For casual sex, relationships, and marriage, I think self esteem is one of the biggest factors that separates successful and unsuccessful men. Women are also right to overwhelmingly pursue men with high self esteem because they are the better options for them. 

Self esteem is different from confidence. Both play a factor in success but self esteem contributes differently. Self esteem is your sense of self worth and value rather than belief in yourself. 

Self esteem dictates how men approach, interact, and overall broadly deal with women differently than confidence does. 

Men with low self esteem are generally in a consistent battle for the protection of their ego and it negatively impacts every interaction they have with women, no matter how small. Men with high self esteem generally live more loose and carefree which usually positively impacts every interaction they have with women. 

For example, say a woman simultaneously connects with two different men, one with low self esteem, the other with high self esteem.

Her experience with the low self esteem man will likely consist of negging, pestering, and his consistent self doubt. Generally, all things that induce conflict and decrease her interest and attraction to him. 

Her experience with the high self esteem man is likely to be the opposite, in a way that meets her needs which ultimately increases her attraction to him. The high self esteem man isn’t negging, pestering, and projecting self doubt. So she has a better time connecting with him, which induces her interest and increases her attraction to him. 

Therefore, the man with high esteem will be the better option for her. I think we see this play out in real life in cases where there are men who do things like fuck on the first date, generate genuine interest, and all those other things you typically see argued on this sub as unfairly disproportionate to men who usually aren’t experiencing those things.  

Of course this isn’t 100% foolproof or applicable to every single situation. Nor is it meant to claim that men with low self esteem are cut off from sex, relationships and marriage. Sex, relationships, and marriage are also gambles, so obviously risks exist. Men with high self esteem are more likely to induce incompatibilities like attracting a lot of women and have unaligned pasts, so when applicable, women have a responsibility to navigate accordingly to protect their interests. 

But I do think it helps explain general discrepancies in mens experiences on issues like why men regularly have casual sex, girlfriends, and wives while others don’t at the same rates (in addition to other issues). Because for women, men with high self esteem are the better options.