how important is passion/chemistry?

ironymaiden87 · 2020-05-14T11:00:28+00:00

It's important in the beginning but you have to be smart about it and not let your thinking be clouded by it. The person I had the best chemistry with ended up by fucking me over bigtime and I wish I hadn't been so totally hoodwinked by it. Chemistry can seem real but it also could be a Low Value Male pulling the wool over your eyes.

Allow yourself to feel the chemistry first but keep vetting at the same time. Make sure it's real before you let yourself become invested. Time will tell you the truth.

azureeyks · 2020-05-14T08:17:18+00:00

Chemistry is necessary for me. It can’t be built, but I like that spark and passion straight up.

Seraphinx · 2020-05-14T11:42:53+00:00

Chemistry is super important to enjoy sex for me personally, but I'm extremely wary after a man I had excellent chemistry with totally abused me emotionally. I found it incredibly hard to let go of what I knew deep down was a toxic relationship because the sex was just so damn good.

I wonder whether it is possible for me to find that level of passion and chemistry in a healthy and respectful relationship, or was it simply that the uncertainty and anxiety heightened it.

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-05-14T08:30:03+00:00

I don't see any point to be with a man without it.

Great sex and enjoyable companionship are the only 2 reasons I date men. And without the sex it's just friendship.

LadyGrimes · 2020-05-14T08:49:36+00:00

It's important because that is what will keep you together and help you both grow. You don't need to have every single thing in common, but there has to be enough of it so you both are on the same level. Having the same values matters too, you both need to want to same thing out of life.

daglowup · 2020-05-14T13:13:07+00:00

Passion is great for the initial stages but it’s not enough to sustain a life partnership. Chemistry is slightly more important I would say, you want to be able to laugh and converse with someone for potentially a lifetime.

I’m inclined to echo a sentiment some wise ladies have already mentioned on this thread, that the ex I had the most chemistry with ended up being the one that fucked me over the most emotionally. These days I like to go for a more temperate sorta guy.

sstena · 2020-05-14T09:35:58+00:00

Passion ebbs and flows in a long term relationship. Both parts will have bad days/weeks of family tragedy, loss, stress, etc.

Passion is necessary for some, and not for others. It is ok to require it, and it's ok to be good without it.

For me personally it is important, I won't date someone if there isn't chemistry. But I wouldn't base a decision on it.

TheOGJammies · 2020-05-14T15:37:42+00:00

Chemistry is basically a combination of shared and/or complimentary interests and ideas, passion is mutual sexual attraction.

What it’s not is a dysfunctional rollercoaster of hot and cold emotions, pornified sex, and antagonism.

I think what FDS is trying to do is to learn how to recognize the former from the latter. There’s a lot of women who don’t see that the “chemistry” is really just emotional abuse that’s triggering their unresolved childhood issues.

So Chemistry/Passion are important, but you need to understand it first.

eru378 · 2020-05-14T09:00:54+00:00

Passion and chemistry is vital to me, but I remind myself regularly that it's easy to get addicted to it and that it can cloud my thinking. Sometimes I think we all want romance so much that we unwisely let ourselves get carried away. I don't think we need to choose to go with head or heart but there does need to be balance. With the right man I'm sure it will feel like a smart choice and a truly romantic match.

TradcatAlice · 2020-05-14T19:50:25+00:00

Unpopular opinion: I don't find it necessary. The less I like a man the less he's able to mess with me.

shakethat_milkshake · 2020-05-14T22:41:26+00:00

I experience attraction toward a lot of men. Sometimes the attraction is electric, but that's a short-lived experience unless it's constantly maintained by both people. So really, I only have chemistry with men who treat me well. In my last short-term relationship, he started off strong but he gradually checked out and it literally made it impossible for me to look forward to seeing him, get wet in bed, etc. so we aren't together anymore.

It's very important to experience attraction, passion, and chemistry of course, but none of that is self-sustaining.

Evening-Employment · 2020-05-15T01:32:20+00:00

"Most people need consistency more than they need intensity. Intensity makes a good story. Consistency makes progress.”

It's tough. I'm not going to say passion/chemistry doesn't matter or that they're bad. Vetting is tricky and to the extent that you're able to, try to remain objective. But also? You're a human being. You can have feelings without being ruled by them. Been practicing mindfulness for years!

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-05-14T13:35:43+00:00

I tend to think passion and chemistry are two different things. Chemistry is how you interact with someone - can you share little jokes, laugh about the same things, be out in public together and notice the same things, be comfortable dancing around to 90s hits on a Friday night together, have witty banter, etc.

I think passion is purely physical, and I think that it comes and goes with time as others have said. If passion and sex was the only thing holding a relationship together, I would be wary of that. What happens in life if someone gets an illness? After you have a baby and can’t have sex right away? Any number of things might take that off the table - and if you have nothing else to fall back on...I’d be worried.

StupidHappyPancakes · 2020-05-15T04:42:16+00:00

This is the big thing I'm struggling with in my relationship. We get along perfectly and he treats me better than anyone ever has, but he's highly averse to touch due to Asperger's and thus has little to no interest in sex. It sucks because I'm more attracted to him than any other guy I've met. And because sex tends to overstimulate him, the sex isn't very good on the rare occasions it happens.

This man has already stuck with me through all kinds of hell and my horrible health, and he not only makes all the money but cooks for me and does anything he can to make my shitty life a little brighter and easier, and most importantly, he never makes me feel like he resents me for it or that I "owe" him. He's also the only person I've known who could keep up with me intellectually, he's a great "dad" to our two bratty genius parrots, and he's the first guy I've ever met who legitimately has no concept of gender roles. He doesn't watch porn either.

On one hand, I'm SO grateful that I have such a good man, especially compared to my monstrously abusive ex, and when I read about all the shitty men here, I feel even more grateful. However, I'd say I feel safe and content in this relationship more than I feel happy, which sucks because if we had a good sex life, he'd almost be perfect.

Title	how important is passion/chemistry?
Author	jackofhearts23
Upvotes	35
Comments	35
Date	May 14, 2020 8:06 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gji1ff/how_important_is_passionchemistry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-important-is-passionchemistry.676200 https://theredarchive.com/post/676200

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