This is something that's been on my mind a lot lately, especially with posts like this and this.

I feel like there are a lot of cases where therapy, particularly couples counseling, end up doing more harm than good.

It's important to remember that therapists are not gods or psychics. They're mortal beings too, they're fallible, they have biases and blind spots just like any human.

Because we live in a patriarchal world, it is to be expected that therapists have internalized misogyny which they then project onto their clients, consciously or unconsciously. They often fail to acknowledge the gendered power dynamics at play.

In the same way that a lot of mainstream media narratives end up disproportionately harming women, I get the impression that a lot of mainstream therapy is similarly harmful to women. Some of the narratives that get promoted in the therapist's office, such as "just communicate better!" "both sides are equally valid" "all relationships can be saved if only you just work hard enough!" etc. obviously do not apply in cases of abuse or where one partner just isn't invested and doesn't give a shit.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a huge advocate for getting mental health treatment including (but not limited to) therapy. That being said, I feel very strongly that going to an individual therapist is more worthwhile, so that you can work on your self esteem and setting boundaries. Couples therapy is too often used as a form of triangulation and a tool to manipulate the less-powerful-partner.

So I'm curious to hear some of your therapy stories: what was your experience going to individual or couples counseling? I'm interested in therapy fails, as well as any therapy wins.

Also, is this something you'd like to hear discussed on the podcast?