Long post, TL;DR at the bottom.

I think that at least some women here have (at some point of their lives) experienced having a hard time to get men that she likes, committing to them. Personally, that’s why I stumbled upon the redpill a few years ago and, although it was helpful for me, I think it would be interesting to talk into detail about a common experience (imo) among women.

I am talking about the situation where two people are casually dating and the woman (sometimes it’s the man but we are rpW so that’s what I am going to talk about) starts wanting something more after a while, while the man avoids commitment.

Many people say that you must be stupid for ending up in a situation like this and “trying to fuck him until he develops feelings” and although I agree, I think it’s a bit more complicated than that. Let me paint you the scenery:

Boy meets girl and they start talking. Maybe go out on a few dates. It is common for men to say in the beginning “we’ll get to know each other and see how it goes”. You say yes because what can you answer? I want a serious relationship with you from the first date? You don’t even know the guy.

And then they try to get in your pants, you give in because you like them, you start developing feelings and once you gather the courage to have “the talk” about “where this is going” he says that he is not in a place in his life now for something serious and he needs to figure things out, maybe he’ll be ready after a while.

He uses excuses such as work and having gotten out of a serious relationship recently and sometimes he is so sweet with you that you feel like things are progressing, so you want to believe him and you stay a bit longer, in hopes that something changes (and because that’s now the normal for you since it always happens like that). I mean you’ve met his friends you go to the movies together, that means it’s going forward, right?

After a few more weeks/months you either leave because you can’t keep hurting or he starts getting tired of you, so he reaches out less and less and if you don’t get the hint he gradually ghosts you.

After a while, he meets another girl (mind you, she is not necessarily prettier or nicer to him) and they get in a relationship almost immediately, while you are once again left wondering what is wrong with you and why you are never seen as a “girlfriend material”.

You are nice to them, you are not too promiscuous or too prudish, you really care about them without suffocating them, you are their looksmatch, sex is great and they sometimes even said things like “if I hadn’t just broken up, I know you would be the big relationship of my life”. But why does this happen to you every time?

A tale as old as time.

Now I want to make one observation: when something happens to you all the time, then the common denominator is you. Whether it’s because of the type of men you choose to pursue or how you handle the situation down the line, it is mostly your fault.

The number one thing I found that helped me personally is that as soon as I start going out with a guy, I make a list in my head about the reasons why I like him. If “he likes me back and tries to win me over” is not in the least, then I give it 1-2 more dates to see if anything changes and then I bail.

On the other hand, there is a type of girl that I’ve noticed who is always seen as a relationship material. It’s not just her bubbly personality, but more of the fact that they are very good at keeping a balance between showing interest and excitement and being clingy. They somehow manage to create an atmosphere of excitement and romance early on.

I’d say that the girl in the FWB situation I described above was the opposite of that, even though she didn’t do one thing specifically that could be pointed out as wrong (except sleeping with him without securing commitment first, although I’ve seen it happen with the “relationship material” type of girls and then a relationship ensues).

What’s your opinion? What are the two women doing differently? What is the best way to avoid situations like this one?

TL;DR: how come some women are never the one and always get the “I like you a lot and you are an awesome person, but I am not ready to commit right now” without doing anything wrong seemingly and other are always getting the same guys to commit with excitement, even though sometimes they treat them worse? What could the first type of woman do to stop being in that position?