Who should give respect first?

bluestjuice · 2024-02-28T19:00:35+00:00

Two different definitions of ‘respect’ make this overly complicated to discuss.

Respect = treat courteously, acknowledging their intrinsic dignity as an autonomous person — everyone should be treating everyone else this way as a baseline.

Respect = treat with deference, acknowledging their exemplary nature and a certain superiority of status on the basis of some quality individual to their character — this is the sort of respect that has to be earned through actions, or is conveyed based on specific actual rank or status, like respecting your grandparents or drill sergeant. Can also reasonably be lost through actions, such as losing respect for a teacher who is unfair and punitive.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-02-28T18:52:59+00:00

I can only tell you how I do it. I give all strangers what I consider default "respect" (which in many cases is basic decency and politeness). My level of respect for them goes up or down depending on how they treat people or conduct themselves.

In some ways I nebulously differentiate true "respect" from the common politeness that we might also define as respect, in the vein of "respect is something one earns." But I admit that this is indeed nebulous and just based on a feeling I have.

I do think everyone I meet is by defaut entitled to politeness from me unless for some reason they just start off by making their own impoliteness clear (which can happen at times). In these cases, I'll either ignore it if I think it isn't worth it, or engage if I think it is.

Slyfer_Seven · 2024-02-28T19:19:01+00:00

I give every individual I meet a level respect by default and I go from there.

I don't think about this shit in terms of who goes first, or what the other person should do, etc, I just do what I do regardless and see if they fuck it up...

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-02-28T19:19:42+00:00

Ideally, both parties should offer each other the base level of respect you'd offer anyone else - be on time, be engaged when communicating with them, and treat them courteously. If the other person isn't giving you that, you're just wasting your time on someone who doesn't value you just as a person, let alone a potential partner.

Respect in terms of ''I'm going to trust you on XYZ issue and follow your lead on this'' is something that comes later in the relationship, you've got to earn that trust.

NJFlowerchild · 2024-02-28T19:27:29+00:00

I give all people common courtesy and politeness. Respect is earned.

Barneysparky · 2024-02-28T19:08:01+00:00

I guess you are talking about men and women dating. Mutual respect is the only way to make a relationship last. If you lack respect for the person you date it's time to move on.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-02-28T19:47:57+00:00

Politeness is standard. Respect is earned.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2024-02-28T19:42:08+00:00

What do you mean by respect?

To me to give respect is to be courteous and polite and accord you with human dignity until you do something otherwise. And that I give to just about everyone I interact with

If you mean respect as in "obey" or any other definition then no I don't do that. And I give zero respect to anyone who considers themselves worthy of obedience because that's usually a sign that they're an ass

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-02-28T18:50:54+00:00

Respect is earned not given... Though everyone gets a base level of respect from me until they do something to lose it.... But if she don't at least have base line respect for you id bounce quicker than a fat kid on a piece of candy away from her lol

caption291 · 2024-02-28T20:31:31+00:00

But who should start? How would you realistically get it going? Is this possible at all?

Men have been more and more respectful towards women in the last 100 years while women have been less and less respectful towards men in that same time frame.

So no one should start because men already have. Imo the actual question is wether women can give respect as the norm if given it first and so far the answer seems to be no.

Slight_Tennis_3060 · 2024-02-28T18:59:02+00:00

In a perfect world, everybody would respect everybody

Few-Laugh-6508 · 2024-02-28T19:18:24+00:00

Mutual respect should be give simultaneously (presuming you mean one on one interactions). Respect must be maintained once given.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-28T19:35:52+00:00

This really depends what is meant by respect and the context of that. If you mean in a relationship...I think the tough conversation and lesson most people have to go through is that liking someone and being attracted to them is not the same thing as respecting them...and most relationships will not function well or long term without respect. I think a lot of us when young have relationships with people we like or are attracted to, but if push came to shove, you'd quickly agree you don't really respect them.

And for me, that's as simple as saying, "do you generally approve of and find competent how this person conducts themselves, their affairs, and their future vision". If the answer to that isn't a "hell yes", then you've got problems headed your way.

The question of who respects first is a stupid one. Respect is earned over time and from learning who each other is and watching how you behave and increasing expectations of what that looks like. Ideally, both people are growing at a similar rate of respect for each other.

If I was going to put my finger on the foundation of the respect issue. We as a society respect masculinity and the characteristics therein. (We essentially attribute almost all positive traits to masculinity. And most of feminism is just teaching women to shamelessly embody those traits). And, we as a society do not respect femininity or the traits therein (We essentially attribute almost all weak, negative, frivolous to this). Arguably, the only constantly celebrated aspect of the feminine sexuality/lust provoking power and only in so far as it compels men.

And yeah, I'll be honest, I think Han shot first on this one. If being a woman is weak, if the feminine isn't very cool, compelling, or interesting, if worse it leaves you open to predation and powerlessness, I mean, yeah, it shouldn't surprise anyone that embodying masculinity wouldn't just become trendy for both genders, but especially for the maligned and stepped on gender. Why be weak, submissive, not responsible for anything of note in society, frivolous, and ridiculous when you can you know, be strong, assertive, responsible for everything that matters, deep, and sensible. It isn't like it's hard to embody masculine characteristics when it is constantly fucking rewarded by every avenue of life and the only downside to doing so as a woman is that once in awhile someone calls you a bitch or some men screech about how blue haired girl-bosses are ruining their lives.

I think on this one, men gotta start respecting because their grandfathers spent too long not. And if you don't, well, women are in a pretty solid position now that we aren't buying the lies that we have to be feminine.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-02-28T19:51:26+00:00

Everyone should respect everyone else simultaneously. Just for being people, fellow human beings, not for gender or anything, you don't need to disrespect women just because they're women. It just doesn't work out that one group giving more respect encourages the other to do any. Women have already tried that countless times and what happens is they just get walked over because they aren't respected and they're told this hierarchy should be the order of things.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-02-28T18:50:46+00:00

Respect is earned not given... Though everyone gets a base level of respect from me until they do something to lose it.... But if she don't at least have base line respect for you id bounce quicker than a fat kid on a piece of candy away from her lol

Slight_Tennis_3060 · 2024-02-28T19:05:21+00:00

In a perfect world, everybody would respect everybody

singlesyoga · 2024-02-28T19:12:17+00:00

Men and women tend to have different definitions of respect, to start with

Women’s definition is inclusive and unconditional, men’s is exclusive and conditional

BaiKingu · 2024-02-28T22:16:13+00:00

The vast majority of women who have negative things to say about men experience what most women experience to varying degrees, which is the insistent, creepy, sexual harassment by men. Often bordering or outright crossing the line into violence or assault.

And then we have the men who say negative things about women because…???

“They’re entitled whores” “They literally just do OF and have no real skills” “They call any man creep who approaches them” “They aren’t trad anymore” “They don’t sleep with anyone but chad or rich men”

So one is a direct response to literal experiences of direct harassment by men, likely experienced many many times and shared by almost every woman, and the other is the negative opinions men have of woman existing and doing things they don’t like despite it not directly being related to them specifically.

It’s almost as if…

John_Oakman · 2024-02-28T20:10:13+00:00

The morally virtuous, as they're used to doing things with no expectations of receiving anything in return.

Crimson-Pilled · 2024-02-28T19:25:41+00:00

Masculine men cannot respect women, anymore than feminine women can love men. Yet women can't respect men they can't look up to, and men can't love these shrews that demand to be seen as equals. Patriarchy fixes this by putting men above women. Inequality allows women to respect men, and men to love women. Equality kills the attraction. As the ones who destroyed patriarchy, its up to men to fix it.

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gntlbastard · 2024-02-29T15:22:09+00:00

Common courtesy exists. That is a given. Beyond that, no you don't get to demand respect simply because of your sex.

obviousredflag · 2024-02-29T16:38:04+00:00

How do you do it with other men? Do you show respect first or do they show respect first? Now, why would it be different with women?

Title	Who should give respect first?
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	0
Comments	51
Date	February 28, 2024 6:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b2dubv/who_should_give_respect_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-should-give-respect-first.1246694 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246694

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