I wish it was easier to block and delete NVM/LVM family.

aluriaphin · 2021-11-14T20:34:05+00:00

I've been no contact with my abusive narc NV dad for many years. My mom and sister now are as well but for years I was the only one who was shunning him because he was most abusive to me and they are much more people-pleasing and passive. It was very lonely being the only one cutting this person out but my peace was well worth it.

I just made a conscious decision not to go to events where I knew he would be present, not to visit my parents' home when he was there, not to answer the phone when he called or responded to any of his texts or emails.

I recognized that he wasn't sorry and he hadn't changed at all. Even if he were to apologize it would mean nothing because he's still the same person. It would take a total transformation after YEARS of intensive therapy for me to even consider reopening the relationship. Just because someone is your blood doesn't make them a good person and doesn't make you beholden to having a relationship with them. If they treat you badly you have every right, even a responsibility, to cut them off. You owe it to yourself and your mental health.

Determinedblonde · 2021-11-14T19:52:54+00:00

SAME. I’ve had the same issue recently. I try to ignore it and then one day it blows up.

I have a plan to cut ties at the earliest convenience, unless they manage to change their incel attitudes. It’s one last chance now.

What are the issues?

FDSfollower1 · 2021-11-14T23:18:10+00:00

I dumped an incredibly toxic brother about 20 years ago. My family was furious at me. Later, and predictably, he was arrested for a crime and put in prison for two years. My pickme family or origin rallied around him and constantly pressured me to forgive and love him, except for one family member.

I have zero regrets about removing that asshole from my life. He continues to torment the pickmes and make their lives a living hell. He also continues to backstab me and lie about me. He's a NVM but he was good looking in his youth, so he found a wife. His pitiful pickme wife believes every lie he's ever told. Edited to add: he now has the face of Dorian Gray -- his evil is obvious to anyone who sees him, just by looking at his face.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-11-14T22:49:25+00:00

I wouldn’t call it a success because of how much it hurts, but I have not talked to my dad since he disowned me almost 10 years ago. My witch of a stepmom couldn’t stand that he had a life before meeting her and gave him an ultimatum of her or his family. Guess what he picked :/ It took me a while to put blame on my dad instead of just on her.

What helped was having some support from other family members but a lot of support from my ride or die friends giving me outside perspective. I am also stubborn and wanted to prove that I wasn’t “entitled” or “using him for money”. I was also wanting to show that conflict was still going to be coming from my stepmom after I wasn’t there to be a scapegoat. I also read a lot on justnofamily and Justnomil for support.

The problem is after a few years, people start asking when are you going to bury the hatchet and make up. Your answer needs to be not until I get a real apology and demonstrated proof that other person has seen the error of their ways and changed their behavior. Sometimes that’s never, because some people won’t ever admit they were wrong. Youve got to hold your boundaries, your standards, and the hill you will die on. Make sure that hill has a hammock because dealing with these people is exhausting.

t3ddi · 2021-11-15T00:15:45+00:00

No advice other than that with narcissists the only way to win is not to play. The void caused by the pain of losing your family will be filled with truth and peace. Not necessarily happiness in the way most people understand or define it.

jijitsu-princess · 2021-11-15T02:45:17+00:00

I can’t say it will be easier especially during the holidays. But the peace I get from not having those people in my life is priceless.

I’m also against “family is blood yada yada”. Statistically family’s cause more harm to the vulnerable than any other group.

LittleWinn · 2021-11-15T02:43:05+00:00

My whole family is ZVM, with the exception of my brother who is a HVM, and thus remains single and focused on his education. None of the rest of them know where I am, or that I’m even married and have a child. Zero contact since I was of legal age.

veronique7 · 2021-11-15T18:38:31+00:00

My mother is a major PICK ME and I have had her cut off for a few years. She was extremely neglectful when I was a childhood and so desperate for male affection she turned a blind eye when her boyfriends abused us. I finally decided to cut her off a few years and I have been much better since. It was hard at first. I literally had to block about 30 phone numbers because she kept texting and calling from different numbers. Also block a few social media accounts.

But it is really much better now. I am able to just be my own person and not worry about what my mother wants from me like money and favors. Also just the fact that I am so... Upset she let us be treated terribly because having a man in her life was so important.

Though I do understand how so much of her life was just shaped by her being treated poorly herself when she was younger and being caught up in the idea a man would save her from abuse and poverty. Turns out she just got with really shitty guys.

It gets easier over time. Also therapy helps a lot.

TempDetect · 2021-11-16T21:55:15+00:00

Did it. Realized I don't need permission from anyone to protect myself, and anyone who loves me will listen to my reasons.

Jinxhourglass · 2021-11-16T00:05:51+00:00

I wish I had a success story but truthfully a die hard L/NVM family member cannot and will not change unless it’s by force. All other family members or family friends would have to be on board with holding them accountable. If said family member has even one standalone enabler they will have no incentive to change. Although the change isn’t genuine since it’s coming from a place of not being given a choice, it’s better to have the local NVM under control. If they can’t be controlled they need to be kept at a distance at best, whether that be physical distance, through grey rocking, etc.

Hoodtrapstar · 2022-06-03T14:15:15+00:00

Therapy didn’t help you with anything lmao. Your mother having a more successful social life literally means she was picked and you still can’t get attention by crying “pick me” on the internet

Title	I wish it was easier to block and delete NVM/LVM family.
Author	randomdazee
Upvotes	104
Comments	18
Date	November 14, 2021 7:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qtxfc9/i_wish_it_was_easier_to_block_and_delete_nvmlvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-wish-it-was-easier-to-block-and-delete-nvmlvm.1084094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084094

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