Saying "I love you"

p0ludnitsa · 2021-09-14T00:03:35+00:00

I have not and will never say it first. I'd expect it a few months after him formally asking me to be his girlfriend, when we know each other better. Anything under 4 months is too soon, as his mask will not have had time to slip. This is just my experience and may not be the same for everyone else.

Technusgirl · 2021-09-13T16:15:27+00:00

Don't let the internet gaslight you into thinking it's ok to wait a year or more for a guy to say "I love you". A guy usually knows within 3 months. If he doesn't love you by then, then he never will. I was with a guy for two years and the only time he said he loved me was when he was drunk. He never expressed and feelings towards me and made me feel guilty for expressing mine towards him. It was obvious by the end I was just a free prostitute to him so I ended things. Never again.

Within 2 to 3 months is the appropriate amount of time in my opinion.

PetuniaXo · 2021-09-13T14:53:57+00:00

I usually wait for him to say "I love you" first, and strongly believe in this for women. That's not to say you can't be warm and loving towards him til then if you feel he is deserving, but I don't think you should clearly state that you love him until after he says so...and after you mean it. (And of course don't do "wife things" as a girlfriend)

I know one woman who said I love you to her bf and he didn't say it back til months later (I think a year into the relationship?). I can tell he's not that into her, he is stringing her along as he is in his late 30s, they've been together for about 4 years now, and he is sure to keep some distance between them. He hasn't expressed any interest in marriage or a future. She does a lot of "wifely duties" as well (cooking, etc. I'm aware that even as a wife one isn't obligated to do this, but you definitely shouldn't be doing all that on a regular basis w no real commitment). I know some other couples where the woman said I love you first and she seems more into the man (and the idea of getting married) than he is into her.

I guess there are cases where he could love you, too, but just hasn't said it, and is holding back for some reason. However, I personally don't want a man who holds back on expressing his feelings for me.

Of course, as most of us know, him saying "I love you" first doesn't mean he is high value or worth your time. It could be a manipulation tactic, or trying to rush you into intimacy/get ofher girlfriend benefits. I just believe he should say it first, then you can vet further from there.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-13T15:05:38+00:00

Because I dated toxic men in the past who refused to say it (not always the case) I make a point of never dating a guy who has issues expressing his feelings for me. I would also never say it first. I did once and it didn’t turn out well.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-09-13T13:53:56+00:00

Sex should wait a least 3 or more months, but there’s no specific timeline. It will be different for every woman and everyone’s comfort level, but the important thing is to give both of you time to become familiar and comfortable. Men who are hiding a LV nature will struggle the longer they need to wear that mask and being diligent and vetting during the entire relationship is important.

I would say expressing love is on the same wavelength. You’re not doomed if you say it too soon and it doesn’t work out. You don’t have to commit yourself to loving someone who has dropped a mask or changed or you’ve grown apart from.

In essence, it’s a very impulsive thing, hopefully he will say it first, but if you do, his reaction is also an opportunity to vet.

Sweet_Bee_8839 · 2021-09-13T17:00:20+00:00

I wouldn’t be in any kind of official relationship with someone who hadn’t in some way communicated that they loved me. Or if I didn’t love them. And I would do everything I could to not love someone until they had in some way expressed they loved me. I’ve pined after guys who didn’t care about me and I refuse to do that again.

the_moocher80 · 2021-09-13T17:06:40+00:00

He said the first ‘I love you’ after 6 months together, I knew it had been building for a while, however I was determined not to be the first one to say it. We were officially bf/gf after 2 months & again he asked me.

ShitFaced_Dumbledore · 2021-09-13T18:28:20+00:00

Great question I’d love to hear other’s opinions about this because I’ve been dating someone for 6 months and no I love you yet. I wouldn’t dare say it first.

On the one hand I feel like by 6 months you should know if you love a person? BUT I also get love means different things to different people. It can be more casual for some, for others It could be something they say when they feel deeply committed to someone, wanting to build a life with them, etc.

In my case, I felt like I loved him at 3 months and that’s usually when I would be burning to say it but I just ignored it and the feeling faded and i realized that was just the infatuation phase. Now I feel like the “love” keeps building, and we both care about each other equally with the time, effort, and affection we give.

We became bf/gf 2 months into dating for reference.

Sister_cat · 2021-09-14T13:18:25+00:00

I have said it to my current boyfriend just yesterday. We met 5 months ago. I don’t wait for the man to say it first! But if he does and I’m not there yet, I do not feel bad about not saying it back. My rules are: - wait at least three months to say it - only say it when you really really can’t hold it anymore

Obviously this is when I am absolutely sure of his commitment and my feelings. Oh, and even though I don’t expect him to say it first, I DO expect him to ask me out & ask me to be his girlfriend.

poppinkitty · 2021-09-13T13:46:31+00:00

Well for me the guy should declare his love for me only after that I will say yes to being his girlfriend aka officially in a relationship. You should wait for him to say it.

notbossyjustaboss · 2021-09-13T14:46:24+00:00

For me "I love you's" are not that important. The way someone express love and affection through actions is much more important. To say something is easy. To act accordingly? It takes effort and commitment.

I will not love a guy after just 3 months we've know each other. It could take years. "I love you's" are meant to be very costly and he should earn it in first place. Though I wouldn't say it at all if I didn't mean it. "I love you" means to me that I would do anything for that person, or almost anything. It means that even if their life fell apart I would take the blows with them.

Respect and trust should be established before love. They should be the essential parts of a relationship. And if that's not established in first place, anytime is too soon. You just bring it up if he really deserves it. And personally I would only do this if he had said it first or if he really showed that he cared about me through his actions.

The thing is, if both people in a relationship say they love each other, it's not necessarily the truth. And vice versa. If both people in a relationship don't express affection for each other verbally it doesn't mean that they don't love each other.

starlight_sequence · 2021-09-13T19:08:31+00:00

The "I love you" has usually come around the six month mark for me. I would wait for him to say it first.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-13T19:48:56+00:00

I personally don't attach weight to this phrase - it's easy to say and doesn't mean feelings are genuine. Focus on evaluating how the relationship makes you feel as a whole. I've noticed when I am on the edge of my seat waiting for a guy to take X step in the relationship, it means I feel like he's not doing enough and it becomes a problem.

Disclaimers out of the way - I do think it's important to let the guy take the lead on saying it, and don't say it back until you genuinely mean it.

s_slayer · 2021-09-13T22:46:35+00:00

I wouldn't tolerate it beyond maybe a month or two. If they are that afraid of those words then they probably aren't for me because I need a lot of love if I'm going to give my heart and soul to a man. I've heard of men going like a year or two without saying it and the women stay. It just blows my mind..makes me think of someone "better" came along they'd get right out of there and with the new woman. That said, to me it's the actions that really show love. If the actions match the words, that's wonderful. If they don't he's probably just going to string you along. Actions speak way louder than words.

jayda92 · 2021-09-14T09:25:52+00:00

My new boyfriend (we are together now for 5 weeks) told me after a week. At the beach, during sunset. He listed things why he specifically loved me (they were all about my personality). I told him for the first time last week. I felt it, it felt good to say it, I don't regret it one bit. Time will tell.

skyerippa · 2021-09-14T21:53:01+00:00

Id say 6 months

Title	Saying "I love you"
Author	kada556
Upvotes	145
Comments	21
Date	September 13, 2021 1:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pnf5e7/saying_i_love_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/saying-i-love-you.1068934 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068934

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