Not mine. But we all can relate.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-09-22T05:20:31+00:00

Amen to every word.

Leave. Your life literally depends on it. You're not crazy.

People are reactionary, and when you get away from these guys it's still stepping out of a fog. Literally everything about your life is instantly so much clearer, calmer and simpler

Imaginary-Newt-493 · 2021-09-22T05:18:41+00:00

This case is so triggering for me. Gabby was failed by a broken system. I watched the body am footage and I couldn't believe that the cops thought her slapping him was worse than him taking the keys and threatening to Abandon her in the desert. In the whole Altercation they never acknowledge she might have been fighting for her life. They make sure she has several bottles of water and offer her a Gatorade, so you know it was super hot. How did they ignore the fact that brian threatening to leave her on the road was a death threat? The scrote was like, " I took the keys and locked her out of the car so she could calm down". In 100 degree heart, in the middle of nowhere. Jfc

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-22T09:46:11+00:00

Narcissists can’t even love themselves, why you think they rely on supply so hard & can’t take rejection?

They can’t even keep it real with themselves, everyday they look in the mirror and lie to themselves ‘I am a great person! I am superior! All those people who said I am abusive are the mean ones!’ with a half assed deformed droopy grin. Because deep down, they know it’s them. And they are dead inside. Just look in their eyes: bottomless void. Weakness. How attractive….not.

Their entire life is a cope and that’s why they can’t stand anyone who sees through it.

Underneath is a volatile fragile ego that will turn on you any minute.

Ilivetowork · 2021-09-22T12:49:21+00:00

What stood out to me is that were going to arrest her because he had scratches on him. Those are defense scratches . When my ex was choking me to death I scratched the shit of him trying to save my life. How is this world still protecting these abusive men

zorua · 2021-09-22T10:14:55+00:00

I hate how relatable it is. My ex was a covert narcissist and only 9 months out of 2 years was happy. He used to "joke" about using his "wife" (me) for kids then killing her- which he denied ever saying. He made a comparison to me causing arguments to someone murdering someone and tampering with the body (weirdest shit ever i still dont make sense of it).

Narcissists are fucked up.

GlitterLoveAngel · 2021-09-22T05:09:05+00:00

God, it’s so sad that she had her life taken over this mistake. I’m not trying to victim blame or anything. It’s just she looked so positive and sweet in her videos. She was definitely WAY out of Brian's league and she had so much potential. Only for all of that to be taken away because of a man.

I wish she knew her worth and knew that she didn’t have to settle for a guy like Brian. Just imagine if she knew that or after what happened in the body cam footage, she realized that she deserved better. Imagine how happier she would look in her videos. Imagine how healthy her body would be if she no longer had Brian in her life(Abuse and stress can literally physically affect your body and overall health. Even if it isn’t physical abuse.) Imagine how her mental health would probably be at its prime if she decided to cut him out of her life and figured out that she would do even better if she went on the journey to achieve her dreams on her own. Imagine how much she would be thriving if she came to this realization.

We need to stop teaching women and young girls that their value and worth is solely based on the man they’re with and men in general. We have to show our daughters what a healthy relationship is and to not settle without feeling guilty or overreacting. We also have to start teaching them that they genuinely don’t need a man to succeed in life and are perfectly capable of achieving a happy life and their dreams on their own. We have to let women leave at the first red flag and sign of toxicity without feeling bad for it or that they’re being over dramatic and sensitive for doing so. We need to teach women that being high maintenance and having high standards and boundaries aren’t bad at all and should actually be the norm.

We also desperately need to let women know to always go with her intuition and to never ignore it. If you’re getting a bad feeling about a guy, listen to it and LEAVE. Don’t ruin or risk your life for the sake of a man. Even if you have the instinct to be nice and try to make him happy even if he’s upsetting you like women usually do, don’t. Men are not worth any of your time and energy and so much more women need to realize this.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-09-22T12:41:28+00:00

Yes all this!

Been there and my friends and family could see the change and were shocked.

Isolated, blaming myself, fearful, feeling inadequate...

All this and more. Gaslit and abused emotionally, physically and sexually. Made to think that up is down and 2+2=5; the whole Orwellian buffet was there and I, too blindsided to see because I was groomed to think I was difficult, unlovable.

Trapped in his car and begging him to slow down or to level me alone and stop touching, pinching and kneading my flesh until bruising like I was an Ikea pillow on display, not a human being. Made to think that this was love. Hot n cold, up n down. Being talked about in 3rd person when others were present. Repeatedly being told I'm difficult to be with.

For this "love" and those toxic childhood messages I'm in therapy and I'm doing much better. It surprised me to realize that I'm not difficult, bossy or strange. I'm freaking normal, and I've been gaslit.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-22T17:11:46+00:00

My ex always carried a knife in his pocket. He was so unstable and unpredictable that I didn't know when he would just stab me.

When I finally did decide to kick him out, I had to leave to a place where he couldn't get me and then I called his dad to come pick him up. His own father told me not to go near him because I would be at risk of being hurt or killed. He said that he himself would call me once he was able to pick my ex up and that if there was any damage done to my apartment, he'd come and fix it and pay for the repairs. He was so disappointed in his son, but knew who he was. He told me he wasn't joking when he told me I could do better than his son.

After I called my exes dad, I called my ex and told him. The dude had a full on meltdown and cried and called me on repeat and vaguely threatened suicide. In order for me to get him to leave I had to promise it was only for a few months so he could get his mental health in order so we could be together. I also lied and said I had canceled the lease on the apartment for the end of the month, so he couldn't camp out there.

He tried to many times to have me come see him, "For one more date, so I can get it right this time. Treat you like you deserve "

And when I asked him why he never took care of his issues when I asked him to, he said , "I never thought you would actually leave me."

It's been almost 6 years and he still tries to contact me at random. I had to change my number twice and all my emails and passwords etc.

But what did the police say? They couldn't do anything since he never laid a hand on me and couldn't remove him from the apartment because his name was on the lease. So it was just he said, she said. His knife didn't count since it was legal conceal carry size and it was hunting season, so everyone in town carried a knife. He couldn't even be held for suicide watch because he never outright said he'd attempt it, his language was too vague.

Police don't so sh**.

Hyde-ey · 2021-09-22T08:55:37+00:00

My ex and I went fishing at a dam with a friend of his one day. Before we went I told him we just need to stay close to the restrooms as I was on my period and he agreed. I drove with him. When we got there, we stopped on the opposite side of the dam, far to walk but quick to drive so I said nothing. We started fishing and had a couple of beers. It was a good start to a nice day outdoors. Later on I felt that I needed to go change so I asked him if I can go quick. He said no, he is the only one allowed to drive his truck. I asked him to please take me then and he said no, he is fishing so I can go in the woods. I told him I can't, it is unsanitary and I told him beforehand. He still refused. This turned into a massive fight that ended in him taking me (after I had to make one hell of a scene) but then shaming me for "always drinking too much and causing fights". How "embarrassed he was of me" around his friends. Stupid me still stayed for months.

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-09-22T06:57:42+00:00

This whole case is extremely triggering and upsetting :(

AdmiralRando · 2021-09-22T21:12:48+00:00

My problem with leaving came from religious views and from an inability to see myself as a “battered woman”.

If you are constantly saying of your man, “well, he was raised in a terrible family” or “he has been through a lot and I know it will get better if I XYZ”. Please rethink this.

Take one of those “are you being abused?” tests online, and take a hard look at how you would treat people under his same circumstances.

Even if you ARE the gold-digging/cheating/awful mother/terrible whore that he says you are, you still deserve only to be LEFT. Stop trying to prove yourself “right”, and just leave him. Your kids will thank you. Start making a plan.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-22T12:08:28+00:00

Well if this isn’t my ex, the blame is real, if you respond in some way the will make you feel guilty only for stand up for yourself snd take it personal, narcissists shit. It makes me sad that she didn’t have the chance to leave, he reslly get in her nerves snd brain washed her, ladies never let a man or other person do that to you, trust your instincts snd yourself. Qedp i hope she won’t be forget snd ser sn example for young girls and how a toxic relationship can end this way

capresesalad1985 · 2021-09-22T15:00:29+00:00

One of the best lines I have ever heard about relationships is “he doesn’t have to be an F to not be an A”...which basically equates to he doesn’t have to be crazy abusive or lazy or an a-hole to not be a great partner.

I think far too often women rationalize relationships with “it’s not that bad”. Yea he raises his voice, but he didn’t hit me so I don’t have enough of a reason to break up with him. You don’t need one. I don’t want to date you anymore is reason enough.

I commented this am on a post in a fb group where everyone was commenting on a post from a woman who was excited to have met a 52 y/o man (she was 27) and he was in an ethically open marriage and he was going to treat her like a queen blah blah. I only commented that I would never date someone in a ethically open relationship because I don’t do second place. Holy Moly the pickmes that came out to put me in my place, it was insane. The theme of their comments was “not everything is a competition” and is this case it is. If you even have to question are you the number one female in his life, and question if your being treated any less than queen status, then it’s time to get movin.

Title	Not mine. But we all can relate.
Author	browngodis
Upvotes	1366
Comments	62
Date	September 22, 2021 4:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pt0293/not_mine_but_we_all_can_relate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/not-mine-but-we-all-can-relate.1075043 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075043

Comments