monogamous relationships are overrated?

wtknight · 2026-03-21T15:23:24+00:00

Removed. No internal questions (men asking men or women asking women).

ComfortableJeans · 2026-03-21T13:05:29+00:00

Obviously, it's going to be different for different people and so on...

But for me, no. They're not over rated. Honestly, I think people underrate the importance they should be showing to even their current relationships.

My romantic, monogamous relationships have been some of the most impactful, valuable relationships I've ever had.

I've never had that level of intimacy with my friends, or honestly, most of my family. We just didn't grow up that way. I'm working class and grew up in the third most impoverished area of my country. I used to often be in trouble with the police. I grew up in quite a hard way.

There really just want any softness to go around, and no one really wanted to give anyone any, either.

I love the monogamy aspect, also. I'm only ever having sex with a woman I've formed a bond with, and have entered a relationship with. I've Never had any interest in sleeping around, FWN, ONS or anything like that. Even when I've been offered, I've had to find ways to gently refuse. I just don't want to have sex with someone I haven't built a bond with, of established comfort, safety and trust.

But why isn't friendship considered just as important?

Friends were great to hang out with, but we were raised and primed not to be soft around them. It's odd to say to people these days, but I'm 30 something now, and back then, friends weren't people you were vulnerable with. Even these days, the boys I grew up with are mostly hard as fuck, still.

It's probably different elsewhere, but not all of us had access to softness outside of relationships. For a lot of us, myself included, softness was often the precursor to being torn apart. A lot of the time, the best outcome was being ostracized for being a pussy.

Friendships have been important, but not for things like intimacy. And not as romantic relationship replicators, either.

Other than my romantic partners, there was never anyone to be that softer, more vulnerable side of myself with. They were very important to me. And honestly, I think after three decades of conditioning, I'll never be able to be comfortable with the idea of being that vulnerable with someone outside of my most intimate relationships.

Isn't anyone terrified by the thought of spending an eternity with just one person?

God no, honestly, it's all I ever really wanted. When I was younger, I'd fantasies about having a life long partner who was my other half. A partner to go through life with and take care of, while they take care of me in all those soft ways that I couldn't afford to show to anyone else.

When I think back on to past relationships, I think about the times I would run my fingers though her hair while they'd tell me about their day and lay on my chest, or about the how I'd keep notebooks of how they liked their meals because they were picky eaters, or kept on top of their medications, or even bathed one when she got horribly sick with COVID, then set her back to bed. I used to help past partners study for their Masters degree, record their classes for them with OBS and even take their mandatory side classes under their names to lessen the stress on them.

It's humiliating to say, but I used to lay in bed while I was trying to fall asleep, and I'd quiet my brain by putting a pillow against my chest and imaging that it was someone I was in love with and think about our lives together.

I used to only want to do that. Just to have that partner my whole life.

Do people, after getting to know each other for just one year, really feel ready to try to build a relationship that lasts forever?

I mean, I've been in relationships that have gone on for years and years. I've gotten into some of those relationships after knowing those girls for years beforehand, and just so happening to get closer over time as I got to know them better.

Personally, I can't imagine how perfect a woman would have to be for me to want to be with her for all eternity.

Ahh, see. Perfect is the enemy of amazing. No one is going to be perfect, nothing is, abandon the idea of perfect. You will never get perfection in any aspect of life.

It also seems to me that the desire to find a wife often resembles the desire to find a mother or a sister — someone who will take care of the domestic side of life.

I've said it before, and as a boy, it's quite embarrassing to admit, but I'm a man who has somewhat of a more mothering nature. I used to keep on top of prescriptions, handle appointments, keep on top of the cooking and cleaning, make sure everything was tidy and put away, I'd get up early so I could get shit ready for them before they went to work and so on. I just felt good taking care of these girls I was in love with.

I'm 6'3, like, 100KG and spent a life time with the hardest kinds of people and in and out of trouble, scraping through life. The idea that people I knew might see me as the caregiver type makes me feel as though someone is going to hurt me. Like seeing a weak spot.

I don't verbalize any of this attitude IRL, ever. I'm certain that it would make the general public think of me as some sort of pussy. But I suppose, deep down, I must be. I place a staggering amount of value on love between me and a partner. And I also just enjoy cherishing them in our relationship. But the way in which I show that is embarrassing.

Honestly, you just don't sound like someone who enjoys monogamous relationships, and there's nothing wrong with just not doing things you don't like. If you want to be single, be single, more power to you.

Ego73 · 2026-03-21T13:20:06+00:00

I personally don't care about monogamy, but I really wouldn't push too hard against it since I'm quite unlikely to find more than one woman I'm compatible with anyways

growframe · 2026-03-21T12:48:39+00:00

Isn't anyone terrified by the thought of spending an eternity with just one person?

Not if it's the right person

wolf2424b · 2026-03-21T13:00:10+00:00

Am I the only one who thinks that long-term monogamous relationships are overrated?

I think they are overrated in the sense that Western culture has evolved to push people into these relationships. (Which makes sense, since it's much better for society if this is the general approach to sex and reproduction.) So yeah, they don't really warn you that you are sacrificing a lot of sexual gratification. That you are married to this person in the general sense of the word "married," i.e. you are stuck with someone and have no choice but to put up with a lot of negatives as a result.

It's surely not a coincidence that the word "married" has acquired this secondary meaning -- of being stuck with someone.

All that being said, I think that marriage beats the alternative. Based on my observations, people who stay single; who enjoy a variety of sex partners; who enjoy the freedom of not being tied to another person; etc. generally seem rather unhappy later in life.

There's this feminist fantasy of the single-for-life woman who is practically jumping for joy every day since she doesn't have to take care of some disgusting man, but in real life it doesn't seem this way.

To be sure, there have been a lot of studies about marriage and well-being. I wouldn't put a lot of stock in those studies because there is a huge selection bias. The kind of person who ends up married is different from the kind of person who doesn't. Of course, the same could be said about general observations.

Still, I would say that marriage is overrated but -- generally speaking -- it beats the alternative.

Creation_Soul · 2026-03-21T14:41:30+00:00

I am in my mid 30s now, married and with kids. I have grown older I have come to appreciate more and more the social aspect of having a long time partner. Of course there is a lot to appreciate about my relationship with my wife, but the social aspect is something a lot of men underestimate.

As me and my friends grew older and each of us paired off, got married and had kids, spontaneous social gatherings became more and more rare. For me there is no more calling someone at 6PM to go out for a beer and they will be 100% on board as everybody has their own responsibilities and lives. If we want to go out and be more than 3 of us, we have to plan something two weeks in advance for all of us to have some free time.

Maybe your social circle is formed of more single people, but my cousin who is of a similar age as me and is living the "single tinder lifestyle" (and quite good at it) has also noticed that his social life has also changed as more and more of his friends started getting married and (especially) having kids. And if you ask me, I don't envy his lifestyle.

Pro-IDGAF · 2026-03-21T13:20:03+00:00

ok...so then don't and go do your thing.

get back to us in 20-30 years and let us know how it went bit you comment on how perfect a women would have to be....just too much LOL there. you're really full of yourself there millennial boy.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-03-21T14:06:09+00:00

Monogamous relationships are simple. So you have time and energy to do everything else.

DraftOk4195 · 2026-03-21T14:55:00+00:00

I guess it depends on what you mean by this exactly. The idea of marrying a virgin when you're young, then having kids and all that usual traditional stuff that comes with it feels very alien to me. But long-term monogamy doesn't have to look like that.

When I was still a virgin I might've felt like I'd be missing out if I had to choose one woman to have sex with for the rest of my life. But that ship has sailed long ago and these days I don't feel the need to add a bunch of women to the list.

In my opinion sex gets better with time, it's more a matter of how to keep things exciting in LTRs but this isn't necessarily an issue if you have a partner who's eager to explore and try new things. A lot of the time these things come with experience, so yeah, I couldn't imagine dating a virgin. I don't know if I could even find one that isn't uncomfortably young, in many respects(I'm 38 as well, so for me below 25yo is a a no-go. Preferably over 30, not sure about the upper limit.)

I have no plans to have kids, marriage isn't all that important to me and as far as I'm concerned we wouldn't even have to live together(perhaps even preferrably.) So the part about finding someone to take the place of your mother or sister I can't really relate to. You take care of your house and I take care of mine.

Plus I don't believe in an afterlife so all that stuff about eternity isn't really something I worry about.

I can easily imagine spending a few decades like this with someone.

Do people, after getting to know each other for just one year, really feel ready to try to build a relationship that lasts forever?

I'm not sure what you mean by this. Why would you have to decide on forever after one year?

Independent-Mail-227 · 2026-03-21T13:38:39+00:00

They're the fundation of a civilized society so no, they're not overrated. They're in fact underrated.

But I just can't understand why so many people consider finding a permanent partner to be such an important part of life.

Mating selection is a waste of time and efforts, utterly miserable human endeavor so removing it is a good thing.

It just seems like a dreary, mundane existence to me, especially having sex with only one person for your entire life. Isn't there something better in store for a person than this?

As opposite of what? Most men cannot have multiples partners in an hedonistic society as have been proven by current societal trends.

What also surprises me is that so many young men, for some reason, specifically look for a virgin to be in a relationship with. It's such a strange desire — wanting to secure a lack of sexual experience in a couple.

Women despise virgins because they want someone that just "get it", they don't like to teach. Men want low n-body count because it increases the chances of being the best a woman ever had. For a woman with 4 partners, the chance of you being the best she ever had is 25%, so you'll aways be compared with the other 3 what create instable relationships.

Also, a woman having high body count don't means she is experienced, women take passive role during sexual encounter most of the time.

Isn't anyone terrified by the thought of spending an eternity with just one person?

Yes, those people are narcisistic individuals that will never happy in life because they'll ruin everyone else's to get the next new thing, the next new toy.

I'm 38 now and I'm an atheist.

Atheism is the rot of the soul, don't try to delude yourself you may not believe in god but you'll aways worship something as his repleacement. In the ausence of god men will worship the worst of mankind.

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-03-21T13:33:08+00:00

As a lifelong Hitchens-esque atheist who is slowly moving back (through science, funny enough) but still not religious in any regard, I can tell you likely why you feel this way.

As a background, I grew up in a really fucked up home, my first LtR of 6.5 years was not great (mostly because I ascribed to what today would be seen as a lot of BP ideals and covert contracts), went out and did the player thing having more success than anyone I’ve personally met, married (despite not being a believer in marriage and yes my wife is very much aware of this) and now a father.

What has happened is that LTRs are viewed as a one dimensional lens in which one person is “supposed” to fulfill every need. The therapy industry has done a long and way garnered a lot of money further pushing this.

The structures like close extended family and gendered spaces that were designed to be the completion of a life have been dissolved (I’d argue intentionally) and when people realize one person isn’t enough for a whole life the get despondent because let’s be real that’s a lot to put on one person.

I currently have a newborn (few months old) and my wife and I both work, but I chose her partly because she has a solid family and friends that live close. I’ve been able to still work and do all of my additional jobs, golf, play basketball, hit the gym, play music, see friends, etc all while moving to a new house and taking a couple weeks off from work because my wife and I realize a rich life is made through action and the folks around you. She has been able to go to her friends events, get her nails and hair done, etc because we find the time and ways to look out for each other.

Not to be rude, but I’d argue the mentality is a major skill issue.

As far as the sex thing goes, that’s why you date non exclusively long enough to see what woman desires you for real. Sure, some have a mask that takes a while to come off, but it shouldn’t take dating many women to tell who’s gonna fight to rip your clothes off (provided you are taking care of yourself)

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Advanced-Ad8490 · 2026-03-21T13:31:10+00:00

Yeah like some people said. The word monogamy is kinda synonymous with boring these days. The word marriage is synonymous with being stuck and chained to an iron ball.

That being said if you can find some people to live with and share costs you could have an infinitely wealthier life with infinitely many more trips and experiences. I think that's what we really need for a true partner. Rather than just some random slut.

AwardLimp2736 · 2026-03-21T13:11:47+00:00

Monogamy is a massive sacrifice for put together men. A good partnership can work, but to find a good girl these days is meh, and you should never settle for such a big decision.

Title	monogamous relationships are overrated?
Author	Glad-Western5346
Upvotes	0
Comments	22
Date	March 21, 2026 12:38 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rzqey4/monogamous_relationships_are_overrated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/monogamous-relationships-are-overrated.1576061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576061

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