Is marriage slavery?

SRSLovesGawker · 2016-03-01T16:20:29+00:00

A good marriage is a wonderful thing. A bad marriage is like hell on earth.

You've sadly been roped into the latter.

The extent to which your scenario is related to Men's rights is when marriages do go bad, Men are at a legal disadvantage in most western nations due to the long-lingering effects of things like the Tender Years doctrine and widespread bias of soft expectations w/r/t women's earning potential.

TL/DR - No, it's not slavery, you volunteered to get into a shit situation without awareness of how shit it is ahead of time. Spread the word.

TFCNU · 2016-03-01T16:07:29+00:00

More like indentured servitude. You entered into the contract under your own free will but that doesn't make it much more bearable. MGTOW exists for a reason.

melniav0 · 2016-03-01T16:25:43+00:00

Don't listen to these chumps. You had a reasonable expectation of fairness under the law when you got married. You didn't realize you ll get shafted. It is a problem with the system which does not treat men and women equally, not the regular guys who marry. Saying that you should have known, when these kind of things are never in the media and the topic is often taboo - is really retarded. I got lucky and never got married because I was kind of shy. Now at 33 I can appreciate the full freedom I have compared to guys who had all the babes and married them early. I didn't know this marrage BS myself when I was young , I just got lucky.

AtticusFrenchToast · 2016-03-01T14:37:39+00:00

No. Marriage, in your case, is a badly-negotiated contract that you entered into as an adult who is responsible for his own actions. You made a series of regrettable choices over the past 13 years. You did not have your agency stolen from you. The fact that you're even asking this makes me concerned about the extent to which MRAs are starting to turn into melodramatic whiners just like extreme feminists.

equiposeur · 2016-03-01T22:47:03+00:00

It sounds like nobody has actually filed for divorce, which is a good thing. You need to carefully consider a career downshift before any divorce proceedings occur--spaced by enough time that the job change is not an obvious part of a divorce scheme.

In speaking with my lawyer I discover that because I worked so hard during the marriage that I will be expected to work that hard after the marriage.

This is exactly right. The judge will evaluate your earning potential in figuring out the separation. If you are able to earn a lot, you will have to pay a lot. This often forces ex-husbands to remain in careers that they hate: they need to keep earning to pay their child support bills.

I still have all the power because I can always refuse to work but even that has consequences.

Probably not a viable option. Lot so guys go to jail for failure to pay child support. The penalties are extremely serious.

Calling your situation "slavery" is going too far, but these situations are certainly coercive.

PurpleViolettron · 2016-03-02T00:57:44+00:00

Not unless you're in a BDSM-style Master-slave relationship with your spouse.

orangorilla · 2016-03-01T13:38:43+00:00

Marriage is half the reason for MGTOW to exist. If you can get away with not getting married, I'd recommend that for any person of any gender.

Marriage is a partnership. No wait, it's grouping up with someone in school. Your grades are based on the sum of your work, but if you're teamed up with the asshole, you're going to get shafted, you'll need to carry both of your grades if you want a decent grade. The thing is, in marriage, even if you get out of seeing your classmate every day, your grades are still connected until he finds another chump to leech off of.

Thing is, a few people seem like great partners until you team up, then they show that they just really wanted was someone to make sure they passed the class while they smoked weed and wanked (is this what the lazy kids do nowadays).

Marriage itself isn't slavery, but it makes it a lot easier to enslave someone. Someone like you for example.

youhatetruth · 2016-03-01T15:55:36+00:00

Yes. The very fact of the way marriage and divorce are structured ensures you are a slave. Remember, she had a choice of whether to be a parent after the sex act and you DIDN"T. She forced you into all of it. Good luck.

McFeely_Smackup · 2016-03-01T18:51:27+00:00

I still have all the power because I can always refuse to work but even that has consequences. She is dependent on my cooperation and in many ways she has a tiger by the tail.

I don't mean to be insulting, but you sound very naive. I hope you're crafting your plans with the assistance of a lawyer who specializes in divorce for men.

You don't have much in the way of "power", all you have is opportunity to mitigate damages...and almost all of that evaporates as soon as she knows you're bailing out. the fact that she has 2 kids, no education, and no work experience basically means you legally ARE a slave to her now.

fiadiana · 2016-03-01T19:00:51+00:00

When I told her what I had learned she didn't believe there was any way that was actually true, even to her it seemed crazy.

She didn't know what power she had over you, so you went and told her all about it? That's not very smart at all.

As you've learned, being a married man is a very powerless position in today's society. You can be very, very screwed by a malicious ex. You have to be an aggressive advocate for your own best interests. Do not give up any small advantage you may have in any situation. You would have had the advantage of surprise, perhaps, but you've apparently blown that.

It's not entirely clear from your post if your marriage is finished or not. If it isn't over yet, I recommend a dual track strategy. First, suck up your pride and make a serious effort to reconcile. Get couples therapy or whatever it takes. If you don't feel it, fake it. If nothing else, it may buy you time. At best, you can save your unhappy marriage and avoid an even more miserable divorce.

In parallel, start researching divorce strategies. Shop around for a lawyer - don't take the word of the first one you talk to. Make plans to separate your finances, and when you are ready, make the separation without telling her first. One of the first moves for women when initiating a divorce is to close your joint accounts and credit cards. You should be the one to do that, not her.

Do not be a gentleman. Do not be chivalrous. Do not be the "bigger person". She will have no such compunctions when she screws you. Protect your own interests first. And stop being a dumbass! I say that because I care.

eaton80 · 2016-03-01T22:39:12+00:00

What state are you in? It makes a huge difference.

Stimmolation · 2016-03-03T16:55:53+00:00

Kids were the real anchor here. You could easily have divorced her and been done with the hole thing otherwise. You did make the choice to have the kids though.

philosarapter · 2016-03-01T17:28:18+00:00

I knocked up a girl in college did the "right thing".

Well there's where you fucked up. Marriage isn't slavery when both people choose to be a part of it, but here you just got married because you believed it was what you were supposed to do... and I imagine being married to someone you aren't compatible with must seem like slavery.

The truth is: Marriage laws are still based around the archaic concept of marriage in which the man is the sole provider and the woman is unable to work. Things are different today, women have the capacity to earn a living and men aren't always the sole provider.

Addition to this reality is the fact that wages have stagnated for the past 30 years while the cost of living has gone up. In the 1980s, it was possible to support a family on a single income, now that possibility is becoming ever more rare.

So while not slavery, I would label marriage as "A really shitty contract"

Coolbeans024ptf · 2016-03-01T14:05:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

blueoak9 · 2016-03-01T15:53:37+00:00

I have been married to a woman, and now a man. Marriage to a woman is slavery, marriage to a man is not. And it has nothing to do with the individual qualities of either the woman or the man but with the legal and cultural regime. I doubt a lesbian would have had the same experience as I have.

booyah2 · 2016-03-01T18:38:44+00:00

You sound like you have great abilities? Why don't you move to another country that will appreciate them and ditch the bitch

2016-03-01T22:06:41+00:00

No, it is an equal sharing of responsibilities.

But divorce is.

HiberniaSon · 2016-03-01T18:39:53+00:00

Yes.

raps_caucasionally · 2016-03-01T17:04:29+00:00

This has to be the stupidest god damn thing I've seen in a while. You make the choice to become married, and while yes, marriage holds an inherently anti-male bias in the case of the law. You are in no way forced to marry, comparing it with slavery is fucking stupid.

vtschoir · 2016-03-01T16:29:01+00:00

"Why do I owe her the benefits of being with me after the marriage but I receive no guarantee of any benefits from her during or after the marriage not even her faithfulness?"

Marriage isn't a tit for tat "you owe" scenario. If that's the way you view it, you've got some growing up to do. That's on you, not her. Also, if she cheated on you, you have to consider why into your view.

njjj3o2 · 2016-03-01T16:32:29+00:00

I don't know about slavery but it's definitely a very onerous contract.

BaldursShield · 2016-03-01T17:01:46+00:00

Marriage as a government contract with these divorce laws? Absolutely. Marriage as a social contract? Not so much.

jarjarbrooks · 2016-03-01T16:12:12+00:00

I don't know if slavery is the right term, but marriage currently is an institution that serves only to benefit women. I have a son and daughter, and I've told my son if he ever gets married he's on his own, because that is the dumbest thing a male can ever do.

I told my daughter she's welcome to get married as many times as she wants as long as there's no prenup.

SupremeAuthority · 2016-03-01T21:24:20+00:00

Yes. Marriage is slavery.

GenderNeutralLanguag · 2016-03-01T21:29:26+00:00

Marriage is actually real slavery.

200 years ago the marriage contract was a man and a woman trading the man's excess labor for the woman's reproductive ability. Both the husband and the wife owned part of the other. In the past 50 years the "ownership" of the woman has been dismantled, but not the "ownership" of the husband. The bi-directional ownership of 200 years ago wasn't slavery. The one directional ownership of today is.

If you want out, the best option isn't to fight but to stop fighting. Cut your work hours back to 36 hours a week. Let the bills pile up. Only make minimal debt payments. Intentionally let everything go to shit. Use this time to spend as much time as you can with your children. Do lots and lots of structured and registered activities with your children.

It will take a great deal of time for her to recognize your intent to tank the marriage and file for divorce. In that time you have established years of lower wages and a strong claim at "Primary Care Giver". This will change the fight in divorce from "Who gets the house" to "who's saddled with the morgage". You win either way when the debate is "who's saddled with the morgage"

192873982 · 2016-03-01T23:13:23+00:00

In the past, marriage was a contract that benefitted both spouses. Today, it's a contract that only benefits one spouse, the wife. That's why people today will tell you that the only reason to marry is love, because no rational argument could lead to such an irrational contract.

So yes, you are a slave in marriage. It's as if you signed a contract with an employer that only benefits the employer, pure slavery. Also, just like slavery, your obligation to provide for your wife and her children (even if they turn out not to be yours), will take decades to run out.

LSD_FamilyMan · 2016-03-01T18:57:59+00:00

Get violent. Go to jail just to show her is nothing to you and then ask for divorce. I love my wife and son but there's certain boundary she know she can never cross because I'm not afraid of jail.

houseaddict · 2016-03-01T23:42:14+00:00

Fuck me man, if I were you.. I'd just run. Somewhere nice and sunny and far away. Vietnam maybe. You can always Skype the kids that she wouldn't have let you see anyway.

Title	Is marriage slavery?
Author	Coolbeans024ptf
Upvotes	27
Comments	81
Date	March 1, 2016 12:49 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/48g6l9/is_marriage_slavery/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/is-marriage-slavery.954949 https://theredarchive.com/post/954949

Comments