Strategy - make him jump through hoops

PixiesGem · 2021-12-29T15:40:06+00:00

This is a silly one.

My boyfriends mother is afraid of birds which translated to him being somewhat afraid of birds. Maybe "nervous" of birds is more appropriate.

I have chickens and pigeons. When I showed him them I tried to get him to hold one and it flapped its wings as he tried to hold onto it and it freaked him out and he let it go. We laughed and he said he likes them but would rather not try to hold them.

After a period of time I was experiencing some burn out and I felt like caring for the birds was too much for me so I was going to rehome them.

He suggested that I would regret letting them go when I was feeling better so I suggested he could take care of them for me.

He jumped into farmer role with enthusiasm. He rebuilt parts of my chicken coop and improved the waterers and feeders.

His problem was that some of the birds did not return inside the coop at night and would opt to roost in the outdoor part of the enclosure. The outdoor portion is not as secure against predators so birds who do this need to be picked up and put inside the coop.

He never asked me once to come catch the birds. After not too long I saw him out there carrying the birds around with no issues at all. He had googled the best way to hold birds like this to ensure they don't flap or get too stressed because he didn't even want me to have the mental load of explaining what had to be done.

All in all this is a silly situation but it really took so much weight off my mind and the fact that he used outside resources without me having to manage the situation was a real breathe of fresh air.

In summary, my boyfriend went on a quest to take care of animals he was slightly afraid of to reduce my workload, and not only did he succeed in his quest but he also proved men have the ability to problem solve and overcome their fears when they want to. Who knew?? 😆

Buggy1218 · 2021-12-29T13:22:34+00:00

Haha I love this take. I suppose I did this accidentally with my now husband. When we met I was adamantly single. There was attraction but I had no hope for men at that point.

He did all the work until we were official. He planned the dates, he paid, he called and texted me first. I remember my mom telling me “if you like him you should initiate something so he doesn’t think you’re not interested.”

I was like “mom, love you, but no. I have a life to live wether this goes somewhere or not. It’s way too soon to let him think he’s won me over.”

He did win me over after a few more dates and I checked a few more boxes on my list. Easiest experience dating ever. And that’s exactly how it should feel.

adalovelace1793--- · 2021-12-29T23:46:07+00:00

I made a LVM jump over just 1 cm of my good boundaries and he broke his teeth on the ground 🤣🤣🤣

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-12-29T12:20:08+00:00

Oh boy scrotes are going to seethe over this. They think it sounds ridiculous but idk how many times I've praised males for subpar performance on a task just because I thought I needed to be gRaTeFuL he even did it in the first place. I don't want to end up with a man that can't cook, clean, or run errands.

ivesynthed · 2021-12-29T17:19:53+00:00

A small one I do is requesting formal invitations for dates. This started with my ex. I had rejected some of his first date requests, and once when he asked me on a date through text, I said “I only accept formal invitations”.

The next morning, I found a red envelope underneath my mousepad at work, with a fully handmade invitation with calligraphy, asking me to this lovely french restaurant. All details included (time, date, dress code, etc). At the dinner, he also gave me a beautiful written letter talking about all the things he loved about me.

After this, it sort of became a tradition for him to make invitation cards for me when asking me on dates. He also had each one alphabet themed, so the first one was “A” themed, the next one was “B”, and so forth. Both the dates and cards were really well planned and he put a lot of effort into them.

Nowadays, I use the same strategy when guys ask me out. I don’t expect them to be as elaborate as my ex (although I’m sure that when I find the right guy, he will be). But I still find that they put more effort into it when they see that I expect more. NEVER accept low effort dates.

Olympia43 · 2021-12-29T13:02:45+00:00

Lmao, this post makes me remember when I was grateful and happy that my bf went out to buy me a couple of pads. Or when he cleaned the bathroom without me asking him (it happened one time only). Clown Life.

I guess, unfortunately, I haven't a good story to tell about a man doing quality efforts for me (I mean, booking a nice restaurant for a date, gifting flowers, taking tickets for an exibition that I wanted to see, isn't what I consider to be a high effort. It should be basic when you date and court someone). However, I have plenty with my ex girlfriends. I have two ex girlfriends (it didn't work out because we wanted different things for the future) and both of them organized a surprised birthday party for me. It was really thoughtful and done in a way that I would enjoy.

Honestly, no men I ever dated did that. They would just buy me a gift and we would go out after, looking for a restaurant.

Maleddie · 2021-12-29T13:18:57+00:00

I'm listening to a Matthew Hussey audiobook about dating, and he specifically says you should allow men to do things for you and that they enjoy serving women.

gingerandlime · 2021-12-29T15:08:57+00:00

If anyone has an example of a “quest” or elaborate request, I would love to hear it. Learning to make requests in any area of life is challenging for me and I’d love to set my bar higher about what might be an actually elaborate request!

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-29T13:43:18+00:00

This is honestly how it would have to be for me, having been married twice for 25 years. I've been there, done that. No third marriage, no living together. A man would first have to leap in front of me to catch my attention; I'm busy going about my life, getting stuff done. He'd also have to make an effort to be around me consistently. I'm just not good at keeping up with people. Love to see people's status updates on FB, and I usually "like" statuses, but honestly, that's all I do. Partly it's being an introvert and having a rich inner life; partly it's just I've never been good with keeping up with people.

He'd also have to convince me, over at least a year or two, maybe longer, that he actually wants to know me for me. He'd have to convince me he's not after any money. He'd have to convince me he respects my steel-clad boundaries about no marriage or living together. He'd have to prove he can clean up after himself, that he's a whole human with his own hobbies and interests. I'm not easily convinced, and I'm super slow to trust anyway. You want to know me, be part of my life, be a romantic interest? Be prepared to give it time, lots of time, with absolutely no promises of anything. Be an honest, true friend first and foremost, and build from there.

whenthecagedbirdsing · 2021-12-31T14:29:49+00:00

I'm a person who loves sunrises and sunsets. While we were dating my boyfriend woke up at 4am to meet me to catch the sunrise a few times. We've seen some beautiful sunrises as the beach or at the pier together.

Title	Strategy - make him jump through hoops
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	193
Comments	28
Date	December 29, 2021 11:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rr5pme/strategy_make_him_jump_through_hoops/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/strategy-make-him-jump-through-hoops.1212125 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212125

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