Just be yourself?

disposable_pants · 2016-08-17T17:20:03+00:00

TRP did not magically materialize out of thin air. It didn't make up a bunch of evil stuff about women and how society views women from scratch. TRP is a reaction, not an action.

In the particular case of "just be yourself" advice, consider which is more likely:

TRP needs a scapegoat for its readers' romantic failings. They brainstorm in secret, searching for the perfect sort of non-advice to rail against. "Just be yourself" is the group consensus, so they covertly spread this to not only other TRP guys, but many men outside of TRP (as evidenced by your AskMen thread). And not only do TRP men buy it, despite never having actually received this advice -- but for some reason non-TRP men also buy it, again, despite never having actually received it. The result? We see a lot of guys on TRP (in addition to a lot of guys not on TRP) saying that "just be yourself" is commonly given advice.
"Just be yourself" really is commonly given advice. The result? We see a lot of guys on TRP (in addition to a lot of guys not on TRP) saying that "just be yourself" is commonly given advice.

Occam's Razor.

[deleted] · 2016-08-17T21:12:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bornredd · 2016-08-17T17:21:29+00:00

I found that JBY is common advice that was given to my less successful friends.

I preferred to ask men who were clearly successful with women (my father, a couple of my uncles, a few other men) and as I got older, I got pretty good advice from lesbians.

I do ask divorced straight women for marriage advice from time to time, because they know what caused their own divorces and I prefer to dodge known issues. I refuse to talk to divorced men about it, because their answer is always, "She just left me." or some other bullshit.

Asking straight women for advice on meeting/picking up women is like asking fish how to catch them. They have no idea that false lures are more effective in certain cases than worms or vice versa. The fishermen/fisherlesbians already know.

GroovyEFS · 2016-08-17T23:03:56+00:00

It's not advice. It's a feel good platitude handed out by parents and other generally well meaning but cowardly authority figures, mostly to teenagers, because they're too pussyshit to give real actionable advice like "lose weight and develop more of a social life."

After all that could hurt someones feeeeeels. We can't have that now can we?

What's ironic is the long-term damage done by this coddling BS is much worse than the short-term damage done by a temporarily wounded ego. Assuming the recipient then goes onto follow actual advice when it's given, they will see more success in the future, and those real results will make them happy. Meanwhile, someone who believes they're fine the way they are even when they're not is going to keep experiencing rejection and failure and this will only make them more depressed or even outright angry as time goes on.

Sometimes what people need is not coddling, but tough love.

squidracer · 2016-08-17T19:51:58+00:00

Chad is himself and it seems to work well for him

PemBayliss · 2016-08-17T18:03:24+00:00

Yes, "JBY" is commonly given advice.

No, it is not good advice. Not at all.

It's not good advice for boys and men struggling with dating/mating and sex because "yourself" is not attractive. "JBY" means "do not change, you do not need to change, if you change you'll be seen as fake, just stay the way you are and someday someone will love you just for who you are".

The problem is that these men aren't attractive. They need to be told step by steps on what they need to do to make themselves more attractive. They don't "just get it" and "just figure it out", and they need people who actually know what they're talking about to help them with that.

It's a better idea for men to ask other men for dating/sex advice.

prometheangambit · 2016-08-17T17:37:25+00:00

It's actually tricky.

BPers - hell, humanity - value, adore, and praise authenticity, naturalness, and spontaneity, non-deliberation, motivelessness.

RP interpretation - when women say just "Be yourself" - they want you to possess such a powerful frame that you literally appease no one but your own internal standards, perspective, etc.

If there is any reason driving your behavior, you are not being yourself.

Follow my train of thought...

Man A donates to charity to gain political clout. He isn't being himself because if it didn't improve his image, he wouldn't do it.

Man B donates to charity without expectations. The next day, he discovers that he's gained political clout. Cool! Man B was just being himself. He wasn't in it for any reason except for his own self-generated standards.

Same thing goes for nice guys.

Nice guys hold the door open. Nice guys^TM hold the door open hoping you like him more for it.

Nice guys fix the HB10s car. Nice guys^TM fix the HB7s car hoping she'll like him more for it.

And so on.

People like authenticity (and by proxy, consistency). Even an oblivious asshole who gets women is more respected than a deliberate asshole who gets the same calibre of women.

In general, consistency is very difficult to maintain and takes a certain ... myopic selfishness to ignore the social world around you while never changing one's behavior for anyone for any reason but one's own.

"Just be yourself" = "Just be consistent" = "Just hold frame" = "Just don't give a fuck"

Now the tricky part: you need to actually know who you are to pull this off.

yo_radical_one · 2016-08-17T17:52:08+00:00

I actually think it works in my case.

I have two modes, moody geeky romantic or disgusting horny party animal. The contrast is actually pretty seductive.

Ringoddess · 2016-08-18T09:49:43+00:00

It is commonly given advice, and it's good advice in a way, just has completely different use than TRP type of advice. I think "just be yourself" is advice for finding true love, and it is good for that, cause your love is not going to be true if you have to be fake to keep it up.... However, it's not good advice if you wanna get laid by a different bitch every week.

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-08-17T17:26:13+00:00

I think "be yourself" has sort of become a hashtag phrase that's so vague people interpret it in different ways. Mostly, it's generic advice people give when they don't know what else to say. Be myself? As opposed to what? Being a tree? If someone asked you how to play the piano, would "be yourself" be a good answer?

wynterpetals · 2016-08-17T17:30:44+00:00

I can't speak for all women, but to me, if a girl tells a guy 'JBY' it's usually b/c he's asking for advice on how to change so she'll like him more. And she tells him this because a) she doesn't like him presently, and b) doesn't know that even if he DOES change will she like him? that's setting him up for something that could turn out good, but also bad. and if it turns out bad, he changed for 'nothing.' If he doesn't change for himself, he's going to be bitter and resentful if he changes and she doesn't accept his new changes.

winterrider · 2016-08-18T17:41:20+00:00

It is common advice and it is absolutely worthless. If a guy is having trouble attracting women like I was several years ago they absolutely DO NOT need to be themselves. They need to emulate the traits of a Chad and shape themselves into someone who is attractive.

damaskrose · 2016-08-18T19:09:12+00:00

When extroverts tell introverts to "just be yourself", what they really mean is to let your guard down, be more outgoing and friendly. Stop hiding your thoughts, opinions, and personality, and let other see your "true self". This is because when extroverts act quiet, it's usually because they're anxious or upset. They don't realize that to an introvert, being shy and quiet is "being myself".

Yangel · 2016-08-19T08:35:42+00:00

"Just be yourself" is the ONLY advice I was given by women. They won't say anything else.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-08-17T17:31:37+00:00

Just be yourself is better described as "Don't hide your best qualities." and "Don't overanalyze everything, or you're going to make it harder for yourself." It's usually given by optimists, and that is by far, their most annoying feature.

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Title	Just be yourself?
Author	ppdthrowawai
Upvotes	9
Comments	89
Date	August 17, 2016 3:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4y6dqu/just_be_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/just-be-yourself.273538 https://theredarchive.com/post/273538

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