Why Are They Non-committal?

Skittleschild02 · 2020-02-10T04:27:45+00:00

Because we’re allowing it. A lot of girls will get in agreements with men because we’re afraid to be alone. Instead of being honest with ourselves, we’ll play along and hope he’ll change his ways.

ldid · 2020-02-10T04:51:25+00:00

The ones that get me are the 38+ who "want kids someday" and "looking for something casual"... Ummm I think you better grow up and make some actual decisions dude.

lasolterita · 2020-02-10T04:46:27+00:00

Because patriarchy told men THEY are the prize. It told us all that for women, marriage is the end-all-be-all. That women want to be cared for and are desperate to 'trap' a man whose 'natural instinct' is to pump & dump.

modernmedusaa · 2020-02-10T04:24:06+00:00

[deleted]

Hi_Panda · 2020-02-10T04:51:42+00:00

Men know that being in a relationship is work so they are picky who they commit to whereas women don't realize that it is but we are conditioned to give it freely(i.e always be a nice girl) and expecting the same in return. that's obvs not how it works.

ivy176 · 2020-02-10T09:07:02+00:00

Because they're just confused individuals looking for a spark of (physical) intimacy but too emotionally inept and immature to want a real connection. OLD attracts more of those than anywhere else. OLD is mens' platform to say "I dunno wut I'm doin but please have sex with me because I dunno what else to do and a tiny part of me wants a woman in my life"

SarcasmSlide · 2020-02-10T04:23:36+00:00

Great, so you don't want to be bored by your free prostitute.

Yep.

si_vis_amari__ama · 2020-02-10T11:06:06+00:00

Even as far as FWB's go, that's a very unattractive profile.

I had an FWB once with a man, who still courted and fine dined me, had intelligent conversation, took care of me when I was sick, handled some chores for me. His profile was a list of interests, and an honest disclaimer he was going to move out of town. At that moment I was open to an FWB. First time we had sex, he stopped in my doorstep and asked for permission to enter my bedroom. He sought explicit consent for everything. Even though that might be excessive its prefered to all this entitlement. Mature adults don't need a disclaimer about no drama. We laid down the boundaries and expectations ahead of time in a respectful and open conversation, and it was just smooth sailing from there on.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-02-10T14:09:01+00:00

Because relationships take effort, communication, and consistency. They don't want to provide any of these things. They just want sex on their terms.

Gremmy29 · 2020-02-10T05:14:49+00:00

Oooooof. This hit home.

rayvin4000 · 2020-02-10T11:44:14+00:00

Because we are letting it happen. We aren't on this sub hopefully, but our fellow women who don't get it are.

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-02-10T13:56:03+00:00

I can understand it. I'm a woman and I just don't want a relationship. Honestly I've had great guys who would have loved to be in a relationship. But I don't want one. I don't want another person having a say in my life. I don't want to have to answer to anyone. I don't want to ask "where is this going?"

Being in a long term committed relationship just doesn't appeal.

2020-02-10T15:45:27+00:00

Seems like men are always on the lookout for someone they think is better. I don't think they'll ever find that person because the problem is in themselves.. They need to fix themselves first.

pissed_af · 2020-02-10T15:19:56+00:00

When I was single I didn't like OLD, to many men it's a free sex catalog and will assume that's what you're there for. I made a profile and kept it for like 2 days because of this

karsteniana · 2020-02-10T14:36:23+00:00

So I've been trying to find research on this very topic and came across this article from 2013 in The Atlantic.

The main person interviewed is an LVM named Jacob and wow it was...enlightening, in a way that also made me want to barf: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/a-million-first-dates/309195/

steingrrrl · 2020-02-10T21:01:12+00:00

I think theres a few reasons

men are told from a young age its normal, natural, and good to be a 'ladies man' or a 'heartbreaker' and 'play the field'
especially with OLD, theyre under the impression that they have endless options, and they want to constantly shop around and constantly 'upgrade'
combined with 1 and 2, men are told that women are all dying to settle down and get married to whoever proposes, so they can 'play the field' until theyre bored, and then once they finally decide to settle down, there will be an abundance of women desperate for them

lilitha134 · 2020-02-10T23:53:01+00:00

Why? Because they can. Because society doesn't put the same pressure on them as it does on women. They are not bombarded by messages of how if they are not married by 30, they will be alone forever. They aren't taught since childhood that their mission in life is to "catch" a "good" woman. "Success" to men is portrayed as sleeping with a lot of different hot models, not settling down with "someone who loves you for you". They aren't raised to see relationships and girls as the centers of their lives. They are taught they are the main heroes, the "dominant" sex, they have all the power, while women play a supporting role - a nurturer or a "fun activity" - and you can pick girls like you pick candy - today they want a blonde, tomorrow they want to try an Asian, an older woman, a skinny chick, a teen, etc..

Imagine being raised like that, thinking that eventually you will get the perfect girl for you, just because you are born as one gender and not the other. And in the mean time, why risk drama and feelings and hurt when you can just treat sex as a numbers game and have a new girl in your bed every month/week/day.

For men relationships = drama. In the meantime, women have been brainwashed that having a relationship is the only purpose in their life. Both are wrong in my opinion.

2020-02-10T09:09:45+00:00

I think they think if they speak it into existence, hookup culture can be real for them. If they tell a hundred women they are looking for something casual, one might go for it, which is a huge win in his book. He doesn't care about love. He probably doesn't know what a loving, fun, healthy happy relationship with a woman looks like and he sure won't know how to handle any emotions or accountability or boundaries other than "fun fun sexy time".

It's not about getting him to want commitment, it's about finding a guy who already sees the value in relationships or a guy who sees you and thinks "wow. That's someone special. I want to date her". If he doesn't, he just doesn't like you or he's still in his "I want to have casual sex with many women" phase that he thinks he needs to prove himself as a man. Don't fall into the trap of "helping him see how good a relationship could be". It's a waste of time. He just wants sex. Move on

PS My ex didn't want me either and it was some combination of his inability to handle attachment and honesty and porn sickness. They just want sex. Or they aren't that into you.

My ex was serial cheater in all his relationships and besides being closeted bisexual, he was unable to form a healthy attachment to ANY woman. He thinks women =drama because anyone with anything to say including having boundaries is drama. With casual, he can say "its just casual. You aren't my gf. Chill out" when you say "hey I didn't appreciate you blowing me off" or "I'd like to spend more time with you". Again, it's just sex and it's even worse because he wants as little to do with you as possible- none of your pesky emotions, no going on dates (why date when you have a perfectly good couch?), No communication frequency expectations, no accountability.

He's immature.

Title	Why Are They Non-committal?
Author	heavenlycaterpiller
Upvotes	167
Comments	35
Date	February 10, 2020 4:03 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f1krf5/why_are_they_noncommittal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-are-they-non-committal.682936 https://theredarchive.com/post/682936

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