Sheesh...

SteelSharpensSteel · 2019-03-22T01:38:00+00:00

Johney, Johney, what are you trying to run away from?

So you're close to getting that scan to tell you you're cured. You've been walking through hell and you kept on going. Beat that disease despite the odds. Hell yeah.

And you wonder why you're not happy?

Happiness isn't a "goal". Oh sure, people say all the time "I want to be happy" and all that warm fuzzy sunshine stuff, but I have seen too many people keep chasing happiness. And you know what? They are perpetually unhappy. Taking bigger and bigger risks just to feel the adrenaline, to feel alive again. Another example is a super saver who doesn't spend a nickel to do anything fun... sure, you might have millions in the bank, but did you do anything worthwhile.

I chuckle a bit at all the guys in the OYS threads who are like "My goal is to become happy." Yeah, and then what. To quote Forrest Gump: "Shit happens." You will be challenged by life's problems over and over again. And if you don't believe me, just read the OYS threads.

Happiness is the wrong response here. So is the expectation of happiness. The real question is, what brings meaning to your life. Go do that. Be the captain of your soul.

You just overcame some serious shit. It would not be out of order to go out by yourself and reflect with a double of a good whisky. You beat that goal, and it was a good goal to beat - your life was on the line. Now get another one. One with meaning.

And for the record, you know what makes me happy? Tableside guacamole and happy hour margaritas with Mexican food with my family. And I can do that whenever I want, at least until I get sick of Mexican food. I have bigger fish to fry besides happiness.

SorcererKing · 2019-03-22T03:20:11+00:00

This is what real PTSD is, not some millenial douche who's "literally shaking rn." It's all about the other shoe. You know it's out there, you can't see it or touch it, but you know. And one day it will drop. It will be too soon, it will be painful, it will be final. And every day from now on you'll be looking for it to drop, secretly paranoid about it dropping every time you need to see a doctor for even the most trivial reason.

Except here's the thing: it's always been that way, for all of us. You just had that shit made real is all, and for most of the rest of us, death is something that happens to other people.

weakandsensitive · 2019-03-22T02:56:48+00:00

I know the answer.

Happiness is a choice. Make the choice to be happy. And stop dwelling so goddamn much. Be the ignoramus.

The only time the blue pill husband stops being happy is when he becomes aware of how fucked he is. Up until that very moment, he's blissfully ignorant. I will make the choice to be blissfully ignorant each and every day if that's what it takes to be happy.

Also - wtf, this belongs on askMRP.

red-sfpplus · 2019-03-22T00:37:31+00:00

Why are you not happy?

No one likes to be reminded that we all have a built in expiration date. A finite amount of time in this life.

No one more so, than a high value man with the world at his fingertips.

Iseeitnow7 · 2019-03-22T02:23:52+00:00

Disclaimer: I'm one of the newest guys here. You've been on a journey. I too have been on an insane and highly improbable journey and come out the other side. I don't know anything about you, other than your flair and a vague idea that you've been through some medical shit.

My takeaways from my own situation that might apply to you? Maybe there was never a reason. Sure, maybe there was a cause like genetics or environmental factors, whatever but maybe it happening to you instead of some miserable fuck in Milwaukee or Shanghai was totally and completely random. The good news? You had the frame, balls, fortitude and luck to make it to this point. Lesser men may not have made it to this point. Your family and the people you care about are better off that you made it this far.

Why am I not happy?

Because you've been consumed by surviving and are deafened by the sucking sound of the vacuum of trying to stay alive leaving your life? Recap: You're alive. You're also allowed to take some time to reevaluate your existence on this rock. Do so with or without the input of trusted companions. This might not be the time for happiness? Maybe this is the time to just be.

What is missing?

Seems like the most RP question ever asked. Once you make peace with being alive and it not being what you expected, maybe you'll be ready to evaluate this. Might not come to you right away. I'm new, but I feel like this is where some "Mental Point of Origin" Yoda level wisdom should be dropped. Sorry friend. You probably know what belongs here better than me.

What is happening?

You're alive motherfucker.

Why don't I feel like I've climbed a mountain? Why don't I feel like I've won a war?

I've never climbed a mountain because I live in a very flat location, but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn and I have also won/survived a war. That bullshit idea of feeling like a hero is for TV and Movies. Guess what happened when I got back? My ass had to go to work on Monday just like all the swinging dicks on this planet not belonging to the 1%. Welcome, brother.

Again, I don't know you from Adam and I'm not trying to be a dick, but I feel some parallels to my own experiences. Can't stress this enough. OK. You're here. I know a few guys that aren't here anymore for various reasons. Now what? What do you want to do about it?

Godspeed Mr. Cockslaps death, etc.

Edit: removed some unecessarily confrontational shit.

Aechzen · 2019-03-22T03:06:26+00:00

Why am I not happy?

No clue. I'm an easy guy when it comes to happiness.

Putting my dick in women makes me happy.

A sunny day, out for a long run makes me happy.

Physical exertion to the point of exhaustion makes me happy.

A buttery, capers-on-top, chicken piccata paired with a chilled white wine makes me happy.

Hopefully you have stuff like that in your life. If I was you, the happiest thing would be seeing way the fuck less of the inside of a hospital, which has to be one of the worst places to be forced to spend time.

Congratulations, bro.

donmcde · 2019-03-22T12:31:40+00:00

Sisyphus was said to be punished by eternally rolling a rock up a hill. You're realizing why some people say that he should be envied rahter than pitied.

Men are only happy when they're pursuing a worthwhile and sufficiently difficult goal (by their own standards). When the goal you've been pursuing single-mindedly gets taken away from you - either from quitting, reassignment, or 'success'. It leaves you feeling empty. The elation from overcoming is always short lived. The real joy was in the grind, although we don't see it as joy during the grind. It's only after 'success' do we realize how much more fulfilled we were during the grind.

Find a new rock, load it on your shoulders and start pushing that motherfucker up a mountain. The steeper and taller the mounter, the better.

RuleZeroDAD · 2019-03-22T03:14:10+00:00

You thought you were done.

Now in two different ways.

Now you need a new identity. You're not the sick guy anymore. You can't use that as motivation or an excuse. Death holds no destination, and life will (if you let it) become mundane.

Let the time pass. Treat your vitality with reverence.

Men of high value will face new challenges. They seem to seek them out, as solutions are always led to problems.

Amazingly, your wife will test your fitness and competency as soon as she hears "All Clear." Your healthy self will be the new norm. The raised survivor bar becomes the basement. Hence the burden of performance and the foot on the gas to the floor.

It's never over, it's just...different.

tspitsatgp · 2019-03-22T03:15:09+00:00

Alright. Here’s a slightly different take champ.

What makes you think you are a special snowflake? You survived the impossible, congratulations, big fucking deal.

I bet you got yourself through the dark times by imagining how much joy and thankfulness you would feel if you could be cured. To be given another chance. You wanted to survive so fucking badly. But they kept on telling you no. And you wished harder and worked even harder. Just one more chance please. And things just kept getting worse. And then for some fucking reason you got better. And you kept getting better until the point where you are fairly certain you will survive. And now you are like I survived, why am I not elated?

Because motherfucker this was not a roller coaster ride, this wasn’t jumping from a plane, or a quick close encounter with death. There’s no adrenaline here. You survived a long drawn out battle which has no doubt mentally taxed you beyond what you realise. That’s all.

It’s a big fucking deal though, I am happy for you internet stranger. I hope my brother is as fortunate.

FereallyRed · 2019-03-22T14:21:33+00:00

You don't feel like you climbed a mountain because you didn't.

You were thrown down into a valley.

You dragged your ass out of that valley, but that only means you ended back where you were, where most of us live.

You came back to baseline.

Sure, it was tough for you to drag your ass up those steep gullies, but at the top, well, I'll let Alex Honnold describe it better that I ever could. The whole talk is well worth a listen, btw.

Your mission doesn't have to be grand.

Take a breath. Sniff some fucking roses. Appreciate the mundane.

Figure out what you like and let the fact you like it be enough.

There are billions of us. We all think we're speeshul sneauxflakes that'll change the world.

Nothing wrong with having a goal because it's your goal, despite it's lack of external significance.

I.E. - today my goal is going to [local park] and simply sitting quietly in the sunshine for an hour.

You're looking big picture because your life has been big picture stuff, just to get you back to a baseline most of us take for granted.

hack3ge · 2019-03-23T16:31:04+00:00

Here, take a cookie. I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain.

framelessglasses · 2019-03-22T01:43:27+00:00

I faced this some years ago. I died then came back to years of rehab. Surviving the unsurvivable is hard to surpass. The void, the lull afterwards was when I had to have a mission completely defined. Best luck, the hard part comes now. Feeling happy is the least of your problems now.

justpickanyusername · 2019-03-22T03:19:11+00:00

You’ve climbed Mt Everest. You’ve been higher than most anyone else and lived to tell the tale. Everest is certainly an amazing feat, but there is a whole wide world below it that has some amazing adventures in it as well. Everest is just a part of the journey and not the destination.

itiswr1tten · 2019-03-22T13:40:23+00:00

From your second post ever:

(Hmm, just noticed that rare smiling is a recurring theme with me. I wonder fucking why.)

Every time I tell my son we are going somewhere he asks "where are we going?" I always give him the same reply: you'll know when we get there, you don't always need to figure it out before then.

Have you considered you might be intentionally failing to follow your own advice? Just because you're cured physically doesn't mean the journey is over. I don't mean in the remission sense - you're not happy because you're trying to "figure it out before you've gotten there."

One of the recurring MRP pitfalls is the imaginary finish line. "Once I'm hot and jacked, everything is fixed and I can relax again." "When I'm getting fucked regularly again, mission complete." The rebuke from the crowd is always, "you're not done idiot. Shit tests don't stop. Effort isn't optional. Frame is an active and permanent effort."

While it's objectively more significant than getting your wife to fuck you, have you considered being physically cured of cancer is your imaginary finish line? Perhaps there is an existential, emotional aspect of this journey still remaining.

The circular challenge we face as men is achieving a goal means we just have to come up with another one. Else, we stagnate or get depressed and fucked up. The craziest success has an equal and opposite "well fuck, what do I do now?" gully at the end of it.

RStonePT · 2019-03-22T15:29:15+00:00

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hystericalbonding · 2019-03-22T01:22:14+00:00

It's a pretty common sentiment in this situation. It will take a while before you can think straight.

Congratulations. Hope you will make a good life.

Feliponius · 2019-03-22T05:00:46+00:00

Friend, read Ecclesiastes.

If you want help understanding it hit me up. 1-3 of Ecclesiastes is a minimum.

I recommend reading it in the ESV.

lab_of_the_sea_2021 · 2019-03-22T02:31:04+00:00

Because you haven’t realized that you get to start at square one all over. You want to live your life the way it’s been before the incident and you can’t do that, you have to do more because now you can do more

johneyapocalypse · 2019-03-22T03:01:16+00:00

You’re not happy I would suspect, because like most of us, your probably a goal oriented person. You’ve climbed the mountain, and now you’re looking around for what’s next. Now, I don’t think that having goals or aspirations is in any way negative, but type a goal to goal living is not a lifestyle conducive to “happiness,” as there are not “big victories,” only milestones on an endless journey somewhere.

I don’t think that seeking “happiness,” is good for us. Denis Leary has a good bit on it, “you smoke the cigarette, eat the cookie or bust the nut and then it’s gone.”

I’m not sure happiness can be had on a permanent basis, I feel we are better of with the goal of simply being content, and A life that makes us content (for the right reasons, not content to have a shit life,) you’ll fine plenty of moments of happiness along the way.

But what the fuck do I know.

Congratulations.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2019-03-22T04:24:22+00:00

Fuck happiness and fuck your feelings.

Set goals. Achieve goals. Find new goals that motivate you. Find enjoyment in the journey of learning these new skills. Find that strange balance between striving and contentment. Keep moving forward.

That's a discipline which recognizes that there are peaks and valleys.

But happiness as the modern concept runs? That's a relatively new concept and it's bullshit. It's a McDonalds Happy Meal. It has no real substance.

So fuck it. Acquire goals which are meaningful to you if for no other reason than that you decide they are meaningful. Defeat goals. Repeat.

That will make you content.

RPeed · 2019-03-22T05:31:41+00:00

Lots of stuff on the human condition bro. But maybe you just need to wait two weeks for the word.

Easy (and good) for everyone around you to be prematurely celebrating. They have someone to support.

But I know I would need the piece of paper.

OkStretch · 2019-03-22T09:52:02+00:00

Get off your high horse bro.

SBIII · 2019-03-22T13:18:27+00:00

Roy Keane was arguably the best ever football player to come from Ireland. He spent 12 years at top level football (or soccer as you yanks call it), playing for Manchester United. He was a powerhouse of a sportsman - driven, determined, ambituous and ruthless. Everything he did was geared towards winning - he wanted to win league trophies, domestic cup trophies, European trophies - and he did everything in his powers to get them.

You might think that by playing for Manchester United, that these things would be within easy reach, but that wasn't the case. Prior to Alex Ferguson taking over as manager at United in 1986 - the club hadn't won the league since 1967. When Ferguson arrived, the club was in a shambles. They had some decent players, but most of them were underperforming and half of them were alcoholics. It took him 6 years and a major overhaul of personell to change their fortunes and one of the driving factors behind the success of the club under Ferguson was Roy Keane.

During the 1998/99 season, United were on the biggest roll they had ever been on - they were competing in 3 major competitions and looking unstoppable in all three, heading towards a previously unprecedented Treble. They had a "never say die" attitude that won them the League and the FA Cup.

But when it came to the Champions League semi-final against Juventus, it seemed like the ball was about to be stopped from rolling any futher. They had drawn the first (home) leg of the tie 1-1. Things were looking ominous when they travelled to Italy for the second leg and went from bad to worse when Juventus scored twice within the first 15 minutes. United were down 3-1 on aggregate and looked defeated.

Defeated except for one man - Roy Keane. Roy fucking Keane, driven, determined, ambituous and ruthless - powered through the Italian defence and scored. 3-2 on aggregate. The team watched their captain drag them out of a hole and followed his lead. They scored another two goals and the match finished 3-4 on aggregate, with United progressing to the finals.

During the semi finals, Keane picked up a booking which meant he wouldn't be able to play in the final. The fucker did everything in his power to get them to the final, even taking one for the team and missing the biggest event in the history of the club.

United went on to win the final, beating Bayern Munich with two goals scored in extra time. An incredible win, an incredible season, and an unprecendented Treble of trophies in the bag.

After the match, the players - including Keane - got their medals and celbrated in front of the fans. Most of the players - I'm sure - celebrated for weeks afterwards, basking in the glory.

Not Roy, though. In an interview shortly after the season had finished, he was asked how he felt when they had own the final. He was non-plussed about the whole thing - glad they had won the titles, but he said he that he wasn't overjoyed or happy about the whole thing... his only real thoughts were, "OK, that's done now... so what next?"

If you are driven, if you are determined, if you are ambitious, if you have goals, if you have a mission, it is never ending - sure you can take time to celebrate achievements, but the next thing on your mind will be the next goal, the next achievement, the next destination because for sure - when you achieve that goal and arrive at that destination, there will always be a moment of deflation as you realise - "OK, that's done now... so what next?"

BostonBrakeJob · 2019-03-22T16:56:17+00:00

We ask ourselves "what do I want?" We answer that, then set out to get it. The chase is exciting. The work is rewarding. And when we finally reach our goal we often times wonder "where's the dopamine??"

So what gives at the endgame and the downtime to the next chase?

You know what to do brotha. You're just in limbo. The in-between. Look at the in-between as just another part of the process. The world's your playground, and you got some downtime til the next goal is set. Go play.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2019-03-23T18:36:55+00:00

I'm a little different than the average dude who stumbles upon here. I have so, so much belief in my ability to beat anything, and I have proven it, and I have done it time and time again, and I then ran across the ultimate 'anything' and I actually beat that too, and so that's the ultimate fucking craziness, and that's insane…. and then… this... void....

Why am I not happy? What is missing? What is happening? Why don't I feel like I've climbed a mountain? Why don't I feel like I've won a war?

Ok, I can totally relate to this. I have a terrible time stopping and celebrating my successes. I'm always like "that was yesterday, who cares?" You have been under stress for a long time, even if you are a stoic, it's still there. Your adrenaline has been running on high, dealing with shit, day to day, jumping through hoops, getting shit done.

Now it's done. Now what?

Sit down, assess everything that has gone on. If you need to go melt down privately, do it, it's time. Then celebrate, take a weekend or something. Go somewhere, do something. Then decide where to go from here and have at it. Nothing you can do is probably as high stress as what you have been through, so don't expect it to be.

Then, consider this: Being a stoic doesn't mean that you are Spock. It doesn't mean that everything is flatline calm with no emotion. It means that you don't let the bad stuff bother you. You can still be happy, you can still enjoy your life. But you have to choose to be happy. Nothing external will make you happy. It's your decision to make and the result comes from you.

Now I need to follow my own advice.

ReddJive · 2019-04-03T16:22:17+00:00

Being happy is a choice. Not because there's a reason to be. It's a very personal thing that has nothing to do with anyone or anything else.

Title	Sheesh...
Author	johneyapocalypse
Upvotes	25
Comments	79
Date	March 22, 2019 12:15 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b3y5my/sheesh/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/sheesh.222854 https://theredarchive.com/post/222854

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