how common are really devastating divorces for men?

LeanderGrant · 2023-01-15T04:38:16+00:00

What's hilarious is all the studies say that women recover much better than men after a divorce. And I'm just thinking, "yea, no shit"

They act like the man shouldn't be upset after his life is stolen from him, and that his wife is just as challenged after taking everything from her husband.

Our culture is so fucking weird.

mopemardermun · 2023-01-15T04:18:53+00:00

The suicide rate for men is 4x that of women.

The suicide rate for divorced men is 16x that of women.

I think that should tell you everything.

AirSailer · 2023-01-15T00:36:56+00:00

Married less than a decade before I filed. I lost roughly 60% of the wealth I worked to accumulate during my marriage, my wife was good at spending money and bad at making it. On top of that I have to pay almost 30% of my current income to my ex. She meanwhile didn't work for the last 1/4 of our marriage, works 8 hours per week, and yet has zero incentive to work more or she would lose money nor does the family court think she should work any more than she does. The court expects me to work at 100% which is a 60 hr week, she meanwhile only needs to work 20% of a full-time job. We share equal custody of our child.

My divorce was mentally devastating, I make enough to be able to save up for trips and hobby-type stuff... I've lost all faith in relationships. But I'm lucky, I know some guys that got it worse.

hendrixski · 2023-01-15T04:47:39+00:00

I'm still traumatized by mine.

Frequent_Question510 · 2023-01-14T23:57:48+00:00

Very common

Oxoperplexed · 2023-01-15T00:44:05+00:00

My first wasn’t too bad, we mediated, stayed out of court, she gave me 50/50 custody. I paid hella child support. Divorce still sucks.

2nd divorce, she got the house and other valuables worth over $100k

PhysicalCupcake9140 · 2023-01-15T07:34:38+00:00

I was a debt collector for about a year back in my early twenties.

Single males who were either recently divorced or out of a long term de-facto relationships where in my experience, the most over represented demographic in our books.

Obviously many divorcees don't fall into debt and plenty who did made poor financial choices but the disparity was galling.

gertrude_is · 2023-01-15T11:55:41+00:00

this is why I think it's easy to argue with yourself "should i stay or should I go" and why the argument is more difficult if kids are involved.

and it's why I will never marry (don't have kids). if something happens to a relationship, we can move on more easily.

my brother just got remarried and my SIL immediately started "we-ing" him. (we are doing this to the cabin, we are doing that, we bought this, etc). this is a second marriage for both, and they are 60. I suppose at that age divorce is less likely than death, but I think it's interesting because I'm sure she will be taken care of in the event of either, just like her mom was when she got divorced, remarried, and widowed.

it starts to make you question whether or not love is for love, or for money. when I'm with someone seriously, he knows it's for him, and for love.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-01-15T08:47:08+00:00

Almost always totally devastating. But still....I would say to the miserable men being controlled by narcissistic females....give her the house and the car. Give her everything if you have to. Just get out. Your sanity is worth more than the value of everything you've ever accumulated. When I divorced my second wife I was like I'd rather be broke, homeless and alone forever than spend another day being made to hate myself because of your poisonous words.

Giga_mad69 · 2023-01-15T20:21:26+00:00

That’s why I’m scared of love, women are evil in the heart

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-01-15T02:33:04+00:00

Not uncommon at all. If the wife stayed home not working, or only worked part time, then the husband gets shafted extra hard in divorce. So even if you make enough to support a family on one income, it's foolish to try for the traditional family with stay at home wife these days.

DrummerElectronic733 · 2023-01-15T10:14:37+00:00

I was married at 19 to a woman in her 30s. Partly because I was so trusting and naive we never signed a prenup. I’m still paying for it today and I’m in my 30s now.

equalRights111 · 2023-01-15T02:38:12+00:00

Not so common if you talk to feminists!

The latest reason I’ve been hearing is ‘men don’t ask for custody of their kids, so that’s why they don’t get custody as often’. Followed by studies showing that men get custody when they DO ask.

I’m not actually sure how to respond to the above, I have been researching but can’t find much info.

KentuckyTriedFlickin · 2023-01-15T01:24:23+00:00

They're not super common, but they're definitely not rare. I could say that they are more common amongst younger generations of married couples than those really old ones.

AspirationsOfFreedom · 2023-01-15T09:33:20+00:00

I was never married, but was really deeply in love with my gf of 5 years

And then when things were going better than ever, financially and mentally, she broke it off.

Now, we had agreements and signed contracts on how certian big items should be shared (cars, house, dog), and had agreed to calmly discuss things with the idea of fairness. "If it was flipped, would you be ok with said deal"

Well.... she took a giant amber herd on that agreement. She made it painfully drawn out, and was unwilling to give an inch for every meter she tried to take.

Me being in pain, suffering, and just wanted it to end, gave in too much except on a few points. And thusly, she financially gained alot from breaking up with me.

Its sadly very common for some people to be hyperfocused on resources when splitting, and women seems to do it more

ferrisxyzinger · 2023-01-15T10:08:38+00:00

I'd say it's the norm. My mother basically ruined my father and gaslighted us kids (3 boys) into believing he wasn't providing at all. Never understood how my dad got so bitter until I had my own children and realized what my mother took from him, he didn't want seperation and she proceeded anyways because of "2 bad years". I've been with my wife longer than my parents were married and we had plenty of hard times, never considered to traumatize my children like that because of our struggles in the relationship. I feel very sorry for all the dads and men in general that were " divorce raped" through the last 50 years. Sorry for the women as well because most of the times nothing good comes from it for any side.

SnooHabits7185 · 2023-01-15T12:40:10+00:00

I had one. Community watch, women's groups, the cops, children's aid, judges, the entire system sides with women.

aerial_coitus · 2023-01-15T05:11:30+00:00

Extremely common.

Henry_Blair · 2023-01-15T11:06:45+00:00

I believe that it's the minority of divorces, but the issue is that society pays attention to injustice regardless of how many individuals are affected (if only one woman is raped in a year no one will say "it's a small minority - no need to pay attention"), while in men's case, when they are negatively affected specifically by women, they are ignored as a matter of principle. It's the ignoring and the double standard compared to any other injustice in society that's crucial, rather than whether it's a minority or not. The question "is it the majority of cases" would never come up in any other circumstances - only whether injustice was done. Not when men are negatively affected by women. Justice stops there. This is the issue. It also means that unlike other injustices - if you are caught in this scenario you are as good as a rock trying to float in the middle of the ocean. Nothing and no one will help you.

Miserable_Yak_9955 · 2024-01-20T14:18:09+00:00

What I find most enraging? No one gives a fuck. The damage these evil women do is incalculable. They are strengthened by a gyno-centric court system and a society that encourages them to destroy families. The absolute WORST part? I watched my child suffer horribly, I was raped by our judicial system with no regard for her adultery or viciousness. At the end of the day after millions of dollars? No one, NO ONE cared about the man, the damage to children or society.

And the band played on……..

Nihi1986 · 2023-01-15T05:25:42+00:00

Emotionally? Very common. Economically, relatively uncommon, it's not the rarest thing but that's not your average divorce. Average divorce is 50/50 child custody and pretty much 50/50 everything, at least in my country.

Anih1list · 2023-01-15T08:50:29+00:00

Well losing belief in God isn’t a bad thing, but yeah everything else sucks

Handle-me-timber · 2023-01-17T20:22:39+00:00

I reckon roughly 40% of all marriages. Considering 50% divorce and 80% are initiated by women. I drop some that never had kids or got divorced fairly early in the relationship, and add some in for the men who file divorce after catching a cheater.

CryptographerMain792 · 2023-01-15T00:42:51+00:00

Men are killing their now ex wives. And its trending upward

MensRights-ModTeam · 2023-01-15T00:22:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Arudeawakenin · 2023-01-15T07:47:19+00:00

that sounds about right

coming2grips · 2023-01-15T09:45:38+00:00

Very

saito200 · 2023-01-15T21:25:59+00:00

I hope we heal from our criminal culture some day...

BetterOffCamping · 2023-01-15T22:18:20+00:00

This describes my situation fairly closely, except I have 50% custody. we finally sold the house I brought (because she wanted it) at an 80k loss, and I'll be paying child support until I'm 68. I have a great credit score, so I shuffled credit cards at 0% APR until I paid them off.

avtx · 2023-01-16T14:43:46+00:00

100% common in my case

Title	how common are really devastating divorces for men?
Author	Ultrafemtradcat
Upvotes	54
Comments	77
Date	January 14, 2023 11:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10c3kmc/how_common_are_really_devastating_divorces_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-common-are-really-devastating-divorces-for-men.1148301 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148301

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