Ended things with me and he’s already getting serious with someone new. Help please.

Yianna_F · 2020-03-23T08:28:41+00:00

MY EDIT:

YOU SAID: She’s 9 years older than him and in her late 30s so I’m assuming she’s definitely on the fast track for things in terms of wanting kids ASAP and marriage. And on a previous comment rega"she likely needs to get going with it"

STOP SHAMING WOMEN!!! For their age or anything else!!! It's not of your business!!! This post was not what you made it out to be after all! Your main issue is that he moved on with someone else and you're picking on her age and her future and reproductive choices!!! This mentality makes you a LVW!!! That's NOT the FDS way!!! You have so many women here trying to help you and your only worry is "why her and not me"??? "I'm not as good as her", "She got to meet the parents" etc!!!

MY INITIAL RESPONSE OMG!!! Where do I start??? Why are you doing this to yourself??? Why the need to know his whereabouts and all these details??? And how??? Media stalking??? Through mutual friends??? What???

You need to focus on YOU not HIM! And stop ruminating asap! You have no idea what he is truly doing and why! And you shouldn't! You've broken up and you're supposed to be moving on!

You are good enough! You just don't feel like it at the moment! Don't how down that rabbit hole!

sadpourtoujours · 2020-03-23T08:50:44+00:00

Stop caring. He’s just a man. You weren’t even dating that long. Sometime you click better with the next person 🤷🏽‍♀️ It has nothing to do with your worth or value. Not even remotely a reflection of that. Also, don’t get emotionally attached to men you’ve only known for a couple months. Or shit, until there’s a ring on your finger tbh.

Pleasant-Complaint · 2020-03-23T09:06:12+00:00

The fact that he preferred someone else doesn't mean you are 'not good enough'. You were just incompatible. Be glad it ended quickly, without wasting more of your valuable time. You'll find someone else, don't sweat it.

BrooklynBabe33 · 2020-03-23T10:30:37+00:00

Next time don’t date someone just out of a serious relationship - being the rebound sucks -

This is him NOT YOU

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-23T09:53:48+00:00

He was either seeing her or lining it up while he was with you or he’d already planned for it before you were dating. It’s very probable things will end with this woman just as quickly as they started. All this is probably something he’s done before with other women. It’s just new and shocking to you (because it is shocking).

Serious fast usually doesn’t last. And if it does it’s usually tumultuous on the inside. He’ll likely do the same thing to her he did to you. Or he’ll keep her around after they break up as another backup. “See? We’re all friends! It’s only you who’s not cool with it!” But she’s likely dying inside too. Or at the very least sticking around in case he changes what he wouldn’t during the relationship and hoping they get back together (won’t happen).

Same thing happened to me and it hurt like hell- even more in some ways than the breakup I had a few years prior with a very longtime bf. I cried in my closet at the sheer pain of feeling so dehumanized. I knew him a while and what he did plus lots of other things made me feel “conned.” Sure he didn’t want a relationship, but he was actively pursuing me for dates (couldn’t call them dates though!), sex, etc. Even professed his “long time feelings” for me and almost sounded like he was going to cry as he did it.

This guy will likely be back when it doesn’t work with the new woman, even if it takes him a while (mine took 2 years). FWIW the book Love Warrior helped get me through it. Also not stuffing any feelings. Also trying not to stalk him on social media. That will stab your heart. Also think about if you saw her on the street or knew her as an acquaintance. You might think she’s cool/admire her success but would you hate yourself after finding out more about her? If yes, what she does/has is likely something you are called to be doing but aren’t/can’t do it yet. If you wouldn’t hate her, then you know the only thing making her seem better is her (maybe even only temporarily) having him. Which, if he lied to you, makes him LVM and subtracts from her life like he did yours, trust me.

But these things take time and you can’t push you’re way out of it. You obviously really liked him. Honor that. And remember everything about him, including what he did to you that made you leave the relationship and the fact that he lied.

DaddysCyborg · 2020-03-23T14:06:50+00:00

Sometimes I feel this way, like it means I'm not special or good enough. Last time I had those thoughts I just suddenly remembered that it isn't like that at all. The man is the one with low standards who would get with just anyone! I am worth so much and it's not at all tied to whether my man thinks so. We can't put this on ourselves, it's their issue.

juliet-elia · 2020-03-23T09:26:30+00:00

Isn't it obvious that he dates her for her success? I think she knows too but she dates him for his looks. Thank god you weren't his type and move on. There's nothing to loose, he's a male golddigger, which happens more often than you think. There's nothing you can do except realizing you doged a bullet and move on. Do you think he will still be loyal when she has a hard time at her business? He lets women drop like hot potatoes, wasn't it a red flag to you that he started dating so fast after a 5 year relationship? You would think it takes someone who was invested in that time some distance from dating. But no, he dated you and immediately after you another gal. Honey, forget about him and move on.

I don't want to be rude but honey, there's no reason to feel bad. You miscalculated a dude and started seeing his true colours. Apperently you lurked through his social media after you cut contact, which is a mistake and you know it. You dont see how things go outside of his selfmade world on Instagram and co. Why do you hurt yourself? Block and move on.

circescircus · 2020-03-23T13:18:33+00:00

This pandemic is forcing people to stay inside, not go out, not date. Use it as an opportunity to be single, to reflect, think about your values, needs and wants. Avoid text or online communication with men during this time as well. Just be alone with yourself, figure out who you are, what you want and need.

If you don't do this work, time will pass, opportunities will pass, you'll likely become a worse version of yourself. The work is unavoidable. Putting it off just means more wasted time and more regrets in the future.

ny-lady · 2020-03-23T13:03:48+00:00

Get rid of the 'good enough' thing. Just because someone doesn't want you doesn't actually make you not good enough, you just dont fit.

Mindset shift, you Are good enough, always have this mindset.

Sewud · 2020-03-23T13:27:38+00:00

He wasn't into you. That's not a bad thing.

igotnoballz · 2020-03-23T15:27:47+00:00

You just weren’t his person. Guys know like within the first week, they just know.

Polleyka26 · 2020-03-23T15:32:39+00:00

I have a feeling this account is spam. Or a dude. Go look at post history

Frizzlerules · 2020-03-23T12:35:39+00:00

Dont judge your self worth by someone else's questionable choices.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-03-23T10:56:29+00:00

I’ve just been through exact same situation. Guy I met for few times told me we can’t meet as he started dating other girl. And he’s just like the guy you mentioned. He jumps from relationships to relationships. Worst is this guy I met was so desperate that he even dated a professional hooker.

Take a step back and analyze the situation rationally. Would you like a guy like that ? NO It means he’s not self sustainable. Probably if you marrry him, as soon as you’re dead, he’ll be looking for another wife or gf to replace you.

Good that he went for another girl. And him showing his family to her is way too early for month in. It’s huge red flag. I’m sure he’ll get bored of her and would look for another girl soon. I can bet on it.

9penguin · 2020-03-23T15:04:41+00:00

He's a gold digger, why do you have to measure your worth by having a relationship with him??? Who died and make him your self esteem????? Fuck him, you dodged a bullet, he's her problem now, you do you.

Title	Ended things with me and he’s already getting serious with someone new. Help please.
Author	Lalaland_92
Upvotes	53
Comments	86
Date	March 23, 2020 8:22 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fnggcn/ended_things_with_me_and_hes_already_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ended-things-with-me-and-hes-already-getting.679709 https://theredarchive.com/post/679709

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