How do I deal with my extremely high libido?

starfighter07 · 2021-08-23T19:14:06+00:00

I don't really know what to say to you OP because when reading your answers to other FDSers, I feel like you are not satisfied with our response and just want "dick" (which I perfectly understand). However, dick is abundant in itself, the real problem is quality time is not.

So I would recommand you to check up with a therapist, not necessarily to help with you libido, but to make up some distractive techniques when you start daydreaming. A lot of people are caught up with a daydream syndrom, whether it's focused on sex or others things, this is far more common than you imagine and I think, by reading your post, that you might have this tendancy too. Fantasize is good and healthy but excess of fantasizing is quite dangerous for real opportunities in your life.

And I also encourage you to date with FDS principles of course. If you feel like you cannot follow the 3 months sex rule, then don't. Just stay safe, be cautious, and try to vet men a lot before allowing them access to you (+ IMO, sexual chemistry is kind of a myth. If you have a mutual bond with somebody (and by that I mean a real bond, I see you pickme girls thinking you have a bond with someone because you have shared your deepest trauma with them), there is no reason why sex would be awful. That is my experience on that at least)

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-08-23T19:06:50+00:00

Your high libido should not trump your self esteem or safety priorities. I struggle with hypersexual bipolar responses and childhood sexual abuse very often, sometimes if I’m manic, daily for months. Just remember the aftermath of those in person experiences, they’re not that great and you know it. Also it sabotages your goal of meeting a man who sees you as more than a sexual prospect and nothing else. You can have non stop sex or you can have a shot at a proper relationship but likely not the two.

Also, hypersexuality is often just us trying to fill some internal pit in ourselves. My advice is to go completely celibate for a period of time. I’m currently on this journey to refocus back on myself, my feminine energy, my cultural health and my relationships with men and sex.

Self betterment isn’t always easy, it doesn’t always come naturally but you have to put in the work for the results. If you really want the best of both worlds take time to yourself without casual men. Oh, and therapy. Get in it.

bombas- · 2021-08-23T18:25:02+00:00

How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-23T19:51:06+00:00

Can relate, also high drive, also think about it a lot. Nothing unusual about it, most women are just socialized out of talking about it.

The way I learned to exist with it in a healthy way was to realize that if I fed it with just any first available D, I'd very likely have a horrible emotional hangover. It wasn't worth it unless I was also in a mutually beneficial relationship. I have a healthy sexual relationship with myself and own great toys, highly recommend.

As for the obsessive thoughts about specific crushes - the horny goggles come off very fast when I pay a lot of attention to how the guy acts and makes me feel. Horniness is an instinct thing, so if I notice myself fantasizing about a guy I know to be a dbag, I just consciously remind myself why he is not a viable relationship candidate and picture how much it would suck to be with him emotionally.

sassyheather · 2021-08-23T18:27:14+00:00

I think you should seek a therapist, you sound a bit sex addicted. Solving this will make you feel lower levels of horniness and prevent you from jumping in bed with someone too soon.

scrotesmadsosad · 2021-08-23T18:34:34+00:00

I have a high sex drive as well and I just bought a bunch of toys

ChickaDeeD33 · 2021-08-23T20:00:28+00:00

I'm a little surprised at the downvotes you're getting in your comments. Just letting you know I admire your openness and honesty even though you know your type of libido may be frowned upon here.

I generally have a high libido. It is starting to wane a bit in my older years (35! I'm over the hill in scrote opinion!), but even still it's higher than my partner's. Now that I'm with someone I trust it's not as much of an issue, but I agree with your sentiment, the space between my NVX and my current bf was a really difficult time for me to navigate where my sexuality was concerned. Here's what I learned (some of it I've already seen in other comments):

Know your boundaries and don't do anything you'll regret later. Don't sleep with anyone you'll regret, don't send nudes to people on the internet, etc. I know it's difficult, willpower is a thing that I for one tend to struggle with. But let me tell you that guilt and shame linger far longer than giving in to that momentary satisfaction. Along with that, if you do slip, try to let it go. Consider it a lesson under the belt and look forward to doing better next time.
Therapy. I mean, I would recommend this for anyone even if they aren't struggling with a particular issue. It is honestly just mental upkeep and the best way to continually level up. I'm not sure about hormones and medications and all that... Just, someone to talk to who understands human psychology and can help you vocalize, validate, and sort through your life experiences as you go through them. Whether there are deeper issues or not, you need some support and someone in your court.
Toys/Imagination. I know, I KNOW the toys really aren't the same, and they never will be. In all honesty I've found that over time I've drifted away from my main tot and back to my hand because it just feels more natural and personal (though sometimes I just need the deeper penetration). Alongside that I will also second the opinion of quitting porn and using imagination, as well as paying attention to what you're imagining. Are the scenarios the kind you would see online with angry pounding and multiple partners or strange scenarios? Or are they something more nurturing, with caresses and intimacy? I'm aware that's not everyone's kink and doesn't always have to be, but I noticed something with one of my (past) male friends who said the more porn he watched the darker it had to get for him to be aroused. I noticed for me even in my imagination, when I was overdoing masturbation it seemed to ring true for me as well.
Frequency. There's a reason that your brain wants to think about this all the time, it likes the chemicals it gets from it. It's like any other addiction, it just wants more and more and more. Again, I feel therapy would help with this but really just training your body to only require sexual gratification say twice/day might be a good place to start. Like any addiction it will be hard at first and eventually it will get easier over time. I started trying to stick to once in the morning and once before bed.
Partners. Oh goodness. Is this loaded. I do understand that sexual compatibility is important. It may seem like 3 months is a long time to wait for sex, and I could see why you might be worried you'd be wasting your time only to find out you're incompatible with someone. I'm here to tell you not to worry. You can do it! It will take a lot of self talk. You will probably fantasize about them a lot as you get to know them and see them more romantically, but you will have to remind yourself that these experiences aren't the real thing. If anything, hopefully holding out will increase the anticipation of whenever is the right moment. As for compatibility, it becomes something that you build with your partner. Nobody comes fully equipped knowing how to please you, but if you do manage to find an HVM who is attentive to your needs they will be willing to listen to your body and work with you to grow your combined sexual repertoire. You'll have to learn their preference as well. Like I mentioned, my partner has a much lower libido than I do, to the point that my girlfriend actually asked me if I would be okay being with a man who might only sleep with me once/month for the rest of my life. It was a little trying at first (especially because I have emotional insecurities attached) but we work through it and build our relationship together.

I do trust that you can find something like this eventually if you keep leveling up. In the grand scheme of things, 3 months isn't all that long to wait and if it's dealbreakingly terrible, there could have been worse skeletons to find I'm sure.

I'm sorry for the novel. I wish you much luck sis!

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-08-23T18:37:04+00:00

I’ve read that often with women who are dealing with extreme sexual drive have a lot of unprocessed sexual trauma, from being molested or groomed at young ages or exposed to pornography at young ages, or other similar situations. It’s a trauma response to crave sex as a way of control. You can start by trying to evaluate where this is coming from, if it’s mental (due to trauma), or physical (like a result of medication or hormones). Either way, seeing a professional should be the very first step.

I think your second step needs to be unwinding yourself from adult media, you need to stop watching pornography. Porn addiction is a real thing and while it’s a lot rarer for a woman to experience this issue, it’s still possible. Block these sites from your browsers.

Stop dating until you can get a better handle on this, because it is clearly effecting your life in a very intense way which means it’s far outside the bounds of what everyday women on FDS can help with.

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling like this, but you deserve to have better control, and you can take steps to get that control of your life back in your own hands.

As far as vetting for sexual compatibility the last podcast episode covered this a bit. Don’t jump right into sex, follow the bases, and evaluate as you go.

lansburysoda · 2021-08-23T19:02:35+00:00

It’s normal for women to want sex as much as men. We’ve just been socialized to think it’s not. I’m with you. I love sex but I don’t like being manipulated and treated like shit by men. I wish I could find a partner who actually respects me.

My advice is to only go for men you’re immediately physically attracted to. The most attractive men tend to be the least manipulative and most genuine. Go on multiple dates and try to put yourself in situations where you can meet men (more difficult with the pandemic). Don’t get too attached to one man right away. I struggle with this too but we really need to not zero in on one man and cut off other options before there’s a committed relationship.

My friend has had success with dating multiple men at once and having sex with as many of them as she feels like. Eventually she ends up in a relationship but it usually takes her having sex with 3-4 men before that happens. I wouldn’t be able to do it but it’s worked really well for her. She’s had 3 committed relationships that lasted over a year.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-08-23T20:01:50+00:00

I'm going to say therapy.

Do you think you have issues you avoid with your hypersexuality? Maybe you are channeling other emotions into sexual desire or avoiding intimacy or other fears?

Someone else said you watches porn with your brother. That's fucked up. Porn fucks kids up. Another reason for therapy.

Any sexual trauma is often expressed in hypersexuality as well. Being exposed to porn as a kid is sexual trauma. How did you react to the violence men enact against the women in pornography at first? Do you find it sexy now? If so these are more things to work through in therapy.

electroloop · 2021-08-23T18:38:18+00:00

Have you checked your horomone levels? Not trying to sound rude or off base here, but high T levels can cause an abnormally high sex drive.

There's plenty of posts talking about how to find out if a guy is going to be good in bed or not before actually having sex with him. A simple search in the subreddit will give you answers.

Joohoneybee_002 · 2021-08-23T20:24:14+00:00

Don’t worry, you’re not alone here. I’m 19 and I feel the same way often too, but now I’m wondering if some of it has to do with porn exposure and grooming I’ve experienced. I’ve never had sex, but I masturbate and recently ordered toys to help get the job done.

There are times where I feel like I just want to do it with the first attractive guy I see, but I know I need to control myself. Maybe it’s just teen hormones trying to make my life harder lol

I would prefer having sex to masturbation, but a lot of vetting will need to be done whether it’s casual or long-term. I want someone who will put in an effort to satisfy me.

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