Ever get angry that FDS works?

featherflowers · 2021-01-29T05:50:00+00:00

Finding and implementing FDS changes your life. Definitely for the better, but there are major growing pains. Letting go of unhealthy friendships has been harder than learning to drop a man at the first red flag. Men are easier to walk away from because you're not invested. There's a major time sunk cost fallacy in leaving toxic friendships behind. As women we want to see the best in people. Unfortunately sometimes we are projecting our good traits onto friends like we used to do with men. It's hard to recognize these things and to make the changes, but ultimately it's worth it to level up your life.

temproaryusername · 2021-01-29T06:16:41+00:00

Ohh yes girl......... I thought I was happy in my pathetic relationship bc I wasnt SiNgLe and he looked good on paper. I thought I was happy having my entire friend circle consist of mooches who I had to chase after and pay for the smallest kindness. I thought I was happy (and smug) looking down on women for this reason or that reason, or competing with them to hide my own insecurities. I thought I was happy my entire life goal was to get married and my entire self-esteem wrapped up in how many male compliments or looks I got that day.

And I still get angry and ashamed when I think of all of the TIME and MONEY (and lots of it, believe you me) I poured into useless situationships; all of the times I let men use me sexually, because isn't that what I'm good for/at?

And even with how much FDS has f*cked up my life..... I thank God I found it, late to the party as I am. Because now Im starting a whole new authentic life for MYSELF and becoming a person I truly admire.

Its tough girl, but love yourself through it!!

Jiou112 · 2021-01-29T09:44:08+00:00

But this isn’t a me problem.

That's what did me in. "Not my problem" is one of my favorite terms now. And I love it.

singing_stream · 2021-01-29T11:05:27+00:00

I spent all of last week feeling rageful and pissed off tbh.. i was thinking back to all the crap my Nex did, and how much i tolerated and for so long.

I'm not saying it's my fault, because it's not.. but holy crap i should have just left way sooner than i did.

As i said in a poem many years ago

'clearsight is a hurtful gift..

..always exacts a price''

pancakejourney · 2021-01-29T13:32:23+00:00

Oh it's so hurtful to fully realize that they knew all along. They just did not care.
It was a very bitter pill to swallow and it caused a lot of pain and anger.
I'm now working hard to protect my boundaries and it's working.
I'm not manipulating, I'm not giving anyone drama. I just stick to what I've said and crossing my boundaries has consequences now, consequences they knew would happen.

FrogGirl2000 · 2021-01-29T14:51:33+00:00

I was thinking about this last night. It’s funny because it really does work and is so accurate, but male lurkers come in here and call us weird , bitter, whatever. But it’s another example of men, yet again, trying to but in and add judgement to an experience they have never been through!

Im 20 and I’ve already experienced so much of what FDS talks about. I dated all of high school and my first 2 years of college, but I am now single because I realized the person I was dating was abusive. But male lurkers will come on and try to invalidate us when they have no idea what it’s like to be a woman dating, burnt out and crushed from being told to “communicate” over and over again. Feeling like all the blame is on you.

It’s such a relief to finally stop being gaslighted. To hear someone say “they know that they’re hurting you. Just. Walk. Away.” And that’s what fds does.

Angeli_33 · 2021-01-29T10:52:12+00:00

In the beginning I didn't want to believe FDS. So I kept making the same mistakes over and over again, until I decided I had tested it often enough to know it works.

Maude2010 · 2021-01-29T19:45:05+00:00

In a way I do. I personally am a bit of a homebody and my ideal way to spend some time with someone is to chat on the couch with a bottle of wine. I don’t enjoy getting dressed up and going to fancy restaurants. I would love to just wander around the city with someone. I LOVE giving thoughtful little gifts. But all of that leads to men taking me for granted and not putting in any effort. They equate being sort of laid back with not expecting to be treated well. So I’ve had to force myself to date in a way that goes contrary to what’s most comfortable and enjoyable for me. The hardest part is stopping myself from buying little gifts, just like a plant for someone who just moved or a book I think they’ll like. But men can’t seem to handle women being generous and kind, and despite what they say, they don’t respect women who aren’t “demanding” or “high maintenance”. I kind of resent not being able to be fully myself.

Cotton1candy · 2021-01-30T08:46:51+00:00

Ive been seeing a HVM (or so i thought) for months... like talking every single night and going on dates. Just tonight his friend was completely rude and said super misogynistic and sexists things like men rule the world and women just have kids, followed by “ and thats why i dont like you”. I paid for my drinks and left soon after without getting in a fight with the guy. But the man Ive been seeing did nothing. Oh and he hasn’t called or sent a text or anything. Pretty sure he would rather ghost me than admit he was wrong and his friend is an asshole. Im just completely bewildered. So much time wasted on this guy.

hopewings · 2021-01-29T06:16:00+00:00

When you find a true HV relationship, you don't have to apply FDS because you can break all the rules and still get a positive result. FDS is very effective at weeding out the crap, but you won't believe how awesome it is to not have to even think about sending paragraphs because they'll just treat you well and make you feel so secure and loved.

throwRAwhatisthis · 2021-01-30T13:16:28+00:00

Yes I’m on fire every day. I don’t miss my ex or want him back, honestly I’d cheer if he died. He was that awful of a human being for me to feel this way. I was the easiest target out there and he bled me dry. He represents everything FDS warns of. But he bombed my self-esteem, the last bit I had. I hate him and the men like him.

I’m pissed that we’re always used, always wanted, but always discarded and devalued. We are never good enough. And they try to take bit by bit without you noticing.

I have so much love in my heart to give. It pains me that I can’t give it to men. I want to love men. I give love to friends, family, and my cats, which is amazing. But I can no longer give love to men. I can’t even look at teenage boys the same. Even the ones who are sweet now will most likely fall into their sexist indoctrination. When I look at young boys now, all I can think is that they’ll turn out to be shitty men in the future.

How can I want to give love to beings that see me as less than? As something they want but don’t want to maintain?

I wanted that stupid fairytale love that they sold us. I’m pissed it isn’t real! I don’t care how pickme it sounds. I know things can’t be a “fairytale” but damn I at least hoped for mutual love and respect! We can’t even ask for that.

I honestly don’t see the point in dating anymore. If I spend all this time vetting a guy and he still turns out to be a piece of shit, that’s a waste of my life. I know it can take YEARS for this to happen. So basically I just don’t think I can ever trust a man. I feel like we’re dealing with dogs with a delay in showing signs of rabies. They’ll bite when we least expect!

Why commit when all I’ll feel is uneasy? Afraid he will cheat, manipulate, abuse.

Honestly it’s so fucked up. If you really think about it, the roles should be reversed. We should be the ones hitting it and quitting it. Use them for their sperm and leave em. We should be ones treating men like they treat us. We should have higher standards for ourselves and not care about the man’s boundaries or standards. They oftentimes have so little to offer that WE should have the audacity! We should have the audacity to demand more than we give. If we’re running the whole damn show, we should get a bigger piece of the pie. Obviously I don’t think we should treat men like shit- but if society was “fair”, this is how men would be treated. Especially the men of today.

I’m pissed that the game is so rigged. Thank god for FDS, but you are the bitterest pill to swallow. I lost every glimmer of naïveté.

elainejay82 · 2021-01-31T06:25:48+00:00

Every damn time! Could have used FDS my whole life! Would have saved me a lot of hardship.

But hey... Your journey is your journey. Do not fret. You've arrived now!

Title	Ever get angry that FDS works?
Author	MakeURegret
Upvotes	375
Comments	26
Date	January 29, 2021 2:33 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/l7gnlu/ever_get_angry_that_fds_works/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ever-get-angry-that-fds-works.740881 https://theredarchive.com/post/740881

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