Can polyamory be a good thing?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-03-14T17:45:15+00:00

"we" do accept this in the west, its called post sexual revolution female emancipation and the 60s and dating. why do "We" have to do it DURING LTRs and marriage, "we" do it freely when "we" are single

lets lay bets on what shitholestan this OP is from because as usually, tho OP displays zero conception of western culture

EGOtyst · 2020-03-14T17:19:02+00:00

Nope. If that's what you want, why are you partnered with her?

She isn't your sister. She isn't your whore.

Those are different rules.

The rules for a romantic relationship requires monogomy, or else what is the point?

DangZagnut · 2020-03-14T17:26:38+00:00

I never did the monogamy thing, and never cared who else she was with or dating. Exclusivity is not for me.

I'm not forming a relationship circle or anything like that. Just don't care what she does unrelated to time with me.

OXOzymandias · 2020-03-14T17:18:18+00:00

Cant do it i value to much exclusivity, but to each their own i guess.

DontNeedMuchMoney · 2020-03-14T18:07:39+00:00

I hate the thought of man with another woman,it would invoke so much misery and things wouldn't last.

If possible J would like one way polyamory (I fuck people but he doesnt) which I guess is cuckolding. Sadly not many men are up to this lol.

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ZlayerXZ · 2020-03-14T18:17:39+00:00

For men polyamory is a good thing only if you are a fuck boi or an alpha, in which case you have hundreds of open relationships, that has been just for sex, the majority of dudes have to put work to get laid and most women only have to spread their legs, how can that be a good thing for you? She is running the race on a car and you’re running it on foot with a broken leg. Dumb that women and become alpha if you want to enjoy polyamory and be on the rightful side of things.

TwentyX4 · 2020-03-14T18:39:50+00:00

Then I remembered about a place in the middle East (possibly somewhere else) where a few hundred years ago it was the culture for women to sleep with a ton of men before marriage, The more men she could please the better wife she would make and the more desirable she would be.

It definitely wasn't the Middle East.

It also seems like a very risky thing to do because - especially before the advent of birth-control - women would get pregnant. And then she'd become a single mother. Who's going to take responsibility for that kid? Maybe (if it's a small tribe and nobody leaves their home village) the might-be daddy takes that role, but who knows.

But what if we just accepted this? We allowed our partner to sleep with others so long as we were present and vise versa. Would we be worried about monkey branching or cheating.

I know people in the poly lifestyle. It's a shit-show. People want the validation of having lots of people want them. Women get the benefit of having guys work for their attention and approval. Though most of those guys don't want to stick around anyway - it's free sex and she has a relationship with some "primary", so he's relieved of that duty. Jealousy is a constant problem in the poly community. If you read the book "The Ethical Slut" (yes, I read it), the second biggest chapter in the book is about managing jealousy. The author talks about how, if her partner is on a date, she gets anxious and feels the need to go find someone to go on a date with, too. It produces a need to have a backup-partner all the time.

For a few weeks, I briefly "dated" a woman who was into poly. It was a pretty shitty experience. She (of course) had lots of guys trying to one-up each other to get her attention and sex. She loved having constant attention from guys. (This is my impression of what a poly-woman wants to experience.) It always felt like she had one foot out the door of our pseudo-relationship. It was like being with someone who was always on the lookout for some better guy. I'm sure you can imagine what that does to people's psychology. It basically teaches her partner that: he's good enough for right now but not long-term, and she's completely unreliable and could very-well be gone forever next week so don't get attached. Meanwhile, she had the same thing in reverse: her last boyfriend would go and pickup girls from the bar or from the social-group and she was supposed to not be jealous about it. I've seen her get bitchy and catty about a few different women that her boyfriend liked. In a lot of ways, it seemed like he wanted a variety of women to bang, but she was his reliable source of sex if he struck-out when trying to pickup chicks.

In poly, you also have to contend with the fact that people like novelty, so some new guy/girl is going to be much more attractive than you for the first three months of their relationship, so every long-term poly relationship is going to involve your partner going crazy for some new crush every once in a while.

I've seen lots of manipulative behavior from poly-people, too - verbal and physical intimidation aimed at stopping their partner from sleeping around, or the creation of difficult rules where it was obvious they were just trying to put obstacles in the way of their partner sleeping/dating around with other people.

People want to feel special. They want to feel wanted. Polyamory undermines that because it basically says "You're good enough ... for right now. You're somewhat more special than other people - otherwise I wouldn't be interested - but not significantly more special, which is why I want other people."

I can't imagine trying to have any kind of children under a poly structure. Women would basically have to accept raising the children alone while a series of guys rotated through the household. Not only would the kid not have any permanent father-figure, and none of those guys are going to want to contribute the kind of money needed to raise a kid, but step-fathers are far more likely to sexually abuse children. Last I checked, step-dads were 20x as likely to sexually abuse their step-children than biological dads were to abuse their own children.

Edit:

By the way, regarding that poly-girl I was talking about earlier: She has been in a relationship for a few years now. He doesn't seem like her type, which surprised me. He seems super beta. In bed, she wanted to get dominated. He definitely didn't seem like the "dom" type. I don't know if she's still into poly, but if she is, my guess is that he's super-beta, gives her emotional/relationship support, and enjoys the idea of her sleeping with other guys (in a cuck-fetish kind of way). I seriously doubt that he gets much action outside the relationship. She, on the other hand, feels free to date outside the relationship, hookup with other guys, and never has to feel jealous about him hooking up with other women (because he probably isn't getting any outside the relationship). In that sense, I suppose they both get what they want out of the relationship.

LazerArray · 2020-03-14T19:03:01+00:00

Not if you wanna raise kids. Don’t really care in any other sense.

exit_sandman · 2020-03-14T19:34:19+00:00

The same way being beaten up by your partner can be a good thing - some people get off on it.

Most however don't, and trying to pressure an unwilling partner into a polyamorous or alternatively an open relationship isn't that much different from beating your partner up and labeling it as consensual BDSM.

flamingoinghome · 2020-03-14T23:13:14+00:00

You're not describing polyamory. You're describing group sex, or possibly swinging.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-03-14T17:28:13+00:00

Dunno, it's not for me!

akihonj · 2020-03-14T17:51:24+00:00

Ok so here's a scenario then you permit her to sleep with anybody, she does and your present during.

Then you find out that she's slept with somebody without your agreement and done so a few times what now.

That's still cheating as far as I can see, do you accept it or do you react in some way, accepting it means that she can do it again and again, and each time you die a little inside knowing that she's cheating on you and if only she'd spoken to you about it. If you react then your entire argument is a failure. So what do you do

Killer_Queen_Daisan · 2020-03-14T18:06:27+00:00

Monogamy is a choice. If you choose to have a ltr with someone, you choose monogamy. You don’t want that? Don’t get into a ltr. Simple.

Oh but you want everything that comes with an ltr except the exclusivity? You want your cake and eat it to? Okay, go find someone else to cuck. I’m not having it. They are men okay with this, I’m not.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-03-14T18:08:44+00:00

I think most people would be incredibly jealous, resentful and unhappy in such relationships. I would never be in one because the idea of sharing my lover is a complete killer of any desire to be with him in the first place. But also it's not like a lot of people are so desperate to cheat all the time or experience feelings of attraction as something so shattering that they are in this constant agony or dilemma about whether to cheat or not. I can think someone looks good and it's not some big deal event for me... aside from serial cheaters even when they cheat people often do it following some kind of issue with their own partner or lack of love for them in the first place, or at least some personal dissatisfaction with life, an ego thing etc..

DontNeedMuchMoney · 2020-03-14T18:12:10+00:00

Polyamory is great for women. It attracts extra "committed" betas for her to provide income, entertainment and to help raise her kids.

BruhMoment45886 · 2020-03-14T19:39:02+00:00

Dont be a cuck. Its obvious your girl wants the best of both worlds. She wants comfort and security from you while also getting to sleep around with other guys without sabotaging herself.

Dont try to rationalize it by seeing it as a "progressive" or "open minded" thing. Shes trying to manipulate you.

Its perfectly normal to be attracted to other people in a relationship. Its unrealistic to think that you're the only person she finds attractive in the world and vice versa for you.

BUT if she really loves you she wouldnt act on those urges. Maybe she doesnt find you that attractive anymore. Talk to her.

If she doesnt find you that attractive anymore then dump her. You cant negotiate desire.

DO NOT agree to this shit.

If she just wants to sleep with women while you're present then ignore everything I've said.

Specific-Cricket · 2020-03-14T20:06:40+00:00

Unless you are regularly competing in Mr Olympia competitions, no, it is only ever a bad thing for a guy.

JameisBong · 2020-03-15T01:46:38+00:00

Poly is great, just don't bring children or marriage into it. Everyone gets to fuck and nobody gets jealous. Heck even blue pill men are accepting this might be a reality for some of them.

Archpower120 · 2020-03-15T03:19:05+00:00

Poly = bad

Monogamy = good

rus9384 · 2020-03-15T12:03:42+00:00

Sure, why not? As long as you are not pushed to give more than you get.

Simp_Gulag · 2020-03-18T06:17:41+00:00

Every poly woman I’ve met says she has more partners than her husband/boyfriend. I think your first mistake was having a girlfriend.

sadomasochrist · 2020-03-14T17:24:16+00:00

More or less every woman in the organized fetish community has a personality disorder or has been raped\molested.

The more men she could please the better wife she would make and the more desirable she would be.

Okay, well have a bunch of dudes run a train on her and report back to us about your enlightenment.

PollaTronante · 2020-03-14T17:45:15+00:00

I think polyamory/ethical nonmonogamy is a great thing. Currently reading some books on it (More Than Two and The Ethical Slut).

Title	Can polyamory be a good thing?
Author	DontNeedMuchMoney
Upvotes	0
Comments	123
Date	March 14, 2020 5:15 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/filrti/can_polyamory_be_a_good_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-polyamory-be-a-good-thing.355386 https://theredarchive.com/post/355386

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