Romance shouldn't be a literary analysis. It's clear.

seelina455 · 2020-04-03T02:57:29+00:00

I had emotionally abusive parents, so unfortunately, I was raised with the belief that I was hard to love. That I had to be perfect in order to be loved. That I was always imperfect, no matter how I tried. So in turn, this meant, in romantic relationships I also felt the need to seek out complicated relationships and unhealthy dynamics in order to feel like something was "real". I'm unlearning that though. It's hard work, but cutting my parents off has helped a ton.

Rockymemorylane · 2020-04-03T01:22:03+00:00

Love should not be hard to interpret. If you find yourself annotating, analyzing, and dismantling words and actions of love to understand them, then run.

AngelicBastard · 2020-04-03T05:41:16+00:00

I like the first line. This should be obvious at this point if you browse through FDS or use common sense. I think this subreddit can be summed up in 4 words.

YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT.

I understand many people struggle to believe this about themselves. But once you realize this and internalize this and genuinely believe it, I reckon 99% of your relationship questions/issues will disappear.

2020-04-03T02:33:39+00:00

Yup, and don’t make your happiness a lesser priority than his because his words try to paint you a pretty picture, especially an abstract one.

Endermiss · 2020-04-03T03:01:02+00:00

Aw fuck, c'mon. I'm not ready to hear this right now.

mouthyhousewife · 2020-04-03T12:55:12+00:00

There’s a guy I was into a few years ago who I honestly still believe he loved me. I completely understand the internal war between his ego and his insecurities. I’ve been there.

And I understand how or why a woman would justify getting less by thinking he’s just insecure or maybe he’s been hurt, etc.

But the thing is... it’s not my problem. It’s not problem he’s insecure. We’re all a little insecure at some point or another. He didn’t have to lie to kick it. In fact, had he been more open instead of trying to be such a tough guy, we probably could have had a decent relationship.

But now he’ll live the rest of his life without me. Poor chap.

Muffcakelord · 2020-04-03T03:06:47+00:00

Women on this sub:

Men: OMG THE HATRED. WOMEN REALLY ARE INCELS TOO HUH

damselinareddress · 2020-04-03T16:28:11+00:00

Same. Also survived very difficult childhood trauma and abuse that went well into young adulthood. It has made navigating relationships complicated. I'm naturally a sweet, giving and deeply nurturing. This often makes me a Target or I end up being taking for granted. I'm sick of it. Romance or bust, treat me like gold or get out. I find I have made excuses for low effort or crap behaviour. You have to intentionally set the bar higher and that is difficult when internally you feel like you don't deserve it. You deserve it !

jewdy09 · 2020-04-03T02:23:00+00:00

This is hate speech! /s

AotearoaCanuck · 2020-04-03T06:17:42+00:00

Love this!!

AngelStarfire · 2020-04-03T08:50:38+00:00

Sorry for my silly question but what does she mean by 'romance shouldn't be a literary analysis, it should be explicit'? Is she referring to when you ask a man what he likes about you and he says 'Idk you're just different'?

lunamermaid · 2020-04-03T06:01:05+00:00

I needed this so much tonight, quarantine has me messed up in the head. Thank you

juliet-elia · 2020-04-03T10:57:56+00:00

Except when he writes you poetry though

ineffablekitten · 2020-04-03T14:45:35+00:00

It’s true, it can be clear, however for me my anxiety makes me analyze and read into everything regardless of how expressive my partners are...

2020-04-03T08:11:36+00:00

This explains a lot! No wonder I’m so drawn to complicated, ambiguous relationships. Same reason I’m drawn to complicated and ambiguous books. Deciphering, dissecting and reading between the lines are my favorite things to do. It’s thrilling and imaginative work!

True, it has major drawbacks, in the case of love, because unlike in literary analysis, your heart is on the line, and you run the risk of misreading things. But it’s the same with literature!

Consider Ulysses. Though it one of the most celebrated books in the English canon, the vast majority of college educated English speaking people have never, and will never, read it. And why on earth would they? It’s not that they are not capable, any more than the average, able-bodied person is not capable of learning to play, say, tennis. Nor can it be sufficiently explained by human laziness, insufficient time, or the prevailing unpopularity of old literature. After all, many of the same people who see no point in reading Ulysses, have read the King James Version cover to cover, three times over. It is most likely, I suspect, a very rational and often warranted reluctance to dive into he murky waters of uncertainty, contradiction and ambiguity, that keeps many people away from Ulysses. A few may dip their toes in, reading the back of the dust jacket. More will make a compromise with themselves, pulling out their college copy of Dubliners or The Portrait of an Artist in its stead. But Ulysses? They’ll pass. Why spend time reading something, they argue, if know ahead of time you’re inevitably going to end up getting lost, and likely never quite able to find you’re way all the way back. Why even attempt at understanding something you know you never quite will, if you expect to be confused, mislead, and even intentionally deceived? Who would want that? Especially when you could just as easily read that perfectly crisp Stephen King paperback on your shelf. Every once and a while you’ll look up and see Ulysses peering down at you, tauntingly, and for a second you let yourself imagine what it might be like to undress by its mystery, its dignity, all leather-bound, and more than twice as big (!) as the now pitiful yellowing paperback on your bedside table... but just in time, your practical, protective instincts start quick back in and you snap out of it and think, “What if I get all the way through, put in all that effort, and end up nowhere? Or worse, completely misinterpret the whole thing and embarrass myself in front of my literary friends? And so you shake yourself back, pick up your reading glasses, and resume your place.

There are also those, however, who choose a different route. Some who feverishly embrace the ambiguities, uncertainties and complexities of Joyce. Not because they want to show off later, but because the act of reading and interpreting and misinterpreting and reinterpreting is like their lifeblood. They risk getting everything wrong, wasting all of their time, being ridiculed by the peers and families and even their own sanity for the sake of their passion for analysis. They get hopelessly lost and fail to understand something on nearly every page. They often read way too much into the wrong details, are prone to fantastic flights of fancy, and spend hours rereading the same paragraph over and over, each time seeing something a little differently. By the end of the book, they are not sure what they were supposed to take away from the novel, but they guess. They are often wonderfully off base, but by opening the book in the first place, they have experienced something rich and mysterious and unique.

And then they start over. They sharpen their skills, gradually becoming better and better at literary analysis. Yay!!!

Juditka_ · 2020-04-03T10:08:49+00:00

I give myself a favor and take "mixed signals" as a "NO".

emmiecsmith · 2020-04-03T19:01:54+00:00

Period

littleace · 2020-04-03T05:15:48+00:00

I especially needed this today

damselinareddress · 2020-04-04T15:41:02+00:00

Also want to add, romance isn't a luxury in a realationship. It's a requirement.

Title	Romance shouldn't be a literary analysis. It's clear.
Author	Rockymemorylane
Upvotes	2116
Comments	36
Date	April 3, 2020 1:17 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ftyt6c/romance_shouldnt_be_a_literary_analysis_its_clear/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/romance-shouldnt-be-a-literary-analysis-its-clear.679090 https://theredarchive.com/post/679090

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