What will you not do until engaged or married?

heleninthealps · 2020-09-10T06:22:33+00:00

Great list!

I'm adding not getting pregnant/having a baby before being legally married.

It's a baby, not a Pokemon. I'm not going to be part of a man using me as a babymachine together with 2-3 other women somewhere until he finds his dreamgirl, marries her and says "No baby, If you don't want kids that's fine, I already have 4 with my ex girlfriends, we can just go travel the world and sleep in on sundays"

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-09-10T10:32:17+00:00

No unprotected sex until vasectomy imo.

xYennefer · 2020-09-10T07:02:57+00:00

My list:

No sex until engagement/marriage (whichever one depending on my mood, trust, etc)
No living together until marriage
No kids until marriage
No giving him money... ever... lmao
No major sacrifices until a few years after marriage
No cooking for him unless he cooks for me an equal amount before marriage

It’s pretty short, as this is my first actual relationship.

ilostitireallylostit · 2020-09-10T15:09:17+00:00

I’m going to try NOT living with the guy, or sleeping over multiple nights if at all. It’ll be hard AF. But I need better results Lol

Sisi21cent · 2020-09-10T18:12:38+00:00

Sex (I’m a non religious virgin)

Definitely not moving in together.

liarliarpantsonfirex · 2020-09-10T17:43:29+00:00

no sex (any type; oral, anal, vaginal, digital) until the marriage papers are signed, there’s a house to my name and a ring on my finger... no 50/50 shit.
no sleeping over at his place, hotels, my place, etc (or anything that could potentially lead to sex, don’t ever wanna lose the upper hand)
no living together
I’m not cleaning anything of his by default because I won’t live with him until we’re married
I’m not paying for him ever, whether I’m married to him or not lol, that’s just humiliating

Shokkolatte · 2020-09-10T16:46:31+00:00

Literally everything you listed. Good for you. The amount of free labour I see some girlfriends giving is insane.

MerleErEnPerle · 2020-09-10T07:39:21+00:00

Marriage has a less important cultural and legal meaning where I'm from. But for me it's the other way around: I won't marry someone that I don't feel comfortable doing all the above with. I won't say yes and invite all my friends and family to see me walk down the church floor unless I feel comfortable with all the above and is sure he's good company.

GAaliyah12 · 2020-09-10T13:21:36+00:00

Same with added:

-No discussing finances

-No non-paid vacations together

2020-09-10T12:47:30+00:00

They aren’t meeting my kids until late in the engagement.

They aren’t sleeping at my house until they meet the kids.

I’m not selling my house ever just because of the extra renting income and so I have a place to go if I need to abandon ship.

I do not sleep at their house until marriage and we buy a house together with my name on it.

ScallionOk958 · 2020-09-10T09:23:44+00:00

I’m interested, why no long vacations?

blueveinnoble · 2020-09-10T12:52:17+00:00

For me:

No cooking/cleaning (ever, I hire people for that)
No emotional support (I am not your therapist/momma)
No gifts (for bdays and holidays = acknowledgement + greeting)
No "wild/kinky" sex ( IF we are sexually active during courtship, then he gets pure "vanilla" sex)
No living together
No family introductions/ gatherings
No children, pets, or anything that requires legal division
No shared assets/ investments
No discussions of my personal history/trauma (ever)

I'm an older HVW, former Pickme Majorette. So my list now is super strict. All of what I posted as no-nos come from former "yes".

TBH, the man I marry will be more like a business partner than a romantic interest (the original purpose of a marriage contract) So I approach "dating" through a purely strategic lens.

Silverpool2018 · 2020-09-10T14:01:22+00:00

Love that list.

Definitely I'd not do wife-y stuff like cook for him or clean around him. I'll not bring that to the table at all until I know for sure that he can handle himself on his own and bear responsibility of the house alongside me.

And no, it doesn't mean taking my instructions, it means stepping up and taking mental responsibility for chores around the house and doing them without being asked.

Mama's boys are fucking worst.

feminologie_ · 2020-09-10T16:40:49+00:00

I agree with most of what you said, in addition to

no emotional support
no rearranging my life around him
no telling him about my past traumas
no combination of finances, ever.

Title	What will you not do until engaged or married?
Author	chasingconfidence
Upvotes	124
Comments	39
Date	September 10, 2020 3:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipvvqr/what_will_you_not_do_until_engaged_or_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-will-you-not-do-until-engaged-or-married.214883 https://theredarchive.com/post/214883

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