Question about men crying

Frird2008 · 2024-03-19T15:22:38+00:00

Only four times out of dozens has it not resulted in negative consequences later down the line.

Acousmetre78 · 2024-03-19T16:29:06+00:00

One of my female friends kicked my buddy out of the car because he started crying after a really bad date. He was a virgin and the girl humiliated him.

Acousmetre78 · 2024-03-19T16:30:54+00:00

I don't want to hide my emotions anymore. It's sick to not allow me to cry when my mom died or when I was really sick.

creativecag · 2024-03-19T16:11:44+00:00

I'm a long-term married man. I cry when I can't not cry. My wife has assured me on several occasions, usually because I'm embarrased when it happens, that she has no negative feelings of me for crying because it's a natural reaction. If I cried all the time at meaningless things, maybe that would be different but sometimes you gotta let it happen.

More importantly, if she's going to ick you for having emotions from time to time, there's a good chance she's not the quality partner you may think she is. Find someone who won't judge you for being you. I did and we've been happily married 18 years.

Hot_Ad_815 · 2024-03-19T17:00:40+00:00

You're better off freaking out apparently. It's shocking and even disgusting, but many women will be attracted by an aggressive male and repulsed by a sensitive one.

This is not all of them though.

JettandTheo · 2024-03-19T15:55:38+00:00

I've had really great experiences and have also been shut down and insulted for remembering my late wife.

Being shut down and insulted ruined my night, and forever put a black mark on her. I would never forget how she only saw me as an accessory.

TKD1989 · 2024-03-19T18:02:35+00:00

I've been put down by girls when I was in college for crying hypocritically when they themselves were allowed to be emotional

FlopScratch · 2024-03-19T19:11:34+00:00

Cry in the shower or while driving home. That's my advice.

AirSailer · 2024-03-19T16:51:20+00:00

This really depends on the woman. But, the underlying problem is that for some women it is a problem for them to see a man cry. The woman's response to a man crying is purely emotional, therefore there's no way to know if any given women at any given time will be OK with a/her man crying. Something like a funeral of a loved one is easy because there's a good chance the woman will be feeling the same way as the man; but imagine having a REALLY bad day and crying, if she's not having a bad day then she will not understand how you can be crying. Or, let's say you had a bad day and she just had a big fight with her parents, she comes home to see you crying she's going to take that anger out on you for crying.

In the end it's not worth taking a chance. For all the men who did and it didn't negatively affect you, you lucked out. You might not be so lucky next time.

FronkDammit · 2024-03-19T19:14:06+00:00

Was watching the Croods in theatres when I thought the dad sacrificed himself to save the family. Tearing up and sniffling at his sacrifice and love for his family to keep them alive. Buddies girlfriend laughed at me and made jokes about how soft I was. Women laugh at men for crying no matter how close they are

jwd1187 · 2024-03-20T03:08:45+00:00

Thinking about it now, I've actually never had -- and I should not even have to put it this way but -- the courage to cry in front of any of my female friends. How fucked.

thapussypatrol · 2024-03-20T08:09:05+00:00

No reason to risk it if you ask me - whether it's controversial or not, women are far more led by emotions than men - the emotional reaction of a crying male partner isn't necessarily going to be a rational one - if the man is meant to be this stoic, rock-like figure providing emotional stability, the image of him crying is going to fuck with the formula in a woman's mind - it's going to be less "wow he must be really sad, I empathise" and more like "wow, I thought I could rely on his protection - maybe not" - long term attraction is going to be far more based in the latter rather than the former

OrganizationThen8345 · 2024-03-19T15:46:00+00:00

The reality is that women, whether they admit it or not want a strong partner. Like it or not, crying will alter that perception of someone.

It shows that they can be vulnerable and whilst the media loves to tell us how men should be in touch with their feminine side, it goes against what women want their partner to be.

I cried in front of my girlfriend of 8 years after my dog died. It wasn’t an uncontrollable torrent of tears, but there were tears down my eyes and I sniffed. Big breaths trying to compose myself as I had to carry my dog of 14 years who had just been put down in my arms into the back of the vet’s van to be cremated.

I feel like that, along with the death of a close family member is a reasonable response. In that instance it didn’t affect our relationship, if anything I think she thought more of me because of how despite clearly struggling, held it together during a rough time.

There a a time and a place. Part of being masculine is being able to control your emotions. Crying isn’t an outlet, it’s a symptom of poor emotional control. Sometimes there are excuses for losing control of your emotions such as the death of your parent/child. But crying over being stressed out? No.

rscynn · 2024-03-19T17:43:26+00:00

Don't ever cry in front of your romantic partner unless they are either tears of laughter or of joy. Don't cry from anger, hurt emotions, or sadness, and if you do cry from pain you need to keep it to a minimum and don't also verbally express the reaction to the pain.

Every time I have showed tears because of the negative reasons it has been used against me at a later date by a romantic partner. Women remember every time they lost respect for a partner and will bring it up if it suits them.

I have 2 female friends that don't respond negatively to my emotional tears and I am certain would never use it against me. Both of these women had romantic interest in me and I rejected them when I realized that type of relationship wouldn't work for us, so I think that might have something to do with it. They know I will cancel the relationship we have now if they do something like that because I already strongly enforced boundaries with both of them.

I would say that the only safe space to cry for most men is in front of close male friends. I have never been judged for crying by my male friends that I am truly close with.

My two cents.

DeinNutzernamessoll · 2024-03-19T15:40:50+00:00

Crying is completely normal no matter what gender

Proof_mongol9135 · 2024-03-19T15:44:57+00:00

crying in front of female is worst thing man could ever do.

Suspicious-Singer659 · 2024-03-19T20:05:09+00:00

I've only really emotionally opened up to one female friend in my life. And it I've was having a very bad time so it was pretty brutal.

She was a little freaked out but ultimately shes stuck with me through thick and thin. I would say you generally can't expect that as a man from people of either sex.

But there absolutely are women out there who will be there for you when your down in friendships.

Romantic relationships are a little different because there's a chance of her losing attraction to you.

But honestly if she does you're probably better off without her.

There's women out there who won't. Quite a lot actually. But it is a trend with them that you should be aware of.

L0cked4fun · 2024-03-19T22:40:32+00:00

I cried with my wife when my dad died, then when my grandfather and aunt both died in the same year because it seemed like everyone was dying, then when I herniated a disc because I knew how much I was going to lose to a bad back. She supported me every time and has never brought these instances up. I know not every woman is going to be like that, but these types of women are out there. I would personally leave her if she did throw those times back at me, so lucky for us both that she hasn't.

Illustrious_Bus9486 · 2024-03-19T23:05:18+00:00

A man should never show any sign of weakness to a woman; it will be weaponized against him at some point in the future.

noleague · 2024-03-19T15:16:34+00:00

I’ve cried in front of women and never had an issue with it but I’ve heard stories of some men being effected by it

remnant_shekels · 2024-03-19T20:07:38+00:00

A woman who reacts negatively to a man crying is, herself, emotionally weak. Crying in reaction to an emotional crisis is no different than laughing at a humorous situation. It allows the mind to absorb and react to an outside stimulus. Anybody who is negative towards any human emotion borders on psychopathology or narcissism. They’re figuratively saying “I don’t know what to do so stop scaring me!”

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-03-19T20:09:37+00:00

If you're not dyin no cryin.

Lupinyonder · 2024-03-20T09:45:14+00:00

My partner actually finds it sexualy attractive in the right context. She feels like I'm opening up to her. It's not the vulnerability that she finds attractive but the emotional connection and honesty, I think.

Geselshaft · 2024-03-19T15:28:27+00:00

Cry into your pillow or at a funeral. And you better choke that nonsense back pretty hard.

Otherwise you will be judged. If you're just crying for no actual reason, some made up "I'm an emotionally crippled millennial" reason, people will think there's something wrong with you.

Face it, women can be emotional babies all they want, because patriarchy doesn't give a crap about them sitting on their ass crying like children. Blame the evil patriarchy for being unfair to men.

You want to cry, you run the risk. Stick to your therapist and cry to them because mommy didn't hug you enough, or daddy was mean to you for liking to kiss other boys and not reward you for being woke, that's 100% your right, but you will be judged for it. And not positively.

The majority of women on the planet do not want you crying about stupid things. You family members dying, that's one thing. Extreme pain, understandable. Your wedding? Sure, get a little misty eyed as you see the last of your freedom slip away as the jail cell slams shut. But that's about it. They don't particularly like it at other times.

Your mileage may very. But I've seen too many times where it absolutely destroys a relationship.

And also, perhaps a better question is, what is it in your philosophy where you have that much to cry about? Because it sounds like a personal belief system issue.

Fantastic_Captain · 2024-03-20T02:09:50+00:00

Reading these responses absolutely breaks my heart for for you men. I knew there was a “stereotype” that women look down on men who cry but I had no idea it was this real. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced such terrible cunts.

My dad cries at the drop of a hat- literally in 30 second “heartwarming” commercials- it’s mostly just weird happy emotional tears but sometimes real sad tears which hurts to see. I guess I was raised with that being the standard I’m just realizing how many of my guy friends always want to come over and do “paint and lay on the rug and talk about their feelings” nights.

I feel for you guys :( You deserve better women. You can cry to me anytime :)

kuharido · 2024-03-20T01:47:21+00:00

This really shouldn’t be confusing but it is because men are listening to the wrong gender giving advice to men. Believe me this is so simple you might think there has to be more to it but there isn’t. Deep down you know what you need to do, and all this “dismantle the patriarchy” is just a bunch of noise. Be a man, and the only time it’s worth listening to a women is if she’s saying no rejecting your advances, otherwise nothing coming out of a woman’s mouth should influence how you behave, the other exception is if you genuinely respect her opinion and let’s be real most men don’t end up with women whose opinions they genuinely respect. So you wanna cry, cry, but when your girlfriend tells you it’s ok don’t be a fool and believe her no matter what she says, they’re wired to say what’s socially acceptable as they are the weaker sex, its built in and you can’t change it. The exceptions when this is ok are rare and you can count them on less than one hand

Fabulous_Source7962 · 2024-03-21T15:43:17+00:00

i like my men who are comfortable with showing and expressing their emotions, instead of bottling it up and acting like some sigma male alpha wolf who thinks it makes them look ‘feminine’ and ‘weak’.

because it truly doesn’t, being comfortable with your emotions and being comfortable to express them is the hottest thing a man can do.

the only reason why men find it a problem is because they were, 90% of the time, taught by their fathers NOT TO cry. it’s mostly, and a lot of the time, men pushing the agenda that they shouldn’t cry themselves.

yall need to heal yourselves, get therapy, write in a journal or find a HEALTHY way to express your emotions, to someone else or just getting it out of your system alone without blowing up like a landmine anytime someone ticks you off, even just a little bit because the more yall bottle it up, the worse it’s gonna get

HelpfulViolinist3562 · 2024-03-19T15:22:06+00:00

I haven't had an issue the couple of times I've cried in front of a woman, but I have if I showed frustration or anger in front of them.

blackshuck1975 · 2024-03-20T00:04:01+00:00

I water up when I get emotional, but I don’t “cry”. I’m not weeping. I only legitimately weeped once that wasn’t at a funeral and that was at “Marley & Me”. My dog had died recently and the end was sad.

Thegeekanubis · 2024-03-20T01:15:33+00:00

Crying? 10/10 would cry again

14werewolfcox · 2024-03-20T02:29:20+00:00

depends why you are crying in my observations.

alot of women only see men cry when they are confronted about somthing and they are caught in the act

iv never seen a woman treat a man badly for crying at the death of a loved one/ their dog/ horrible happenings in the moment unless it puts them in danger and then its usually trying to hurry them away sometimes it seems to protect them from both/ him from embarrassment or from causing a scene which could be detrimental to him later but that's usually a rushed excuse and they excuse themselves together i assume to offer support in privacy as those couples seem to stick together

i have seen woman not treat men well when crying, if men cry cus they were caught cheating / lost their job / didn't get their way

not very nice to mock that either but i think it stems from "crying isn't going to help in this moment" lets make a plan/ we need to be strong/ or they don't understand that isnt the only reason

maybe if we discuss issues sooner/ share our stresses we as humans could better support each other?

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-03-20T03:24:11+00:00

I can only remember once being mocked for crying. I was a young kid at some kind of camp. I was running, and fell and landed on my stomach, knocked the wind out of me, hurt like hell, and those d**ks started mocking me. I was in agony, but I was so pissed off at their idiocy, I managed to take a deep breath and screamed at all of them "Go ahead and laugh at me" in a rage. Shut the dumb f*(ks right up. LMAO

20Fingers20Toes · 2024-03-20T04:32:57+00:00

Being sensitive (not too sensitive) is a good way to weed out people who shouldn’t be in your life.

LettuceBeGrateful · 2024-03-20T04:33:52+00:00

Last LTR I was in, I broke down once when I was dealing with my abusive family over the phone. My girlfriend was super supportive and never held/used it against me or any of that stuff. I also had a female friend who caught me crying once or twice when my depression was at its worst and she was supportive.

Of course I also had an abusive ex who used everything against me, tears included. I think my experiences are more of a mixed bag than a lot of guys here, but I've had multiple women in my life outright say it's gross when men cry, so I kind of got the message ahead of time. Thanks for the honesty, I guess?

jack_avram · 2024-03-21T09:08:32+00:00

It's horrible to think about but the only "real" compassion I ever had with episodes of crying were from complete strangers when I was a kid. I wouldn't say I cried more than any typical kid but my family seemed incredibly detached from being able to share compassion for this. Thinking back from now, I can see where they were both afraid to bond and connect to those more difficult emotions like crying. I even had one time I told my grandmother "I don't feel like my family loves me" - huge upset and they come in almost irritated by this, how dare he say that - all along, where is the compassion? Jesus Christ. Now I wonder if generations of numbing emotions is a thing, generational trauma. Certainly has me understand a lot more of why I've struggled with bonding and relationships growing up, very shaken early Oxytocin development most likely, social anxiety and Asperger's like challenges pretty lifelong but with a lot of progress too.

I've still cried in adult years but the ability feels more locked up and burnt out like a lot of other emotions - certainly doesn't feel natural but more like indoctrination. Last I really cried was in a crazy mushroom trip that felt like maybe a mental breakdown of some sort as well - had me crying / angry / all kinds of personal facing of past trauma.

Still, we shouldn't ride the past as an excuse but merely understand and integrate such pain to live more authentically imperfect now. It's doesn't matter if someone had it worse or better, narcissists have a habit of deflecting with those dismissive responses, what matters is healing and growing your experience to perhaps be greater than the past.

Uncertain_Isabel · 2024-03-19T22:53:24+00:00

I personally haven't experienced that with female friends.

parvuscorvus · 2024-03-19T18:02:23+00:00

Obviously I don’t represent all women, but I personally like my partner to cry (not that I like him being sad of course) because it shows me that he is comfortable enough sharing that side of himself with me and I feel more emotionally connected and balanced.

Maverick-_1 · 2024-03-19T18:43:28+00:00

It's anayzed in "Rise of men", chapter 2. Paramount it's paleolithical instinctual result in women, as it's very often. More specifically "resignative weakness", according to leading Red Pill take.

Anecdotally my first girl-friend asked me why men wouldn't show emotions. As I involuntsrily suffered temporarily from emotional labilitity, else almost always noteworthily stoic even for lawyers' or bank or tax assessment, those hormones and Performance pressure and lack of scientific knowledge maybe.

I'm considering forwarding that book's chapter with it's analysis on it. Actually women seem to run on autopilot, but we aren't forced to suppress emotions, it seems to be Feeling forced to get access (sex). Btw, it's very high in empirical life-regrets suppressed emotions and much about relationships, but surprisingly nothing about sex, compare that with ultra many channels.

belgianbaby · 2024-03-19T20:58:49+00:00

Men's tears are the most touching tears. I've never heard of women here in Belgium mocking their men crying, of anything of this kind

Again seems to be an American phenomenon

Illustrious-Menu-362 · 2024-03-20T16:11:18+00:00

Cry, but be dangerous. Someone smiles (not laughs, not smirks, smiles) at your crying, punch them right on their stupid face. Nobody will think its funny from then.

I was a big kid, some other kid made fun of my weight, I sent that kid to the ER in an ambulance, nobody made fun of me after that. Respect is given to women, men have to earn it.

Title	Question about men crying
Author	Contraband2
Upvotes	99
Comments	81
Date	March 19, 2024 2:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1bilw0f/question_about_men_crying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/question-about-men-crying.1428000 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428000

Comments