How Do I level up

hexchromosome · 2020-08-27T21:47:14+00:00

You said you're not good at "being a woman", and then listed off a bunch of shallow traits that have nothing to do with womanhood.

High value doesn't have to do with your appearance, your affinity for makeup, or any other things society tries to tell you your worth is tied to.

Being high value is recognizing that you're a unique and kind individual who deserves to be treated well, and won't tolerate mistreatment. It's about finding what you love and chasing that, and about making goals and reaching them.

_Hellchic_ · 2020-08-27T21:23:36+00:00

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manisfestationqueen · 2020-08-27T21:41:52+00:00

It pains me to see how you see yourself. But this is your journey and it has begun. Your journey of self love and compassion. Please have compassion for yourself you've been through so much. Practice gratitude for yourself, a little self love goes a long way. I would love it if you mentioned 7 positive traits about you. Can you please do that for me?

KetoKittenAround · 2020-08-27T21:48:00+00:00

Check out the handbook. Just to start to get a feel for level up mentality.

While I do think the outside is important to take care of, and a healthy weight is good for your health... I do want you to understand that the biggest shift you will have with this is in your mind.

You will see with reading and learning here, that you should accept your worthiness and be treated with respect and dignity.

To do that you also have to treat yourself with respect and dignity.

You don’t need to date right now, and you honestly never need to date until someone good enough for you comes along. Not in their view, but in your own. With your mindset right now, I’d stay away from dating and work on the depression and figuring out ways to level up within your means. Home workouts, healthy cheap food, seeing that you are likely a gorgeous woman who just needs to see what I am sure everyone around you sees!

As an aside, I just got hormonal acne as a grown ass woman in her 30s during this COVId crises and it has messed with my self image, but with treatment of any acne you can get it under control with time. Still getting a handle on mine! And come on now girl, masks do help hide it! ;)

You are young, I wish I was your age again and knew about FDS. You are more ahead of the game than you think. Do not spend these precious wonderful years being down on yourself. And definitely don’t spend it on trying to date when you’re not ready because you’re only going to attract LVM who will take advantage of you.

redbirdflies · 2020-08-27T21:56:55+00:00

Join the FDS level up group

Most people have gained weight during the covid crisis. Don’t let it get you down. Try different dieting options. There are so many

Exercise. Get outside and go for walks, do Zoom yoga or online workouts. Plenty of free stuff to do

Jobs, most are struggling. You will find one. For now just focus on you

Acne, there are so many subreddits for skincare. Find one that resonates with your issues

The biggest issue at hand at the moment is your depression. It needs to be addressed, preferably by a professional, if you can go to one

Don’t focus on dating right now. Your mental health and self esteem issues need to be addressed first and foremost

The first step is recognizing what is holding you back. You’re going to do well as long as you keep working to improve your state of mind

greenshadownymph · 2020-08-27T22:13:07+00:00

Maybe you're not your type? First of all you're too young to be worrying about men. Second of all most of our ideas about appearance are invented by companies trying to sell you something. Everyone is attracted to something different and there is no universal beauty standard. Two of my brothers are married (one's on his second marriage) and they have completely opposite ideas about beauty. They each think the other man's wife is ugly and their own wife is beautiful. One wife is a thin leggy former ballerina and the other is incredibly overweight. I personally have been all over the spectrum appearance wise and there's always someone who wants to have sex with me (men will fuck anything) doesn't matter if I am 50 lbs heavier than my current weight or 50 lbs lighter, or if I'm covered with a rash. I'm 35 and I have dated many men. I'm currently single and happier because seriously LVM will make your life worse, not better. Work on what makes you feel fullfilled. Read books, listen to podcasts, watch some Ted talks, learn a craft, do yoga, and Get a Therapist. And if your therapist is shitty get a new therapist. Benifit you for you so that you like you better.

_Hellchic_ · 2020-08-27T22:30:12+00:00

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tenshicake · 2020-08-27T21:21:57+00:00

Are you in therapy? The most important thing would be to work on your mental health and physical health. First of all you can work out at home. There's plenty of free resources for body weight training or cheap equipment. The make up and fashion thing can be learned it just takes some time and effort. For all the things you want to change you need patience and perserverance 🙌🏼

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-27T22:33:27+00:00

For the acne I highly recommend taking a vitamin A supplement, but make sure it is retinyl palmitate and not beta carotene. That's similar to retin A. You can also get a topical Retin-A serum fairly inexpensive on Amazon. Make sure you get the max over the counter amount which is 2.5% and you can apply that every other night or every night. That will seriously help with your acne. I have PCOS so I have cystic acne and regular acne and it works very well for that.

night_glitter · 2020-08-27T23:44:12+00:00

Sis, I feel you. I was you. Except I had acne much younger. You might want to check out the Skincare Addiction subreddit. Warning, it can be overwhelming, but start with the basics in the sidebar if you don’t already have a skincare routine. PM me if you need help.

I also had to live with a toxic family until age 20 for money reasons. After I left, it was much better, but I still felt obligated to try to please them throughout my 20s. It did not help at all, and nothing improved. It was like being a pickme with family. I had to go no contact in my 30s, and it has helped so much. I know you’re not there yet, but once you’re financially independent, you can distance yourself.

For depression - I struggle with it too. Therapy isn’t always the only coping tool, so try other stuff too while you’re waiting for a therapist. Read FDS. Journal your feelings. Talk to us here. We aren’t therapists, but a lot of us (inc me) are much older and have years of life experience to help. Also, what helps me is what is called “no zero days.” Basically, try to do something productive every day. No matter how tiny it is, if you did SOMETHING, you didn’t do nothing. You’re a little better off than you were. Some days when I feel overwhelmed I rely on this. I pick one thing that I know takes less than 5min and do it. Say it’s washing a few dishes, doing a few pushups, spending 5min on a language learning app, etc. Pick something easy, get it done, and be kind to yourself. Usually I clean, and I often end up finishing the job instead of stopping after 5 minutes. But if 5min is all I can muster, then I stop and tell myself I’ll finish when I’m stronger.

We’re here to support you. Don’t be a stranger around here.

lonechronicler · 2020-08-28T03:30:27+00:00

Value, like beauty, is such an internal thing. Cliche, but true. The people who love you aren’t there because you’re a goddess who happens to be dating Lee Pace, but rather because you add something to their happiness by being who you are. So who are you, on the inside? A compassionate listener? A friend in need? An excellent cook whose doors are always open? Dive deep into why your friends and family stay despite your perceived flaws and there you’ll find your value.

The discourse around the concept of value has become so toxic in recent years. The things we’ve been mistaking as indicators of value like salary, looks, and significant others are really just veneers. They could be carefully constructed masks whose wearers are barely holding it together. Or they could simply be extensions of how we feel about ourselves on the inside. If you’re happy with who you are, you tend to take more care of your appearance. If you’re looking forward the day ahead, you will be far more likely to have the energy to exercise and lose weight.

I’ll hazard a wild guess and say that you’re unable to follow the beauty tutorials because you’re wondering what the point is. Why bother when you’ll still feel ugly and ridiculous after all that effort? I’m saying this because I remember the days when putting on some lipstick felt like audacity on my part. Make-up felt like a luxury only attractive people could afford. It was only when I started working on my abysmal mental health that my life (and appearance) changed for the better. First, I worked on getting out of bed. Then I worked on enjoying my solitude. After that, I felt strong enough to improve my relationships, lose weight, cook, and find another job.

Self-improvement is like strengthening a muscle. You have to build your stamina little by little and do only what you’re capable of doing right now. And it only happens when you feel good about who you are on the inside. If you hate yourself, even the most put-together exterior will crumble at a touch. Work on self-acceptance and on enriching the lives of the people around you and the rest will follow. I promise.

Mamma_Midnight · 2020-08-28T03:34:19+00:00

Don't be so down on yourself. Women don't have to wear make up - I don't & haven't for years. If make up & femininity isn't 'you' then don't try to force it - be yourself.

It really sounds like you need professional mental health support - I notice you said you're on an NHS waiting list, so here's some UK mental health links you may find helpful:

The Mental Health Foundation has lots of info online including how to access support such as Samaritans phone line or the Shout Text Line; information on positive MH practices such as mindfulness; and podcasts.

Mind have a page of information & support - they operate an online community called Elefriends and have local offices/groups. The local office near me used to host activities such as an art group, & offered a free / low cost counselling service. (*ETA - obviously all impacted by COVID now - but may be worth seeing how they're currently operating & what services they offer as each local group is different).

You seem to be very negative towards yourself - I used to do that too. I'd suggest the book Overcoming Low Self Esteem: it really helped me deal face my negative thoughts after exiting an abusive marriage after 7 years. You can pick up cheap copies on Ebay - either the 1st or 2nd edition are OK. It's not a mircale - but it might help a little while you wait to access specialist services.

I can't afford gym

Try DAREBEE - it's a not-for-profit fitness resource that is ad-free and product placement-free. They have programmes available for free (that you can print out), an online community, advice on managing your diet, & instruction videos so you can see what the exercises are. The programmes start at beginner level. They " believe that fitness is not a privilege, it should be made this accessible for everyone - not just people who can pay for it". You don't need lots of equipment - they use circuit training and bodyweight exercises.

Good luck.

szb8 · 2020-08-27T21:46:06+00:00

If you find it hard to abstain from eating.. try to be vegan..you can eat fruits and veggies all day and you will still lose weight..it takes time but you will have energy and feel happy..might help with the acne too Don't date until you love yourself💋

oldncranky1982 · 2020-08-28T23:53:29+00:00

Hey my young one: You have to love yourself. All of the things you say you lack, while they may be nice to have, they will not make you love yourself. If beauty was the key to happiness then why did the most beautiful women of Hollywood live the most tragic lives? Monroe - suicide. Taylor? Constant battles with addiction. Loren? Trashy husband who cheated on her quite often. Women who will look better than I ever will, yet all went through a lot of crap. Many of these women everyone lauded for their beauty ultimately ended up killing themselves.

Society pushes you that you can't love yourself "until", but once "until" comes, you will find some other reason to hate yourself. You must love yourself now. Without reservation. Not because you are smart, or pretty, or funny, but just because you are you. Beauty fades away, even our intelligence can be taken from us, but if you can learn to love yourself, you will make it through. This starts with praising yourself. You must praise yourself. You must talk to yourself. Imagine what you would want the love of your life to say to you and say those things to yourself. Yes, it seems crazy to talk to yourself, but you should. You should tell yourself the things that you wished others had told you, the things you wish others would say to you. And when you say them enough, you will believe it. Do not follow people on IG that make you feel bad. Follow plus size women, follow women with atypical features, follow women who look like you. If you want to change, that's fine, but that will be easier from a place of love and acceptance of yourself.

Title	How Do I level up
Author	_Hellchic_
Upvotes	51
Comments	65
Date	August 27, 2020 9:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ihtr1i/how_do_i_level_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-level-up.258099 https://theredarchive.com/post/258099

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