Will the categorization "divorced" eventually go away? And when?

storffish · 2018-01-21T13:34:13+00:00

being divorced is usually completely different from being single... most divorced people have family, financial, and other ties to their exes. some never-divorced people have this too but not as much on average. marriage is what you do when you're ready for a family so that's usually how it goes. and generally people who only had brief marriages just call themselves single. I know a chick who's about 30 and dating on tinder who was married for about a year in her early 20's and broke it off because she didn't want kids and her husband did. she just calls herself "single," and doesn't lead with the divorce thing on dates. nobody's ever had a problem with it or called her out on it because there's no baggage there. might as well have been a boyfriend.

Dubslav_von_Chekem · 2018-01-22T14:04:40+00:00

Killing the term won't kill the stigma, it just muddles statistics.

Witness the euphemism treadmill for stupid.

NalkaNalka · 2018-01-21T15:17:38+00:00

One of the important building blocks of old school marriage was the social shaming that kept marriages together. If you don't shame divorce you get more of it.

dylang92 · 2018-01-21T13:43:49+00:00

Divorced is way different, at least in my line of work. Essentially a lot more goes into it, especially regarding your taxes and financials. Marriage isn't just a nice ceremony with heartfelt words said to each other and a dinner afterwards, it's a real financial commitment that I don't think a lot of people realize (at least until it ends). Even after you're divorced and you want to get married again, you still gotta jump through hoops.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-01-21T13:48:48+00:00

Divorced is a descriptor of a type of single, I've never seen it used in a shaming way but then I don't live in the 1950's.

DB605 · 2018-01-21T16:49:50+00:00

Other than upper class people in upper class professions, I don't think there is currently any real stigma to being divorced. Her girlfriends will believe whatever excuse she has, his guy friends will believe whatever excuse he has.

despisedlove2 · 2018-01-21T14:50:26+00:00

As a divorced man, I see it as an honorable label. That word encapsulates my past folly and current relative wisdom.

reluctantly_red · 2018-01-21T15:11:52+00:00

I've seen several dating profiles where women emphasize that they are single "never married". Having been in a failed relationship is indeed a negative thing. At the very least it requires some explaining.

tplg · 2018-01-21T14:44:40+00:00

Is there going to be a point in the near future where people who's marriages didn't work out are simple called "single" and not "divorced"?

No, I personally don't think so. There's just too much of a difference between the average divorcee and a never married single person.

That being said: I don't care what society calls diforcees. I won't date someone who used to be married and probably has financial responsibilities towards and children with a woman who's not me.

AutoModerator · 2018-01-21T13:28:48+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

applythrottle · 2018-01-21T19:18:30+00:00

OP, what I can tell you is this, I don’t personally feel there’s any stigma around being divorced. Not all relationships work out and everyone understands that.

However, building relationships on a foundation of trust is fundamental and telling someone you’re single but not revealing you used to be married isn’t the way to go about starting a relationship. If someone did that to me I’d think they were deliberately hiding the fact that they were divorced in order to obscure something and that would make me question what else they were obscuring. That would then lead to a general mistrust and a breakdown in the relationship.

BisquitBill · 2018-01-21T19:50:35+00:00

And will anyone take a guess as to how many years we're away from this?

Uhm... well, the current year is 2018. The prophet Nostradamus says the world will come to end in the 3,797.

So, sometime between now and then.

Entropy-7 · 2018-01-21T23:45:22+00:00

If "divorced" becomes "single", then "single" becomes "never married". The distinction provides useful information for governments and social scientists, as well as a lot of individuals.

Whisper · 2018-01-22T00:49:39+00:00

All the usual suspects in our society who want us to be married? (Churches, Govt, Women, Parents/Grandparents, etc)

The "Govt" isn't an entity. The left wants to kill marriage. The Jesus right wants to promote it. The libertarian right wants the law to butt out.

pinkgoldrose · 2018-01-22T05:01:31+00:00

Divorced means failed marriage so it's wearing a badge of failure.

On the other hand it means you managed to have someone love you enough to want to marry you. Older people who are never married might be even bigger failures (unless they didn't want to get married).

InformalCriticism · 2018-01-22T15:41:41+00:00

If shame is felt by the label, it is the one who is at fault for the divorce. No other conceivable scenario brings shame to the one wronged or if it is amicable.

I think divorced would have important legal implications if the government actually did something to enforce laws on the books. I think if someone is found at fault in a divorce, (s)he should not be allowed to marry again, or be required to petition for a marriage license again, instead of being a divorcée as a means of "earning" a living.

I wouldn't care, except like with ignorance about taxes, people aren't told that the government doesn't enforce oaths of fidelity, though they pretend they do.

I have a clear conscience knowing my ex broke her oath, so I don't mind telling people I'm divorced. She probably does have a problem with it, because it brings up uncomfortable memories, even if she is successfully lying to people about it. If that's the only consequence she suffers from her bamboozle, then so be it. I'm honestly tired of women living consequence-free from their bad decisions, but instead being rewarded constantly for their chromosome type.

Is there going to be a point in the near future where people who's marriages didn't work out are simple called "single" and not "divorced"? And will anyone take a guess as to how many years we're away from this?

Is there going to be a point at which women are treated equally to men under the law? I suppose that remains to be seen.

BearSaint · 2018-01-21T15:31:42+00:00

Calling yourself a divorcee isnt shameful because of the word. It's shameful because of the failure. No matter what change in words you make the shame will still exist.

Why are you so concerned about what other people think about you? That's a much more important question.

darkmoon09 · 2018-01-21T17:06:55+00:00

You took vows when you got married so yeah it is a form of shamming, but you know what is that really a bad thing? and then people wonder why there's such a cynical view towards marriage. Even here in this sub we hear people talking about how and why marriage is good and 'special' compared a traditional longterm LTR, well then, if it's so special we give it a special word if it falls apart - divorced.

Honestly, this sounds more like yet anothrler example someone wanting their cake and eating it too. They want to sit on the high horse of marriage but don't want the shamming attached to it should the horse fall apart. *"Till death do

oceanicallyunbounded · 2018-01-22T21:01:42+00:00

I already see it that way, to be honest. I see divorce as the process- one of my friends recently got divorced, now she's single. Especially for someone without kids, I don't really see the distinction.

Title	Will the categorization "divorced" eventually go away? And when?
Author	buildingbloch
Upvotes	6
Comments	76
Date	January 21, 2018 1:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7rxocy/will_the_categorization_divorced_eventually_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/will-the-categorization-divorced-eventually-go.263918 https://theredarchive.com/post/263918

Comments