How would you describe your attachment type?

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-07-17T18:01:45+00:00

Secure- Women keep me grounded, and chilled out.

Barely-moral · 2020-07-17T18:18:30+00:00

My attachment type is anxious. No doubt about it.

There is no such thing as enough time/attention/affection in my opinion.

I need to keep my neediness and clingyness on check so I don't suffocate miss moral because it is more than obvious that I am just too much unless I draw a line and stay behind it.

I must add that that only applies to romantic relationships. When it comes to friendsships my attachment type is secure.

lemme_tell_you · 2020-07-17T17:42:04+00:00

I'm avoidant. I had a physically abusive childhood home life and controlling clingy parent which i think made me withdraw and rebel.

I'm trying to reach secure type but dunno if possible.

wtknight · 2020-07-17T19:40:31+00:00

I was avoidant-fearful until my first marriage failed in my 20s. After that, I went through a long volcel phase. When I finally started having relationships again, I was much more secure about myself and I now have a secure style.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-07-17T17:41:21+00:00

[removed]

Shadow_Of_ · 2020-07-17T17:54:37+00:00

Anxious but the way things are going I feel like I'm going to end up as avoidant.

Master_Manufacturer7 · 2020-07-17T17:58:05+00:00

This is a stupid question. Everyone can think of times when they’ve been any of these ways, so it’s more like “pick the way you want to think about yourself, then selectively remember events to justify your choice.”

your_nikka_2k20 · 2020-07-17T21:54:58+00:00

If I like the person, anxious and avoidant. I'm avoidant and keep distant when I like someone because I feel like if I get too close then I become vulnerable for rejection. Rejection not in the sense of being outright rejected but also if I'm putting a 7/10 in effort and only receive a 4/10 back, that's rejection. So I keep the effort low. And I'm anxious because I care about that. I don't think this is healthy tho lol.

If we're just homies, secure. We leave each other on read and not talk for a week or whatever, nobody cares.

cloudydays84 · 2020-07-17T18:02:04+00:00

I guess I feel like I'm both secure and avoidant. I don't mind getting very intimate with people I'm close with on a very platonic or romantic level. Get close with people doesn't scare me and I'm close with my family and my friends. My ex and I were very close and it was great!

However I'd say I'm at least partially avoidant now, the reason being is that I've got a lot of things on my plate and honestly don't think I'm able to give my partner the level of intimacy and connection they might want and deserve if we were to be explicitly in a relationship. I've been doing a lot of introspection about stuff like this and as nice and fun as it is to try to psychoanalyze why I'm like this now, I'm more than content not knowing the exact reason, I'm just like that and it's okay.

jacquesreve · 2020-07-17T18:47:44+00:00

I used to be sort of dismissive-avoidant, but it's due to my childhood. Growing up my parents never showed much consideration for my efforts as opposed to my brother, then I subconsciously putted in my head that I was not good enough (even though I'm not at all a beta male genetics wise), and that I had to defeat everybody to be loved.

I never feared to be alone, nor my partner leaving or something like that, but I also couldn't feel good enough to feel ease in a relationship, I was kind of cold and excessively competitive. So I never let a woman show too much affection for me, I just didn't know how to react when a woman expressed romantic feelings for me, therefore I always "ran away" that as a teen lol.

Anyway, now I don't have these issues anymore, but it really sucks to sabotage yourself for some incomprehensive feeling that you can't exactly describe.

barbodelli · 2020-07-17T19:53:54+00:00

My attachment style depends on how much I like the person and by proxy how attractive I think they are. Yes I have dated people I wasn't all that attracted to. Back when I believed the Blue Pilled "Its what's on the inside that counts". After several terrible relationships where we were both miserable I realized it was all a lie.

Anyway

1) If I like the person.... Anxious. I think they are better than me and I am constantly afraid to lose them.

2) If I don't like the person.... Avoidant. I'm emotionally distant because I don't have any emotions for the person.

The problem for me has been that according to the theory anyway.... anxious people tend to attract avoidants. When an avoidant starts acting avoidant towards me I assume they are doing it because I have fallen in the #2 category (as in they don't really like me). Which causes me to be more insecure and perpetuates the downward spiral of shit.

jax006 · 2020-07-17T19:58:04+00:00

Dismissive Avoidant.

I don't buy into the idea that this is ingrained in childhood, because I had a very Secure relationship with my parents.

TheJim66 · 2020-07-17T20:05:05+00:00

Naturally secure. Artificially avoidant because women like it.

I think attachment types are bs

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-17T20:10:57+00:00

Angrily detached

Signed,

Your friendly neighborhood Red Pill MGTOW VolCel^tm

Spyro7x3 · 2020-07-17T23:14:54+00:00

I’ve loved hard my whole life every relationship I’ve tried to LTR but now after my 5th breakup I’m ready to just pump n dump I don’t feel anything for females anymore I’ve spent ungodly energy trying to love dismissive avoidant women

I loved enough and was all used up

I’d say I’m Secure attachment style but slowly accepting that real lasting love isn’t in the cards for me

-Solitude-- · 2020-07-18T01:01:56+00:00

I've always been fairly avoidant. Subsequently to learning about TRP's take on female nature, though, it's been exacerbated to an extreme extent.

So it's better and easier to be alone.

InfidelCastro11 · 2020-07-18T01:13:56+00:00

Avoidant, never been approached with good intentions and wouldn't trust anyone approaching me

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2020-07-18T02:57:20+00:00

Secure. I know this because I have a lot female friends of various attachment styles and I am constantly trying to figure out why they can't stay calm, or they avoid their bfs. Like, they will say he text me "ok gn" does that mean we are over? Like wtf, no he said goodnight? That is just a normal guy thing to text short texts. These are educated women in healthcare, not some bimbo waitress. One of my female friends told me her bf told her how often he watches porn in a day and she said she is so put off she has been avoiding him for 3 days.

In every case, I always say, if you are so unsure (or so put off) why don't you just talk about it? Otherwise just be fine with it. And it seems like neither option can ever be used, they always have to be anxious or avoid it.

decoy88 · 2020-07-18T03:16:47+00:00

From what I gather, it seems I have a Secure Attachment Style.

Learning about this stuff has given me new appreciation for my parents.

I’d like to offer a bigger breakdown of the different types in OP.

From Psychology Today:

Secure Attachment – Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. Children with a secure attachment see their parent as a secure base from which they can venture out and independently explore the world. A secure adult has a similar relationship with their romantic partner, feeling secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely.

Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed. They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other. Securely attached couples don’t tend to engage in what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, describes as a “Fantasy Bond,” an illusion of connection that provides a false sense of safety. In a fantasy bond, a couple foregoes real acts of love for a more routine, emotionally cut-off form of relating.

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment – Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.

Even though anxiously attached individuals act desperate or insecure, more often than not, their behavior exacerbates their own fears. When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner. They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears. For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment – People with a dismissive avoidant attachment have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They may seek isolation and feel “pseudo-independent,” taking on the role of parenting themselves. They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.

Pseudo-independence is an illusion, as every human being needs connection. Nevertheless, people with a dismissive avoidant attachment tend to lead more inward lives, both denying the importance of loved ones and detaching easily from them. They are often psychologically defended and have the ability to shut down emotionally. Even in heated or emotional situations, they are able to turn off their feelings and not react. For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

Fearful Avoidant Attachment – A person with a fearful avoidant attachment lives in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings. Instead, they are overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms. They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods. They see their relationships from the working model that you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you. In other words, the person they want to go to for safety is the same person they are frightened to be close to. As a result, they have no organized strategy for getting their needs met by others.

As adults, these individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are close. Oftentimes, the timing seems to be off between them and their partner. A person with fearful avoidant attachment may even wind up in an abusive relationship.

The attachment style you developed as a child based on your relationship with a parent or early caretaker doesn’t have to define your ways of relating to those you love in your adult life. If you come to know your attachment style, you can uncover ways you are defending yourself from getting close and being emotionally connected and work toward forming an “earned secure attachment.”

You can challenge your defenses by choosing a partner with a secure attachment style, and work on developing yourself in that relationship. Therapy can also be helpful for changing maladaptive attachment patterns. By becoming aware of your attachment style, both you and your partner can challenge the insecurities and fears supported by your age-old working models and develop new styles of attachment for sustaining a satisfying, loving relationship.

richlad · 2020-07-19T07:10:18+00:00

I am having hardtime figuring out my attachment style but here is some description:

I walk around with confidence, I am masterbullshiter so good at selling ideas to people and making money out of it. I do recognize, it's not a true skill in a sense a good musician is but I does keep me ahead of others in someway.

I like women who treat me like shit, I've had many women treating me with respect and love but I didn't feel statisfied with them and always felt something was wrong. Not that I feel o don't deserve good but I feel it's not me they are loving, it's just what I offer as in wealth, connection, comfort and luxury.

So when a woman treats me good, my alarms go off I feel like she's tricking me. Only women who have success with me are ones who believe I do not exist or treat me bad.

AutoModerator · 2020-07-17T17:34:31+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-07-17T20:31:58+00:00

I think attachment types are only relevant in childhood. People are capable of changing when they get older through their experiences.

Just because someone has been treated poorly by others, has self-esteem issues and doesn't have much experience talking to people doesn't automatically mean they're avoidant.

Just because someone has been cheated on a few times in their first few relationships doesn't mean they're anxious.

ModernMedia · 2020-07-17T22:13:07+00:00

Secure. I'm very detached and not intimate in basically all my social connections and ltr's are where I can let go and relax in that regard

roseyscrunchy · 2020-07-18T11:37:04+00:00

However, I find that my attachment type is the result of my history with relationships as opposed to the cause. I used to embrace the idea of a loving girlfriend whom I could grow old with but

Wanting a certain type of a relationship in your head has NOTHING to do with your actual attachment style. Those of us that want relationships, all want a loving relationship but our attachment style gets in the way of that.

Workaholiconew · 2020-07-18T15:27:10+00:00

Avoidant. But it is just my personality in general.

Dealing with people, regardless of whom, to me is a chore, varying to indifferent to out right hate. But I have to be good at it to be successful. So I do it. And I am somewhat decent at dealing with people.

If I had a choice however, I would be in a farm, in a economically stable country, surrounded by chickens and corn.

I have this hypothesis that like me, most men are over socialized and are getting burned by it. With technology we are never alone anymore. It leads to many simply developing a deep desire to leave the world they inhabit in. Be it literally, like in suicide, by substance like alcohol or by distractions like in games.

Relationships in this hypothesis is but an consequence of a bigger problem.

JesterMcGavin · 2020-07-20T11:06:31+00:00

My attachment type is "nah"

staypositivebrad · 2020-07-18T09:24:35+00:00

If we're offline, avoidant. You will never even know I'm interested in you. I'm certain a decent amount of people I know think I'm closeted gay.

If we're online, one step away from psycho-stalker. I have social media pics of girls I've known saved from like 10 years ago at least.

Example: There was one girl I became familiar with at a local convenience store, and because I knew one of her coworkers, I found her facebook and instagram and have been fapping to her for probably 5 years now even after she's moved on to other jobs/college/whatever. If I saw her IRL, I don't think I'd even acknowledge her.

Title	How would you describe your attachment type?
Author	thisisrevenge
Upvotes	12
Comments	69
Date	July 17, 2020 5:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ht00y2/how_would_you_describe_your_attachment_type/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-describe-your-attachment-type.714545 https://theredarchive.com/post/714545

Comments