This queen! 👏

JiminyJammin · 2021-08-08T14:38:15+00:00

LMAO!! I love it!

localgirlcult · 2021-08-08T16:21:33+00:00

I'm not surprised by all the YTA posts. It's expected that you will mother a man. They can deny it all they want but that's what it is. They want her to already be taking care of him. The implications that she was mocking him🙄 She laughed because it was so out there she thought he was kidding. Anxiety is common, becoming more common as we spend more time at home interacting with others online. I've experienced it too! I'm not some huge extrovert, I hate making calls, I hate going to public institutions and interacting with any officials when I need to get whatever done, I despise having to adjust to new environments. It all stresses me the hell out. It really does. I hate asking strangers for anything. Yes, I've head the sweaty palms and heart beating fast moments in situations that were anxiety inducing to me. I HAVE no other choice in life but to do the things I hate by myself. I can't ask my mommy to go to a first day on a new job instead of me. No, I will not ask some man I'm on a date with to talk to a waiter instead of me because that's weird. If a man asked me to do it I may also react in a way motherwives/mothergirlfriends and their babyhusbands/babyboyfriends might perceive as insensitive but like, I don't know...sorry about it. We can't always hide when something stupid happens to us and we perceive it as stupid. Maybe I'd manage to hide it as not to hurt his precious feelings but it would still be the last date. It is not anyone else's job to live life instead of me and manage all of my anxieties. He should not have asked that and to me it's crazy that he thought he could.

BoxingChoirgal · 2021-08-08T15:07:39+00:00

Oh yes, This.

I could not resist commenting on that thread and assuring her that not only was she NOT the asshole, but that I don't buy this guy's "anxiety" thing.

The way I have seen it play out, it's not a matter of men being "shy," it's that somehow they think it's unmanly to send back food or correct a mistake on their plate.

It's the woman's "job" to be the fussy one.

If OP had played into his game, I could just see him making apologetic/"It's SHE who has the problem, not me" eye contact/shrug aimed at the server while his date does him the favor of speaking on his behalf.

Women are looked upon as fussy Karens when we point out something that needs to be corrected. Men want what they want, but in certain environments (restaurants in particular) they don't want to seem picky. They want to present as manly and "cool."

I recently had to correct my HVM who owns some apartments:

He made a remark about the "lady on the first floor who always has a problem. She was complaining about the AC, etc.."

I said, "Wait. I thought there was a COUPLE living on the first floor." He said, "Yeah but she's the one always complaining about stuff. The man never has a problem."

I said "How do you KNOW he doesn't have ALL the Problems and is making his WIFE do the secretarial job of contacting you?"

I still consider him a HVM because he stopped and thought about it, and realized that he was making a misogynistic assumption.

Unless it's the trim on their Car or some other "manly" issue, men take a weird pride in acting like they don't care about certain details.

My last LVM used to make fun of women who would ask for a different table in a restaurant if it seemed they were being led to a noisy or otherwise undesirable location. These men ENJOY a better seating location and the RIGHT food, etc, but they don't want to have to ask for it. That's apparently women's work. S. M. H.

Editing to add a note about what a HVM would do in the above situation:

Not only speak up on his own behalf, politely, but ALSO: ASK his Date if her food was correct/to her liking.

In Fact, my HVM has a habit of noting what I like when we are sharing app's/small plates , for example. If I say "wow, this is delicious" about something, somehow he eats less of it and there's more of that thing for me.

He also realizes that he doesn't pay attention to stuff like seating location, etc., but knows that it matters to me (This is a fine line. Sometimes men mentally "check out" on details that they actually care about but figure the woman will deal with. Which is not cool.

But, knowing that he lacks a sense of what would be a more desirable space/location, he asks ME if I have a preference, then HE tells the server/hostess where we would like to be.

Take notes.

springtulip475 · 2021-08-08T16:05:11+00:00

omg someone send her a link to fds!!!

mashibeans · 2021-08-08T18:54:09+00:00

Someone for the love of god bring her here, she needs our support for standing up to her standards and boundaries, and not give in to all these crying man babies.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-08-08T19:35:08+00:00

I knew there was a reason I hated those stupid memes (see: Princess Peach & Luigi) of women not being afraid to get vocal about "hEr MaN'z" order. Like, bro, just tell them you wanted curly fries not regular, gfs that encourage mothering their partners 🙄

WorkaholicParty · 2021-08-08T16:19:11+00:00

I'm so disgusted by the comments. All the insels losers trying to bait op and shame her because they think she's enforcing "tOxIcc MaScUlInItY and can't admit she wants an Alfa Male" are sending me.

No scrotes. If you had anxiety like I do you wouldn't ask a complete stranger to talk to a stranger on your behalf if you are scared of talking to strangers. I'd be so embarrassed to bother anyone, let alone a date. And you wouldn't ask women to do things for you, when we are notoriously mocked and antagonised for acting like "Karens".

Funny how anything that women do, men have to hijack. They have completely appropriated the notion that patriarchy hurts men as well (shootout to libfems) to completely crush women's experiences (they never cared about those) and enable themselves to act like babies well into adulthood.

And by the way, this was a shit manipulation test complete with negging and triangulation. Glad she knew better, her reaction is 100% goals.

girl_in_red_costume · 2021-08-08T20:15:32+00:00

When I read this post I knew she should be a FDS member, lol

agonyandhope · 2021-08-09T01:12:04+00:00

How could she be the asshole for not doing something he was not willing to do for himself?

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-08-08T15:33:31+00:00

Stop me if you’ve heard this before.. A weak man with so many wants, has others fight his battles, she’s the problem, he has many justifiable excuses, and his inability to communicate is because he’s got mental health concerns. Weaaaaaaaaaak, I tell ya. What a little complainer man baby. This is the type of man that will be passive aggressive and punish. Dodge that man child.

Sheravenous · 2021-08-08T18:05:52+00:00

Not gonna lie, I would do this for my ex. He would never ask, but I would always (politely) communicate with waitstaff if there was an issue. We were in a LTR and he went above and beyond for me in so many areas, I had no problem taking the lead in those situations.

That being said, if someone I went on a few dates with (was not in an established relationship with) asked me to speak to the server on his behalf... It would make me less attracted to him. IDC, IDC!

If he can't handle himself when he receives chessesticks instead of fried pickles... What's going to happen when we're out and some drunkard is catcalling me? That may seem like a reach but PERSONALLY, I want to be with a man who makes me feel safe and calm in his presence. I don't want to be worried that he's anxiously waiting for me to take the lead 🤢.

I have an anxiety disorder and it makes many tasks difficult for me. Quite often, I'm forcing myself to talk to strangers in restaurants, at the bank, at school, etc. Everyone is different but I wouldn't want to be with someone who's anxiety was so crippling that they would simply eat the wrong order because I refused to speak up for THEM.

If I establish that I take care of him, what happens when I'm having a bad day? Who will take care of me?

**Incoming Conspiracy Theory***

With all the memes of girlfriends speaking up for their boyfriends floating around nowadays, I wouldn't be surprised if some men do this as a kind of test. They want to see how quickly and how enthusiastically you will provide emotional support and do labour for them. I don't like this idea of "siccing" your gf on ppl instead of standing up for yourself. There's something very childish about it.

shedipity · 2021-08-08T23:19:16+00:00

🙄 if you’re anxiety is that bad you have to ask a stranger to talk to the waiter get treated and stop relying on women to baby you

modernmedusaa · 2021-08-09T04:17:46+00:00

Omg these men are so fragile- god help us if there’s another war

He shouldn’t be dating if he’s that anxious - he should go to therapy

Me thinks he uses his ‘anxiety’ as an excuse to get women to do everything for him & test their boundaries

Also I once dated an anxious guy who put on a very masculine ‘collected’ bravado at work.....he was very manipulative and attention seeking. And miserable. Not to mention passive aggressive.

He would play stupid mind games then get upset when I wouldn’t invest - he didn’t know how to communicate. And he was stingy, self-victimising and selfish.

He would often use his ‘anxiety’ in a bid to get his way, on his terms only.

If you ask me having a mental health problem does not automatically mean you deserve sympathy or that you’re a nice person. Especially if he’s a man.

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-08-08T15:53:13+00:00

So should she have insisted on going Dutch or let him pay in this instance?

Omnster67 · 2021-08-08T15:57:16+00:00

The comments on this post really frustrated me! I would hate to be asked to complain on someone else's behalf at a restaurant whether I was with friends, family, or a date, unless I was dining with children.

I get anxious in restaurants sometimes, but the way I see it, either you screw up the courage to say something to the waiter, or you don't and live with the consequences.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-08-08T22:47:05+00:00

I feel like this sort of accommodation is something that can be negotiated when a relationship is established, but wow: I’d see red flags if this came up on a first date!

pickadaisy · 2021-08-09T02:59:21+00:00

Such a queen! I hope she finds her fan base (us)!

Prestigious_Use1216 · 2021-08-09T00:57:01+00:00

There was a comedian who told jokes about how his wife would send back his food for him and he loved it. They're divorced now.

Title	This queen! 👏
Author	berrylikeova
Upvotes	324
Comments	42
Date	August 8, 2021 2:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p0foz3/this_queen/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-queen.850055 https://theredarchive.com/post/850055

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