07-31T13:41:42+00:00

If the woman has children with him, especially a daughter, she treats the daughter more like a sister than a daughter. She doesn't know healthy boundaries or how to be an adult.

Source: my mom shared all her childhood trauma with me when I was as young as 6. I didn't look forward to her taking me to school because I would just have to hear sad story after sad story. By the time I was 8, I started telling classmates I was suicidal, because I was. I would cry every day at school.

I'm in a healthier place now, but holy shit. I mourn my childhood self, and I don't understand how teachers didn't see what was happening or intervene. If I had a student that was like that, I would report it immediately.

Jinxhourglass · 2021-07-31T13:22:53+00:00

Ive seen it stunt growth because the woman in the situation became codependent on him. She specifically started dating him because he had a car and an apartment. That was impressive to her at the time because she was too young to have those things. That’s where it began and ended. As she got older and more independent, her man stagnated and she ended up financially supporting him like he was a kid after she started making her own money.

Vaahla · 2021-07-31T13:40:35+00:00

I think it adds a layer of complexity to poor self image/self esteem and development of self.

When someone is calling you and your interests immature all the time, lording their extra life experience over you, belittling your accomplishments because they did them a decade ago…it erodes your self esteem and causes you to doubt yourself and your judgement overall.

You don’t get to develop as an individual because your partner has already done X, Y, Z so you miss out.

It also makes you less worthy of the milestone events, no more milestone birthdays because he’s older and 25,30 are no big deal. He was married already and did the big wedding for his first wife and he ain’t doing anything like that again. First promotion? Meh. First layoff? Back in my day I was fired every other week. First kid? Only for you, he’s got 2 teens that don’t really talk to him and can’t afford to go on vacation because sends a chunk of money to his ex every month.

You spend your whole life being told to respect your elders, parents know best, teachers and bosses dictate every minute of your day. You don’t figure out until you’re a real adult yourself that adults don’t know what the fuck they’re doing either, just bossing people around according to emotion and whim instead of logic.

So when that older guy tells you how it is, you’ve been conditioned to believe him. And until you’re an adult yourself you don’t understand how fucking stupid most people are.

glendoraza · 2021-07-31T11:40:12+00:00

The brain actually never stops developing. It develops cradle to grave (more accurately conception to grave)

curiousiberiantiger · 2021-07-31T09:49:15+00:00

i think i read somewhere that teen pregnancies & giving birth with difficulties before 25yo causes some sort of brain damage but i also guess it's cause they find it hard to get an education / find a job to become financially independent and bear children at the same time their mind is preoccupied with the most basic survival stuff also male partner mental abuse makes cptsd regression a reality

raindropsonnoses · 2021-07-31T14:27:28+00:00

To me, age gap relationships, especially when the younger one just entered their twenties, is like a parent-child relationship. They're looking for someone to fill their missing parent figure. Same with young men who seek relationships with older women. You will recognise these women will have taught how to present himself, how to dress, how to adult basically. It definitely stunts the younger person''s growth because it's a codependent relationship. There's no room for growth or individuality. There is also one person, usually men, exploiting the other individual and will cast them aside after their needs are fulfilled.

Young people who are simply lost and enter an age gap relationship will find themselves misled, swayed and eventually exploited. Or they will be trafficked.

Title	Can age gap relationships stunt the mental development of the younger person?
Author	whatsdecraicc
Upvotes	160
Comments	23
Date	July 31, 2021 12:18 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oux5oo/can_age_gap_relationships_stunt_the_mental/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-age-gap-relationships-stunt-the-mental.795713 https://theredarchive.com/post/795713

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