"Imposed" Incompetence?

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-04-23T00:40:11+00:00

In some settings there has to be an agreed on correct way. A kitchen loses substantial functionality if the plug for the sink, the can opener, the salt, the tea, the chopping board and other vital tools and ingredients are being put in random places every time.

If only one of you is willing to be consistent in that sort of situation, that person's way is by default the correct way because consistency is the only type of way that could work correctly. It is reasonable for that person to eventually say well this is the way it is done and try to impose it. Because what they want... a functional kitchen where stuff can be quickly found...is basic to the effectiveness of one of the major essential activities of the household.

I have dealt with a man who did not want to learn a place for everything and everything in its place for the kitchen. Not even when he was asked for input on where the place for things should be. It was infuriating and sabotaged the effectiveness of the kitchen for everyone. I remember his rage when I took to saying when he came to me to ask where things were "I always put that back in (location) if I was the one to wash it...so if it isn't there or on the sink waiting to be washed then I don't know" Because apparently I was supposed to just know magically where everything was even if he was leaving things like wherever.

One of the great joys of a deliberately single life is not having to deal with that bullshit.

Slipthe · 2024-04-22T21:57:33+00:00

The truth lies in the middle. A part of it is definitely one partner has a disproportionately higher standard of cleanliness. Especially with the frequency of deep cleans.

But the goal should be efficiency. Being unwilling to understand or agree about what ways are the most useful ways of cleaning things/doing chores is lazy or dismissive.

You need to be able to articulate yourself and your choices when it comes to chores without dismissing your partner. If you can't do that, then perhaps the real truth is that you are lazy and do not care, and you don't want to compromise on something that is more important to your partner than it is to you.

SpareSpecialist5124 · 2024-04-22T22:21:14+00:00

It's funny, because half of my family's men, including me, are the ones that do most of the chores, and women are often the ones pretending incompetence, it's worse with each generation.

For example, me, have to do most of the stuff in the house because my wife doesn't understand the simple mechanics of things like washing /wiping the floor and other stuff, i'm lucky she does the laundry at least. Meanwhile, my little sister grew doing nothing at all, and can't even cook an egg, it's also her boyfriend that does most of the house chores, including cooking.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-22T21:37:01+00:00

What would be the point in saying the chore was done wrong? Do you think these women really want to create more work for themselves by doing it themselves? I'm guessing what you're doing is mistaking doing things in an inefficient or half-done way and being corrected for simply using a different method, at least for when I usually see it (for example someone pointing out an attempt was made at washing dishes but many are still not clean enough to eat off).

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-04-22T22:30:04+00:00

I'm sure that there are women out there who think there's only one correct way to do things and everything else is heresy. I haven't dealt with too many of those. I do think that there is a problem when you don't let someone do something because you've assumed they'll fuck it up anyway, that is something I've experienced. I didn't want to let my partner cook for a good amount of time because the few times he did cook, it was bland or just...bad. So I stopped giving him chances to improve because I assumed he'd fuck up and I'd have to fix things, so it would be easier to do it myself. However, that would have just cemented the incompetence, and he would have never gotten better at cooking. There have been improvements since I've let him try a bit more.

And, in a lot of cases, we can't really know if the person on the Internet saying "My husband didn't do the laundry correctly" means that he just didn't add the fabric softener she likes, or if he ruined some clothes in the wash somehow.

bluestjuice · 2024-04-22T23:18:24+00:00

Sure, this definitely is a thing that happens. Weaponized incompetence happens too, but not every single time it gets bandied about on the internet.

Most of the time people trying to cohabitate would do better to actually hash the details out on this stuff and come to some kind of consensus jointly, but it’s hard to do in practice because emotions run high.

ToughingItOut82 · 2024-04-23T01:55:56+00:00

My partner is the neurotic one in my relationship and I’m laid back. He is always the one to criticize how I load the dishwasher or sweep the floors but I think I do it well enough. I do not criticize him for how he does things. But I must give him credit. If I tell him something one time, he remembers it forever and does it the way I suggest. I am less apt to doing things his way because he tells me a lot of stuff and I kind of feel like one person being focused on the exact way to do something is enough. I pay attention to other things.

But still, I’m totally glad he does a lot.

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-23T03:26:25+00:00

If your partner isn't pleased with how things are being done, there's a reason. The other person feeling like it's a difference without distinction doesn't actually mean it is.

I'm not saying what you've mentioned is impossible or never happens, but it's incredibly rare. The fact people (in this case men) think it's common strikes me as evidence of their not listening and communicating with their partners more than evidence of their partners being unreasonable.

I think this failure often occurs when one partner requires an immediate and indepth articulation that strikes them as reasonable for why the way they did things is wrong.

In my experience, this is just fatiguing to have to be able to articulate a complex process and many plates instantly or you're just being unreasonable.

To say nothing of the fact it isn't just about completing the task, how things are done and when things are done matters too. If it isn't difficult to do, there's no reason not to do it the way your partner likes. And it almost cannot be difficult. This is just egotistical power struggle shit.

funfacts_82 · 2024-04-23T11:01:20+00:00

Whats the difference to women let them titties out and pretend to be a complete dummy when they need any help?

Both do it all the time.

Stimmy_Goon · 2024-04-23T21:56:35+00:00

I’ve seen it go both ways but there is definitely an urge to “peck at” they’re husbands over nothing just to have something to say , I’d like to chalk it up to just how people in my area just to remain hopeful

Upper-Prize-3064 · 2024-04-23T23:09:01+00:00

Single men can never be disappointments. Stay single and you’ll never disappoint a woman.

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Draager · 2024-04-23T00:29:22+00:00

Narcissistic females will never do anything they are told to do.

For a few years my crazy Ex wife refused to file her taxes. The more I bugged her to file her back taxes, so we could get the tax rebates, the less likely she was to do it. Eventually I had to divorce her because it was clear she was just not ever going to file her taxes, or anything else for that matter, out of protest against my constant nagging. Was totally crazy.

Shoreham_Directives · 2024-04-25T22:15:24+00:00

Weaponized incompetence doesn’t exist. My life hasn’t changed for the worse since I became single. I’m doing the same job taking care of myself as I was with a woman. Not any different. I suffer no ill effects without a woman.

Title	"Imposed" Incompetence?
Author	Glass-Historian4326
Upvotes	8
Comments	33
Date	April 22, 2024 4:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1caey45/imposed_incompetence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/imposed-incompetence.1516045 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516045

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