I was inspired to write this post by so many women I know praising the men in their lives for bare minimum treatment. One example I saw today was a woman thanking her husband profusely for helping her after surgery. That’s in your literal wedding vows. You shouldn’t need to beg for that.

I consider my bf HVM, and this week I’ve been both stressed by a big presentation coming up at work that has caused a lot of drama and by being ill. Here’s how he has reacted:

BARE MINIMUM

-Listens to me vent

-Assists with active illness

-Does chores at home/does cooking

This is not prize winning behavior, this is the expectation of a loving partner. While my partner does these things, this is not particularly special.

HVM BEHAVIOR

-On Friday, a particularly stressed day, I came home to fresh flowers propped in the doorway for me.

-This weekend he took me to a nice Saturday dinner out (not a casual place) with entertainment afterwards.

-On Sunday he took me to a casual place we both like for brunch, then upgraded it by taking me to a cocktail experience and fancy Easter afternoon party. I had talked about going to the event for days and he secured tickets as a surprise.

-I was talking to someone out of obligation at the party, but he could tell I wasn’t feeling well. He firmly entered the conversation and got me out of there.

-I was feeling especially poorly on the way home but running out of gas. He jumped out to pump it for me, insisting.

-I saw a recipe on Pinterest we were both talking about offhandedly - just something you see scrolling. I texted him later asking if I should pick up dinner and he said nah, he’s got it. Turns out, he had snuck out to the store to make me my Pinterest food as a surprise.

To me, these gestures designed to make me especially happy are what gives the HVM label, not simply being around or accomplishing the basics of being a competent partner. So ladies, where do you see HVM versus bare minimum behavior with the men in your life?