Some doubts going into my MAP

BluepillProfessor · 2015-08-16T17:57:35+00:00

I've realized I'm already at least a couple of SMV points (if not more) above my wife.

Great! Does SHE realize it yet?

You need to work through the stages of Dread methodically. You also need to realize that this is TFB- typical female behavior. She got her fuck prize, and now her brain is telling her she doesn't need you. AWALT.

MMSLP's mention of the importance of sperm

You are reading it wrong (or nurse Athol- MPBUH) explained it wrong. Semen is about 1-3% of the volume of ejaculate and does not contain the hormones. Most of the volume is fluid that DOES contain the hormones whether their are swimmers present or not.

redpill-hardmode · 2015-08-16T15:17:17+00:00

Chances are its not the vasectomy that made sex dry up, its the new little cockblocker.

You know why they call them babies, right? Because calling them little cockblockers is impolite.

She has the baby, so she needs you less. It happened to me and it happens to all guys. Start with the dread.

Countpudyoola · 2015-08-16T16:19:12+00:00

High smv without use of dread is like having a Ferrari parked in the garage you never drive.

Sounds like she needs a reminder to shake her out of baby oxytocin daze.

Bpp's 12 levels.

ufd · 2015-08-16T16:28:31+00:00

As others have said, my first thought was to go through the levels of Dread.

The link is already in the comments.

She feels that everything is stable, she has her husband, her house, her stable husband's income, and now it's all complete with baby makes three; time to sit back and coast.

Shake that shit up with some dread and make her realize it can change in a heartbeat.

Dread plus MAP in IMHO the answer, and if it isn't, then, as Athol says, you're in a the best place to move on with someone new (paraphrasing).

turbosympathique · 2015-08-17T01:33:39+00:00

This vasectomy mumbo jumbo is sooooo silly.

With a vasectomy you can take her with a lot more spontaneity, You can actually enjoy fucking her during ovulation without having a cradle on top of your head.

Seriously I had my vasectomy 9 years ago and it was the best thing that happen to ours sex life.

irateMD · 2015-08-18T15:48:07+00:00

If you're worrying about whether your MAP is going to "work" on your wife then you are still far from achieving a mindset of outcome independence. OI is one of the most difficult issues once kids enter the picture, but you need to realize that kids do better with parents who are apart but civil than they do with parents who are together in an unhealthy relationship. Even if you are convinced that your marriage will work out in the end, you absolutely must be prepared for the possibility that she will not always be there. She could get hit by a bus tomorrow. You must be able to function as a complete person with a coherent plan, with or without her.

The MAP is intended to make your life better. You are entitled to your health and sanity. You are entitled to a relationship with your children. You are entitled to be a social creature. I can go on and on with aspects of the MAP that have absolutely nothing to do with your wife.

Another recurring theme in the Red Pill is stoicism. Quit worrying about the vasectomy. Seize control of your life, focusing on the things that are in your control. If it's a good partnership then she will gradually start to follow your lead. If it's not a good partnership then you should not be together.

Lastly, I want to echo what /u/BluepillProfessor said about the perception of SMV. Her behavior will be largely determined by her perception of SMV. Your confidence will be affected by your own perception of SMV. Your perceptions probably don't match. You cannot educate her on this by any means other than a MAP and some element of dread. Even then it may not affect her perception. Embrace OI and it won't matter.

Edit: wording. SwiftKey's autocorrect is apparently not one of things I can control.

stonepimpletilists · 2015-08-16T15:27:24+00:00

honestly, a little bit of dread will probably go a long way, if it's just a case of perceived SMV (and don't kid yourself, thats the only one that matters for your relationship)

As far as the snip. I've never been a fan of the pseudoscience aspects of TRP... too much armchair biology, and I'd put the vascectomy as really close to that line.

To be honest, a good mindset here is that you have a depreciating asset. she's attractive (to you) but hasn't maintaned, and getting older. She did father you a child, and theres a stable thing there, but it sounds like as far as being social, she's more of a hinderence than anything.

You can do better... Your MAP is fine, and you need to realize, even with this scant level of detail, that you are the prize. She should be thanking her lucky stars that she got what she got... she probably doesn't, but a little dread will sort that out.

And if she's too daft to know this? Mistress, divorce, nonmanogamy, there's tons of options, and you can be fine with all of them.

Either way, fuck her, she isn't a factor in why you want your MAP

alphabeta49 · 2015-08-17T17:08:00+00:00

She obviously isn't thinking about things this way and doesn't see any of this as a risk, or at least it certainly doesn't seem to make her any more attracted to me

That's your problem. She's locked down her perfect, handsome, fatherly, safe beta bucks. Understand this: you are her beta bucks.

You could be Brad Pitt married to a hb2 fat frump with warts, but if she percieves that she has your balls in any capacity, points don't matter. Others have said it, I'll echo: dread lets her know where you stand because of this very important term: social proof.

This means you need to up your game. By game I don't mean the things you've already mentioned (good dad, good provider, etc., but keep doing those things). I mean chatting it up with everyone, especially hot women. Because you're attractive enough to get away with it. Be a Charming Asshole. Let her see these things without blatantly showing her or asking for recognition.

you have to show her that the current points you have are actually valuable. No one has a better way of doing that than other women.

As far as the vasectomy goes, either accept it or get it reversed. Please do not bitch or moan about something that is done and done and in the past unless you're going to do something about it.

I don't have a v, but I will speak from experience and say that cockblockers did more for killing my sex life than any vasectomy would have.

Redneck001 · 2015-08-18T17:33:33+00:00

Your SMV is not higher than hers. You don't even lift.

When your SMV surpasses your wife's, she'll lose weight and get on her hands and knees to make sure your needs are met. And you'll be beating other women off of you with a stick.

SorcererKing · 2015-08-16T15:50:51+00:00

Yes, Dread is the answer. It makes the possibility of you leaving salient to her. Wakes her up and make her realize that just "being a good mom" isn't enough, that she needs to be a wife too.

Edit: fixed the damn autocorrect.

Gizmo-Duck · 2015-08-16T20:34:39+00:00

thanks for mentioning NMMNG! I read MMSLP and couldn't put it down. Everything made sense and I started practicing the principles before I finished, as I read them. They all worked. In my case, I saw instant results.

Once I finished I craved more, so I picked up NMMNG, and realized instantly that it wasn't for me. I always thought I was a nice guy, but the description in the book really didn't fit me. the beta as described in MMSLP hit my personality exactly.

Now I don't feel so bad for not being able to finish NMMNG!

jacktenofhearts · 2015-08-16T22:42:05+00:00

is somewhat of a social pariah

Out of curiosity -- elaborate on this?

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-08-17T01:16:50+00:00

If your SMV is higher than hers, then it's absolutely time to initiate dread.

The simple start is to openly flirt with women (who are attracted to you!) in front of your wife. She needs to see that you have options. If you're hitting on girls who aren't attracted to you, this will not have the intended effect. If you're not finding that women are attracted to you, then you need to keep working on your SMV.

It's important to not be too heavy handed about this. It's not about cheating, or setting yourself up to cheat. It's about showing that you have options and other girls find you attractive.

spexer · 2015-08-18T15:12:20+00:00

You are measuring how fit you should be, your SMV and everything around her. her frame.

One thing I gained from MRP was to become the leader in my family- and for myself. I challenge you to do the same. Become a great fit guy for you - not for anyone else (or just for more sex).

jcrpta · 2015-08-20T19:09:52+00:00

I've realized I'm already at least a couple of SMV points (if not more) above my wife.

Men are simple creatures. A reasonable body and a personality that doesn't leave us wanting to commit murder and we're ready to go down on one knee.

Women are much more complex. They want the whole package. They're prepared to make compromises - they pretty much have to - but if you want an example of the ideal man, you probably need to be looking at someone like David Beckham. Good looking, fit, stupidly high income, clearly happy with lots of kids.

I'm fit, reasonably attractive,

Be honest with yourself here. Judge yourself based on body fat measurements and a weighing scale, not your peers, because most Western countries are in the grips of an obesity epidemic.

fairly outgoing, a great dad, and hold an executive leadership position at work.

Okay - so one assumes you're a competent manager? You can spot problems at work and negotiate a way to resolution, even when there's a lot of stakeholders with different priorities? You can command respect from people who have no idea who you are, not just your reports who have no choice in the matter?

Are you the same at home?

Do other women openly flirt with you? Do you flirt with other women? (In front of your wife, this can be gold dust. Seriously, my wife's hamster has gone from 60-0 in two seconds flat when I've made a suggestive comment to a girl in front of her and the girl has responded positively).

In the end, I'm doing the MAP for me, not for her. But I'd like to go into this with my eyes open and not get my hopes too high if there's a good chance it's not going to go anywhere.

Many (most?) men who find RP have nothing to lose. We'll be staring divorce in the face within a year or two whichever way you cut it; in those circumstances, we'll try anything.

I cannot speak for others, but I have noticed an improvement. It is slow, it is hard graft and sometimes it feels like one step forward and three back. It has taken me 20 months to get this far (would have been a lot quicker but I was in denial about my weight for the first 11 months!); it will be at least another 6 months before I can honestly say we're out of the woods.

There are no quick fixes.

whinemoreplease · 2015-08-16T20:17:05+00:00

Lots of excuses and ego protection in this post.

Title	Some doubts going into my MAP
Author	tenjed
Upvotes	11
Comments	48
Date	August 16, 2015 2:59 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3h7dq3/some_doubts_going_into_my_map/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/some-doubts-going-into-my-map.201196 https://theredarchive.com/post/201196

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