(Both pills) Why do blue-pillers have such a problem with "settling"?

Will_Im_Not · 2015-07-22T21:26:44+00:00

I think people have different definitions of what "settling" means. Some people have the general mindset of "look man, you're reasonably attractive and make a decent amount but you're probably not going to date Emma Watson". Other people use it to mean "You're going to have to marry someone you're not into because that's all you're worth".

men hold out for Carmen Electra

Nah, I'm holding out for Pamela Anderson or Jlo. Maybe in the meantime I'll listen to that new teen hit artist Britney Spears.

dragoness_leclerq · 2015-07-22T22:21:08+00:00

I don't think this is a BP specific thing at all. You'll even hear guys in TRP say they'll never "settle" for anything less than a virginal, 21yo HB9 or something similar.

Some people in general are flat out horrified by the idea of "settling" because it offends their own personal sense of value. But a lot of times that's really just due to not quite understanding what settling means nor having a genuine understanding of their true SMV.

On the other hand, when people hear settle they likely misunderstand what that actually means. For some reason, a lot of people take it to believe settling is just another word for "take literally whatever is offered" which is rarely the advice they're actually being given.

madscientistlove · 2015-07-22T22:27:43+00:00

The concept of "settling" to me means staying in a relationship with someone who you only kind of like, because you think they're the best you can do. I think that can lead to a lot of resentment and relationship problems (dead bedrooms, anyone?)

It strikes me as cowardly, as if being with anyone is better than being alone. Being single is not a bad thing. If a person can't stand their own company, then why should anyone else?

I don't mean that relationships are easy or that someone should hold out for someone "perfect". Relationships take a ton of work and love is like a plant. You have to look after it, take care of it, and let it grow over time.

runitonce007 · 2015-07-23T15:07:01+00:00

The biggest problem is people thinking they've 'settled' when infact they're with a man/woman who is their equal in attractiveness. This is especially a problem for women because of the amount of attention they get.

An average 6/10 woman gets approached by all different men - some of which are hot - so when a 6/10 man approaches, she considers him to be beneath her because she dated an 8/10 man for 2months last year. It doesnt occur to her than this 8/10 was actually out of her league & thats why the relationship didnt last. She now considers this her level, & anything less to be 'settling'.

nomdplume · 2015-07-22T21:18:00+00:00

Not to quibble with a tribble, but I'm pretty sure Carmen Electra would be easy pickin's at this point in her life, lol...

AnnoyingSeaAnt · 2015-07-22T23:28:13+00:00

I will have the very best , like no women ever had~

People prefer to hear "True luv will solve everything" instead of "Nah, you gotta improve and work at it or you'll get a substandard consolation prize" (especially for BP , cuz it would be "conforming to patriarcal standards").

Then you blame sexism or friendzone or something while the real reason is that you aren't that attractive to what you want.

Sleela17 · 2015-07-22T21:31:38+00:00

Some of the best advice I ever got was from my mom, who told me that the person you marry/end up with will be responsible for 90% of your happiness or misery in life.

Choosing a person to spend your life with is a HUGE decision, and if you're only lukewarm about someone, chances are it's not going to work out well. That's not to say that everyone should hold out for a supermodel or a millionaire. Just that you shouldn't settle for someone who's "good enough" just because you're lonely or your time is running out.

I have a buddy who got married a few years ago to a girl who most of his friends (myself included) aren't a big fan of. She's kind of emotionally abusive toward him, really spoiled, and generally not a very nice person. One of my guy friends asked him why he wanted to marry her. He said, "Well, she puts up with my shit." Call me crazy, but I don't think that's a good enough reason to marry someone. If the best thing you can say about them is that they tolerate you most of the time, you're probably not going to have a happy life with that person.

It's not about finding a "perfect" person. It's about finding someone who you're happy and compatible enough with that they bring joy to your life. If not, what's the point? There are worse things than being alone.

Prometheus720 · 2015-07-23T00:08:18+00:00

What is this SMV test and why have I never heard of it. That's some A-level clickbait, but for TRP.

PetticoatRuled · 2015-07-23T00:27:50+00:00

FATHER:

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

SON:

All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,

It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.

If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.

LUClEN · 2015-07-23T00:34:07+00:00

I think that all depends on how settling is defined. I interpreted it as being with someone who has unbearable flaws solely so one isn't alone.

99_Problem · 2015-07-23T15:44:59+00:00

First, you have to decide if an LTR is really what you want. If you actually don't want an LTR, none of this matters.

It's not about settling. It's about prioritizing. The higher your SMV, the more numerous and outrageous your expectations/demands can be. The lower your SMV, the fewer and more modest they must be.

You have to think carefully about what is truly important to you. You won't figure it out all at once. Your priorities will probably change with age and experience.

Cbus_anonymous · 2015-07-22T23:38:27+00:00

1) The current incarnation of arranged marriage is great. Just saying.

2) There is no blue pill trend encouraging you to hold out for "Mr./Ms. Right". That's the kind of thing redpillers like to lie about, but, in fact, has never happened in your life outside of maybe an encouraging parent's words in grade school.

3) Not settling is a different concept entirely. I have no interest in getting married, and don't consider my singlehood to reflect on me as a person in any manner, and though I'm aware some will judge me on the basis of that, I think such judgement is vapid and am contemptuous of that sort of thinking. Therefore, I have no internal pressure to remain in a relationship that costs me more than its giving. No one's looking for perfection, but if he's abusive or childish, and isn't willing to behave in a manner that would support a relationship, I'm outey. Bye.

trpobserver · 2015-07-22T21:21:23+00:00

Figure out how to accurately evaluate whether you are satisfied or faking satisfaction out of fear, and then seek to acquire whatever truly satisfies you. Settling is somewhat subjective.

wtknight · 2015-07-22T21:51:03+00:00

I'm one of those all or nothing people who either is completely into a woman or I feel absolutely nothing for her, so this wouldn't really work for me. As for arranged marriages, my opinion is that parents try to set you up with who they think is good for them, not who is good for you.

cxj · 2015-07-22T23:52:40+00:00

Everyone settles on some level. Eventually, if you fail to make a choice on who to settle for, you actually settled for no one.

Personally, I think men are far more incentivized to settle earlier to quench the unending sex thirst, but women don't have quite the same incentives and can quench their sex thirst with alphas, who won't LTR them. The average girl has more value to the average guy than vise versa in modern society.

TheChemist158 · 2015-07-22T21:29:02+00:00

I'm blue pill and certainly don't say that. I think that realistic expectations are important. There's also the matter of how good a person has to be before they make you happier than when alone. It's possible that most people you'd rather be without, and I'd that is how you genuinely feel that's you're call. I haven't seen any blooper suggest to hold out for Mr. Perfect, but to think critically I'd this person makes you happy than if you were alone.

I also object to how twerps think about the SMP. They treat more like a modern market, whereas it is more similar to a barter system. What one considers to be Mr. Perfect is meh to another woman. There is no set value a person has. I may like what you have, I might not. Maybe another would go crazy for you while I don't want you at all. Maybe I want a guy that the other woman scoffs at. There is no real SMV because they're is no way to measure it, for liquidate value like in our market.

thereddespair · 2015-07-22T22:48:56+00:00

sad are those people who are too focused on looking for the best in others without refining themselves to be the best they can be

only people who do not know themselves would pursue an alpha just because it is regarded as the best in some standard

wazzup987 · 2015-07-23T05:25:02+00:00

I am torn because 'settling' is often conflated with uncompromising. and i think that is and issues for both genders not just men or women. but on the other hand some who is willing to settle for any one probably isn't very driven.

I really think the main issues settling is that there are some people with uncompromising unreasonably high expectations and you want slap some sense in to them that there is not one person that meets all those pre reqs.

veyron3003 · 2015-07-23T05:54:04+00:00

Its sad that a wife modeled after 20s~50s society is nearly an impossible dream. Men have to settle for prostitutes.

buartha · 2015-07-23T12:47:48+00:00

A lot of the advice I'd give in that situation depends on the mentality of the person I'm speaking to.

Some people are willing to accept harsh truths about their personal situation and attractiveness and can adjust their preferences to reflect reality, and others cannot.

I don't have any problem with people settling if they're the former and are genuinely at peace with the level of attractiveness they're capable of getting, but if someone settles while privately thinking they can do better, then they'll make the other person's life a misery with their wandering eye.

Since I believe that if you advise someone to take a certain path, you're not only responsible for the outcome for them, but for the effect they have on others around them, I would rather advise those who have trouble accepting their lot in the 'SMP' to stay single until they find someone who meets their criteria or life knocks them down a few notches.

leftajar · 2015-07-23T21:19:39+00:00

It's a fancy version of NAWALT. "There's some women out there who don't behave in the way TRP describes. Keep trying to find them!"

Lonny_zone · 2015-07-23T01:25:30+00:00

Like usual, I think bluepillers live in La La Land and think "head over heels" love is possible for everyone.

[deleted] · 2015-07-22T21:48:01+00:00

Second-rate goods are never truly satisfactory.

MethodiusIV · 2015-07-22T21:58:50+00:00

Blue pillers are a lot like animals. Both react mostly on instinct instead of reason.

Title	(Both pills) Why do blue-pillers have such a problem with "settling"?
Author	gianttribble
Upvotes	3
Comments	64
Date	July 22, 2015 9:07 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3e8tqf/both_pills_why_do_bluepillers_have_such_a_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/both-pills-why-do-blue-pillers-have-such-a-problem.280817 https://theredarchive.com/post/280817

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