There is a hostile environment towards men trying to learn how to flirt, dating skills, attraction skills, etc.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2026-04-02T09:50:46+00:00

> This hostile environment is a major obstacle.

I made a thread about a couple of days ago. Limited means of learning and no safe place for practice is what makes social skill totally different when compared to other.

Repulsive_Hunt_9897 · 2026-04-02T04:04:29+00:00

Yeah that's why i love lifting and BJJ and even dickmaxxing, everyone in those communities has been incredibly supportive and uplifting and interested in helping each other become better.

I think the reason dating doesn't work the same is because no one wants to be someone else's practice in that context. When dating, you're looking to click with someone fun, not have to do the work of having to help someone else be better.

Even I as a male get incredibly exhausted and irritated just thinking about having to "help" an adult woman understand basic concepts like monogamy, respect, or the need for a reasonable amount of sex. Can you imagine having a date with some deluded bluehair who immediately starts babbling about ENM, is fat and wants fat acceptance rather than get on a treadmill or count calories, goes on and on about exes on first date, and makes other basic mistakes that show she has zero knowledge of how to be a good girlfriend? How immediately ick-inducing that would be? That is what women feel when they encounter a man who has no idea how to lead, plan, create healthy romantic tension, do basic social tasks, or soothe her nervous system.

Obviously this is more of a male-focused issue because we're the ones expected to be skilled and lead interactions when it comes to dating. All I can say OP is look to other men, PUA and TRP and looxmaxxing communities are... uhh... not quite as positive as the dudes I roll with at the dojo, but their hearts in the right place generally.

If you want that kind of positive, vibrant experience you have to specifically go where people are putting in the work to be better. I understand that there's not really a place like that when it comes to dating but you can get close.

Go to mixed gender meetups, don't just talk to women but also dudes, find dudes who are also trying to grind and self improve and date successfully, exchange notes, TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT (very important). Support each other and celebrate each other's successes. That's what me and my male friends are doing.

toasterchild · 2026-04-02T03:48:51+00:00

A lot of people who think they would enjoy dancing don't join dance classes because they are afraid of being laughed at and ostracized by the group. It's why people who aren't naturally sporty don't join team sports groups. Unless you are a small child you generally have to pay people to teach you new skills plus suffer through the period where you feel like a total embarrassing failure at it.

It's a lot more like learning other skills than it is different.

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-04-02T03:08:36+00:00

Like, what if, when someone wanted to learn how to dance, they would get belittled and ostracized for making the normal kind of mistakes you would make just because you're still learning?

If you go to dancing classes where the point is to learn from the get go, then you won't he bellitled for it. But if you go to a dancing competition to learn it - then you would be bellitled. Context matters.

If you open up to people that you are still learning then people do tend to give one some grace if it is done in a casual setting where the stakes are low. It can be problematic if one makes a mistake and then runs instead of apoligising for the faux pas and telling them that they are still learning the ropes. And if the thing is serious or very important - inquire about it before acting upon it. Like, you think that your friend is flirting with you - ask them if they are flirting with you.

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RycerzKwarcowy · 2026-04-02T09:48:34+00:00

And there's no safe place to make up for that, which resonates with my post:

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1s9nmor/there_is_a_hostile_environment_towards_men_trying/odurb5w/

Novadina · 2026-04-02T05:41:14+00:00

I mean, I had the same thing happen with skills I wanted to learn when I was a young woman, like I tried to join a sport, I tried to do a dance class, I tried to flirt with men, and I was teased.

Some things I was teased about, but was so determined I just powered through it. Some I felt stupid and gave up when really I was just a beginner and might have been able to get better. And I developed a preference for solo hobbies due to this phenomenon.

It’s a problem with our culture I suppose, and absolutely happens with other skills besides flirting.

Financial-Result-502 · 2026-04-02T02:50:43+00:00

Been this way for over a decade man. Women don't want us to crack the code. It throws their hypergamy off. This is a must read book for all men, its the redpill in book form: https://archive.org/details/the-rational-male-rollo-tomassi

Axis_Control · 2026-04-02T03:19:39+00:00

That's ridiculous, they wouldn't want him not around just because she was uninterested 🤦‍♀️

morepwer · 2026-04-02T03:58:55+00:00

Everything is recorded and uploaded to the internet these days. People love to talk too. Men and women do this.

JUST LEAVE WOMEN LMFAO.

Enough-Business-8287 · 2026-04-02T08:14:30+00:00

You're right that this can lead to situations that are unfair towards well-meaning men.
However, I consider this to be an overreaction to the red-pill misogyny that leads many women to become distrustful of men...

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-04-02T16:13:38+00:00

Total disagree.

There is tolerance towards men learning these skills...when they're teenagers, which is the appropriate time.

There is little tolerance for adult men fumbling these skills as part of an effort to "learn" when they've somehow neglected a major part of their social development during their formative years.

And PLEASE stop with the friendzone crap. The man who pretends to be a woman's friend in the hopes of securing a relationship with her is NOT practicing flirting skills. In fact, he's actively avoiding it, which is why he hides in the safe space of being her "friend" where he doesn't have to deal with the possibility of rejection. It's lame, and it's anti-developmental for him.

He's not practicing anything by being her "friend" except quietly lusting after her while purportedly treating her like one of his male buddies (the social skills for which he apparently has developed) while thinking that offering her favors and being willing to talk with her about problems somehow ingratiates himself to her when he wouldn't do any of that stuff for her if he wasn't attracted to her.

He's practicing inhibition and deceit and simping all at once. None of that is "developmental" for him. It's like cleaning the floors of a basketball court when nobody asked him to, and then trying to claim that it's helping him get a spot on the team as a shooting guard.

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-04-02T07:34:02+00:00

I'm not disagreeing that it's not a safe space, I'm disagreeing with the premise that that's a problem.

Unless they're your mom, dad or primary school teacher, they don't owe you teaching social skills. You can't reasonably expect that you'll mess it up with a lady and she'll just pat you on the head and go "it's ok sweetie, you're only learning, next time do xyz", then give you a tissue, a sticker and a lollipop.

Learning complex social skills the hard way is a universal human experience. Dating is no different in that regard than navigating and acquiring long term friendships. Or, say, dealing with grief. Imagine someone's alcoholic father who had a long history of neglecting and abusing his family dies and you call them and go: "congratulations on the old man kicking it, you must be thrilled".

We are all judged for not demonstrating skills we never had a chance to test in a safe environment. Our entire adult life is basically a critical system pushed into production without a single UAT, and that's ok. I mean for us humans not for software, please test your software.

Title	There is a hostile environment towards men trying to learn how to flirt, dating skills, attraction skills, etc.
Author	CthulhusIntern
Upvotes	17
Comments	59
Date	April 1, 2026 3:22 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1s9nmor/there_is_a_hostile_environment_towards_men_trying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/there-is-a-hostile-environment-towards-men-trying.1576944 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576944

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