Accepting when a man covers your date doesn’t make you a bad feminist. It just makes you a person with preferences, affected by the society, and don’t make you responsible for that society’s problems

zaraki93 · 2016-07-21T09:01:42+00:00

Doing something solely based on the fact that I am a female is great! (As long as it's in my favor)

Ultramegasaurus · 2016-07-21T09:49:27+00:00

Feminism - treating equality like a buffet since 1903!

fengpi · 2016-07-21T10:18:13+00:00

Nothing makes you a bad feminist cuz feminists be practically perfect in every way. Tra la la la!

blatantly anti-feminist idea that women are inherently weak and incapable.

No, it comes from the idea that women are more valuable and men have to work hard and spend money to deserve to be in their presence.

Who has to work harder to provide this chivalry for you, princess? While your job is just to sit and enjoy things while you subconsciously sell your vagina to the highest bidder?

Idiot.

Juan_Golt · 2016-07-21T15:26:07+00:00

I don't really care who pays for dates, but I do find it hilarious that the author managed to rationalize both of these views:

Accept a paid for date without judging herself as sexist.
Reserve the right to judge him as sexist for paying for a date.

16sapphireguys · 2016-07-21T11:57:52+00:00

Oh god. I swear I don't think I've ever read an Everyday-Feminism article which doesn't mention the fucking wage gap!

In addition, women make less money than men and therefore are often less likely to be able to finance their relationships themselves.

Maybe if you hadn't done a degree in Gender Studies then you'd be able to pay for your meal rather than relying on men to do it?

Aprilisse · 2016-07-21T16:04:39+00:00

"In addition, women make less money than men and therefore are often less likely to be able to finance their relationships themselves."

Sounds like you should be ensuring you only date someone of the same economic means as you then doesn't it? In the defense of gender equality at least. If you're going after a man who makes more money than you, that's a power imbalance and you don't want that.

Or if you can't afford something yourself, don't expect someone else to pay for it for you. If you wouldn't go to that fancy restaurant yourself to buy dinner, don't expect him to take you there. Why not insist on going some place cheaper so that you can always pay 50/50.

"I was financially abused by an ex-partner who expected me to pay for everything." Please, please can we make this a legal thing? Because if so, 99% of men can claim financial abuse at some point in their life against millions of women.

Tmomp · 2016-07-21T11:16:28+00:00

I've definitely struggled with the possibility that this makes me a bad feminist.

One might argue it makes you some kind of prostitute. Good or bad, I don't know.

ShitXChromosomes · 2016-07-21T14:45:51+00:00

See MRAs? You got it wrong! You thought feminism was all about how women are never responsible for anything negative in their lives, but this enterprising little lady shows us it's more nuanced than that, sometimes women aren't responsible for the good stuff they get in life either.

"I'll take this free dinner, and I want a real man who will treat me right and ultimately propose to me, and I'll divorce him if I'm not happy and I'll take half his stuff. Sorry! Society made me do it! Feminism!"

HotSauciness · 2016-07-21T14:23:15+00:00

I just had this conversation with a feminist last week about the fact that she's never asked a man out on a date. Where is this attitude when a man tells a woman to get back in the kitchen?

aussietoads · 2016-07-21T13:30:37+00:00

Man, that was one amazing mental gymnastics performance. I wonder if she does synchronous swimming for one ?

iamsorry88 · 2016-07-21T19:01:55+00:00

If you dont pay for your the date roughly half of the time, you are a bad feminist.

JebberJabber · 2016-07-21T19:09:59+00:00

What the hell kind of feminists have you guys been raising in the US? Over here women usually just split or alternate so far as I can tell, and that's not even feminists.

I'd laugh in the face of a feminist who admitted to "letting" a guy pay for her, because he "insisted".
Then I'd give her the full feminist / SJW lecture on how we are all blind to our own entitlement and privilege, and how patriarchy is transmitted and practised by women just as much as men, and about cleaning up your own back yard before criticising the neighbours.

It really pisses me off when feminists who have these analytical tools are selective or hypocritical about applying them to their own lives.

Jazzeki · 2016-07-21T19:15:57+00:00

sure.

and it doesn't make a me a bad feminist either if i want my wife barefoot pregnant and ignorant in the kitchen.

i just have preferences affected by society and i'm not responsible for the problems that made me this way.

i'm a good feminist who despite wanting to oppress women because it's not my fault.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2016-07-22T00:04:08+00:00

Not being held responsible for your decisions is feminism in a nutshell.

ThePigmanAgain · 2016-07-21T10:31:51+00:00

If i'm going to pay for a woman's company it's going to be an honest business transaction wherein i actually get what i pay for, if you know what i mean.

Boehemyth · 2016-07-22T02:06:15+00:00

Based on a lot of the comments here, I don't think this will be well received, but I don't think her point was necessarily one I disagree with. In fact I feel very similar to her from the other side of the situation. I think it's stupid that men are expected to pay for everything especially in today's society, and she clearly agrees with me there. I also often pay for my girlfriend when we go out, not because it's expected, she honestly really doesn't, but because it makes me feel good to do that for her. Like this blogger, I know this is a product of sexist societal norms, but who really cares as long as both of us are happy.

I will say, however, that there is a big difference between our situations. On one hand, she is clearly comfortable splitting the bill or allowing her date to pick it up. She admits she rarely offers to do the same, but I also think it's fairly clear that she doesn't have any problem doing so, it just doesn't ever really occur to her. On the other hand, I do struggle with letting my girlfriend pay for my end of our night out. It makes me feel embarrassed and that witnesses are viewing me as a deadbeat. Even though both myself and my girlfriend know that's not the case at all and I know that's all that should matter, it still bothers me. I think that's the real problem. Society doesn't shame women for not picking up the bill, but they do shame men.

Edit: I should clarify her rationalizations are clearly all over the place, and I don't agree with a lot of her supporting thoughts, but I still pretty much agree with what I take her actual point to be: I'm just going to be okay about what I like and dislike in my relationship and whatever feminism (or MRA or egalitarianism) says shouldn't affect that part of my life like that.

Mythandros · 2016-07-21T16:33:27+00:00

You can't be a "bad" feminist. Because feminism itself is bad. Another case of "buttered butter", just calling yourself a feminist makes you bad.

HiberniaSon · 2016-07-21T16:49:09+00:00

"I let him pay for the date -- am I a bad feminist?"

No, you're a greedy and selfish person with double standards... a hypocrite.

So, no you are not a bad feminist... you are the average feminist.

TheDude41 · 2016-07-22T02:49:58+00:00

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