Dealing with embarrassment after dating poorly

XNjunEar · 2021-10-14T16:56:15+00:00

If your family disapproved, I'm sure they sighed with relief when they found out you were no longer with him. Everyone says 'love is blind', so perhaps they thought the same at the time. I do not think they'd be as harsh on you as you are being.

So, dust yourself off, promise to forgive yourself for having made a mistake (you are human!), be proud as hell you took care of correcting your judgment mistake before digging yourself deep, and look ahead! Looking like a dummy is the least thing to worry about: your well-being is the most important thing, and that is why you will choose better next time.

masterofthebarkarts · 2021-10-14T16:58:21+00:00

Forgiving yourself for your past mistakes isn't easy but it is necessary. I've dated some embarassing men but I always just remember that it was a learning experience and it could have been so much worse - I could have dates them longer, hell we could have gotten married. But at least I learned!

lakat17 · 2021-10-14T18:16:31+00:00

Sis. It’s happened or is happening to all of us. When I first discovered FDS and reflected back on my poor decisions with men, I too was embarrassed and cringed 😬 at my behavior. I couldn’t even stand to share, even though Reddit is anonymous. That’s how I felt. Until eventually I saw so many similar experiences and worst experiences, I shared my own.

I suggest you go past posts where the OP talks about their past pickme behavior or post where FDSers are invited to share thier past pickmeisha behavior. This will give you a sense that a fuckton of women happen in your shoes and worse. It’s not a personal failing - it’s how we are conditioned to act. And then from there read the FDS recommended books for personal growth and boundary setting, and start practicing it. Your see your self worth rise to the point your won’t be operating from a place of fear but from security and value.

fg_hj · 2021-10-14T17:00:08+00:00

Other people are never going to think as bad about it as you do. You are your own worst critic. They will probably just be happy for you when you find someone better. They will think higher of you the better you do for yourself.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-10-14T23:39:56+00:00

I swore off men since my last ex because my taste in men was so horrifying.

The last one turned out to be a cheating drug dealer and drug addict.

The one before was described as a "monster" by the police.

I'm only now, 3 years later, even considering dating again. Thanks to FDS my vetting skills are on point now.

We all make mistakes. We are groomed from birth to be nice and accommodating, to see the potential in men rather than the fckwit who is standing in front of you. Forgive yourself.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-10-14T21:15:52+00:00

The cringe is real! Eventually it'll turn to humor tho, and then it'll be easier to laugh in the face of audacity as soon as it pops up. Laughter is our best weapon, and it's good for us to

esvle · 2021-10-14T18:06:59+00:00

Same. I want to move far, far away. That said, he had a lot of friends around here who were also taken in my the act and I don’t judge them for it.

Platipus6 · 2021-10-14T22:50:21+00:00

They're relieved you're not in a body bag.

If they love you they're not laughing at you, they're happy you're ok now.

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2021-10-14T21:48:44+00:00

I have chosen poorly in the past, to the point it is a bit of a joke in my family that I go through men like tissues - yes it has been said to my face. I am like you, cringing at my past exs and feeling I gave off huge desperate vibes.

Was I probably desperate for external love and validation? Yes, but that is the society I grew up in where once you start becoming a teenager/ adult you look for romantic relationships to fulfill you (excuse me while I go puke at this mentality).

On thing which has helped me forgive myself, is knowing women generally look better than men (mostly because they are LVM). There is a good chance a lot of people didn't really register the looks gap that much, plus how many times are women told to give a man a chance when we don't find the man physically attractive?

What is helping me work through a lot of it, is knowing I am not alone. There are so many ladies here who have shared stories which are similar to mine, we are all affected by the terrible state of the dating scene and so many of us have made mistakes.

If it helps with the embarrassment I would like to quote my mum "todays news is tomorrows fish & chips wrapper". What seems important today will be forgotten about tomorrow, and a lot of people do forget stuff.

scooter_se · 2021-10-15T01:48:02+00:00

Cringing at your past behavior means you’ve learned and grown. No one can change the past, but you control your future. If you learn from your mistakes, then you’ve paid tuition for the school of life; if you don’t learn, then it’s just wasted time. YOU get to decide if you’re going to learn from this.

I think you should try shifting your mindset. Every single shitty thing your LVX did to you gave you hands-on experience with a red flag and dealbreaker. You will NOT let that shit go again; as soon as some guy does anything that even borders on low value behavior, you will block and delete. If you let it, this could actually save you more time in the long run that you feel you lost to your LVX.

You’re improving yourself, uplifting your spirit, raising your self-esteem and standards, and you should be proud of yourself. It might take some time to get to that point, so I want you to know that I’m very proud of you <3 good luck out there sister

eru378 · 2021-10-15T02:04:48+00:00

Feelings of embarrassment thrive when we hide them away and let them fester in the dark. I've made some very stupid dating choices in the past. I have had a lot of success working through my shame over that by thinking over those choices and examining why I made them, and making the effort to get into a better mental place and to make choices that I am proud of and that reflect my best self. I talk through these things with friends and family and that helps a lot, too. I don't dwell on the past or get into a hate spiral towards exes or a shame spiral towards myself - I just try to feel my feelings and let them simmer out into a more dispassionate attitude. I've even put a couple of stories on FDS - it's so cathartic to share occasionally here.

Two great people who talk about shame and embarrassment and how to be more compassionate towards ourselves are Brene Brown and Heather Havrilesky (writer of the Ask Polly advice column). I've found a lot of comfort and inspiration from their work.

vaguelinen · 2021-10-14T18:11:35+00:00

My kid looks like his dad. There’s no escape from the fact I reproduced with that scrote and have to see his face on a semi-regular basis.

Try laughing at me? Honestly, I deserve it.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-10-14T21:15:25+00:00

The cringe is real! Eventually it'll turn to humor tho, and then it'll be easier to laugh in the face of audacity as soon as it pops up. Laughter is our best weapon, and it's good for us to

shedipity · 2021-10-15T09:18:27+00:00

Have a look at this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ppvg3a/ladies_i_have_a_question_and_in_need_of_advice/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

It’s pretty similar and there’s great answers there that helped me ♥️

blueboobs- · 2021-10-15T22:37:56+00:00

I know exactly what you mean and even worse mine has sexual pictures of me that he did not ask for my permission to take and Yet I didn’t tell him to delete them when I should have.

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