Many women have learned that, in today’s dating climate, unfavorable or even abusive relationships with men will deprive them of our most precious resources: time and health.

Think of how many opportunities – including academic, professional, and financial ones – you have missed out on due to all the added stress and trauma a man has put you through, often repeatedly (reminder: do not beat yourself up about it, so long as you recognize all that you have learned from your experiences; use that knowledge to your advantage). How hard it was to nurse yourself back to sanity, confidence, and peace. How much all this unnecessary heartache has took from you.

Therefore, if you have found yourself in a relationship with a NV/LV man, this post is for you. Use it as a resource to help yourself make one of the most important choices a woman can make to level up her life – end the relationship.

So, how do you start the process of detaching yourself from him? I suggest that you use the following as a guide to your relationship/“situationship”:

— Ask for support and accountability: Tell your trusted friend, relative, and/or therapist that you want to leave your relationship. Do not be afraid to ask for guidance, support, and encouragement. Let them know that you are in the process of getting ready to leave your LV/NVM, and ask that they keep you accountable in case you regress on your decision to end the relationship.

— Practice reflection and self-compassion: Be it under a therapist’s supervision or on your own, reflect on all the shitty, painful moments that have been done to you; do not hesitate to put the blame where it belongs: did he gaslight to, lie, manipulate, and abuse you to get his way? Write that down. Explore how these traumatic events/manipulations played part in creating the trauma bond you now have. Understand that it’s important to not beat yourself down for staying in a relationship with an abusive man. Practice self-compassion and ensure that you are taking good care of yourself.

— Let yourself be angry: You are a woman who deserved to be treated with respect, gentle love, and care. You deserved to be taken seriously, your aspirations supported, your effort cherished. Recognize that your anger is absolutely valid. Use this emotion to put yourself first and cut off anyone who does not have your best interest at heart.

— Journal through the process: Start a journal (an electronic one, which can be protected by a password). Write all of your feelings down. Write out your own strategy of dealing with the heartache that will come up post-breakup. How do you plan to handle it? What can you do to soothe yourself in a healthy, gentle way?

— Plan out the breakup: What do you need to do before the breakup? Clean up your social media, go private? Decide which friends of his (suggested: all of them, him included) you will block? What will you text him when you finally decide to end the relationship? Will you need to meal-prep to ensure that you are eating healthy? Will you set aside 30 minutes a day to have a light workout, release the tension/stress stored in your body? Think about it thoroughly, to ensure that you do not engage with him post-breakup.

So far, that is all. Ladies, share your suggestions in the comments!