No.. just no

chatrebelle · 2020-08-28T21:50:46+00:00

It's like we make men better but they make us worse and people seem to think that's normal.

BasieSkanks · 2020-08-28T21:57:17+00:00

Low value men do not change for any women. They just find a woman/women who will accommodate their bullshit, or end up alone.

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2020-08-28T22:05:29+00:00

You’re welcome realizing how much you traumatized me made you a “ better” person . 😒

jjlew922 · 2020-08-28T22:58:26+00:00

She needs to get in touch with her anger for being used as a placeholder. Wake up woman.

greensciencegeek · 2020-08-28T23:43:02+00:00

No, I am not a lesson for someone to learn!

purasangria · 2020-08-28T21:50:44+00:00

Nope. 💅

everythingandlove · 2020-08-28T23:34:11+00:00

FUCKING NO. I’ve done that, but I’m over it. Why should I waste my youth fixing someone?

Ladies, if you spend too much time fixing someone else, you will look back in your life and realize that you never had time to work on yourself.

Stay strong, Queen. 🌺😎👸

fim_de_semana · 2020-08-29T01:01:35+00:00

I really hope whoever dates my ex right now really has a better time than I did, because I don’t want any woman to have to go through what I did.

NonRedittor · 2020-08-29T00:07:10+00:00

No. We are not rehabilitation centers

hexchromosome · 2020-08-29T00:17:50+00:00

I think the quote "women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men" fits here.

randomgirlimok · 2020-08-29T04:12:26+00:00

Men do NOT change, they just find someone who is more willing to put up with their crap. Perhaps the woman had an even worse relationship before and in comparison thinks he is great. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure!

DJSparksalot · 2020-08-29T01:47:29+00:00

This is a valid thing to address imo. Avoiding this is the goal but this mindset can trap people in abusive relationships. My bff and I have been friends since Kindergarten and were both abused and grew up to be pickmes.

We both got into years long abusive relationships in our early 20s. I bounced last year after wasting 3 years. I put in work on that relationship but I know it all was worthless and the cost was sunk on him. It's been a year of getting my head on straight and thanks in part to this sub spelling it out for me and in part to maturing I'm aware of the nature of most men and will not again settle for less than I'm worth.

She on the other hand is 6 years in and kept on a short leash totally wrapped around his finger. She for the last 6 years has dealt with being alienated from friends, cheated on, and beaten and believes that it's her fault and she deserves it & if she just learns to be the perfect gf he will change. I've tried to convince her to leave even before leaving my own ex and she moved into my house briefly this January before going back, only to come back to mine this week. After he smashed her phone in a drunken rage and physically attacked her.

But even after this I can see him weaseling his way into making her feel responsible for it. That his emotional issues made him do it and he's just a SadBoi^TM who needs her to rescue him because he's too incompetent to save himself without her.

Trying again to convince her yesterday she said something about how she's done so much for him and all of that work will be for nothing. I tried to explain sunk cost to her but don't know if my words were lost on her. Even though he's garbage she's done things to improve his life and isn't comfortable walking away from that which she has dedicated herself to for years because he gives her just enough validation to think that the work she's putting in will eventually be appreciated.

I know she's making bad choices now by always thinking the best of him and the worst of herself and continuing to waste her time on him when frankly I'm afraid what's next is him killing her. But I really want to communicate to her and other women in her position not to subscribe to the sunk cost fallacy and to walk away from the years you invested knowing that you gained nothing and that the only thing you can do to protect yourself at that point is to stop investing more.

Maybe they really did level up at your cost (most don't, my ex didn't. But for months I thought I had as he was gallivanting around with the girl he cheated on me with happy as a clam acting like world's best bf on social media before I blocked them. But from what I hear from mutual friends he's regressed to being the same abusive alchoholic asshole he was during our relationship, so just take them being in a "better" position because of you but without you with a grain of salt.) But if you have the courage to walk away at least what you gained is a lesson on behavior not to tolerate.

lilithdianara · 2020-08-29T03:22:06+00:00

This kind of mentality breeds more pickmes

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-08-28T23:30:31+00:00

This is true, but not for personal relationships. It's not okay to take advantage of people like that.

So big shout out to all my past therapists, doctors, nurses, mentors, bosses, etc. I love you and thanks so much for helping me!

LevelTurbulent · 2020-08-29T00:53:38+00:00

Oh, this is probably what some of his many girlfriends think.

They're in for a rude awakening. He's not better. Lol

Alpha_Aries · 2020-08-29T04:36:38+00:00

imagine saying this to men! HA!

2020-08-29T07:05:15+00:00

Yes, if you are a licensed therapist.

myousername · 2020-08-29T08:00:59+00:00

Ooops forgot which sub I was on and almost accidentally downvoted

FlamingDragonQueen · 2020-08-29T06:29:08+00:00

I interpreted this as just knife the men and then I wen to the comments and was like oh

throwawayyyyyynowww · 2020-08-29T06:49:32+00:00

He made me better for the next. Jokes on him!

lacyvulture · 2020-08-29T07:07:54+00:00

Cope

burntbpd · 2020-08-29T17:15:57+00:00

🤒🤒🤒

Title	No.. just no
Author	thatsrightmytype11
Upvotes	240
Comments	29
Date	August 28, 2020 9:40 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iig6m8/no_just_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/no-just-no.170249 https://theredarchive.com/post/170249

Comments