I have been reading Married Redpill and TRP for the past year, and have read NMMNG and Rational Male. I found MRP and NMMNG because I felt like my marriage was slipping (I thought, for the first time in my life, gee, my wife is becoming a bitch) and I wanted to fix it.

I always thought of myself as alpha (I wouldn't have called it alpha, I would have said I was confident). My wife and I are both Christians, and as I went through MRP and some of the sidebar materials, I thought to myself, gee, I am so glad I did so many things right...

For me, that means that I got married early (we were both 24, now we are 37) and had kids early, my wife was pretty attractive (very attractive when we married) and I made enough money starting at an early age that she became a stay at home wife. As I read more about carousel riders, women pressuring men to get married as they hit the wall, etc., I thought, good job me, you got married early to a hot girl who had a low F count (she claims she only had sex with one guy, prior to becoming a Christian in high school... I always figured maybe that meant in reality 3 or 4, but figured that's still pretty low).

I also figured that we had a decent sex life because I could have sex (mostly) whenever I wanted, unless she had just had a kid or something (we have 5.... that's right, 5....), but two things I have read recently have me questioning my view of myself.

FIRST, I have read A LOT of things recently talking about the tingles, getting 'em wet, and making them have shaking, goo-dripping orgasms. Well, she gets wet, sometimes she gushes like a river, but she has never ... not once... had an orgasm with me. It's actually something we eventually talked about, after I brought it up a few years into our marriage. She gets into sex, initiates sometimes, and gets excited when I am playing with her cooch, but she has never - not once - had an orgasm with me. She has said, basically, that she doesn't think she's capable of having an orgasm, and has never had one.

SECOND, I have read a bunch about blow jobs - and how they are a bit of a measure on how a woman sees you. Well, you guessed it, she's never given me a blow job. Ever. She'll lick a couple of times, but even when I stick my dick in her face and pull her head towards me, she does a lick, lick and then presents like she's ready to be fucked. She once hinted that she found blowjobs "demeaning."

Fellas, I think I am getting the hint here - I thought all along that I was this alpha guy who married a hot faith-filled girl early but that, sadly, she's not capable of having an orgasm and isn't into things I am into (like giving me a blowjob or even getting fucked doggy style - yet another thing she finds "demeaning.") But now, I think it means I am really a beta bux, but one who happened to luck out and marry an 8/9 early, when she was in her prime.

Am I right? Does no BJs + no orgasms = no alpha?

Ugh.