Age Gap Red Flags

rp_lili · 2019-03-28T14:36:08+00:00

There is a general rule that is : never date anyone under half your age plus seven.
I think this rule works pretty well (even though it's just a guideline, not something you should follow religiously of course).
Generally speaking, age gaps are red flags when there is some kind of power play in the couple. I think you should be looking out for other red flags (controlling and abusive behavior) and if they exist in addition to a large age gap, vet hard and don't let yourself be taken advantage of.
edit : Found this article which seems pretty interesting
edit 2 : Realized I didn't addressed your FOMO. I think it should be common knowledge that we can't have it all. Defining priorities is very important. I think maturity levels aren't that tied up with age so you can easily find a man a few years older who likes to party and wants to enjoy life for a bit before settling down and start having a family. As always, the most important is to find out what he wants from life and his timeline during the vetting process.

NewMindRedPill · 2019-03-28T15:23:17+00:00

Most guys nowadays start to think of settling down in their late 20s and majority settle by 33ish. I read an article that the older a guy is past that age group the less likely they are to settle down at all. There are exceptions though. So I always looked to date guys 26-30. Even when I was 21. The thing is I acted, dressed, and even had friends who were older. Look at the 20 year girl in the 1940s. They seemed much more mature and dated mature guys. If you date a guy who is older and you appear pretty young & bubbly then I can see people thinking it's weird (like you mentioned in a previous comment). No one would say that to me because they assumed I was older with just really good skin for my age. Since I was little everyone always thought I was older. I honestly tried to appear around 27 when I was 21 because I wanted a good guy in that age group. People always guessed I was in my late 20s from how I sounded when I spoke especially. A good guy is unlikely to be looking just for a younger girl. I was the youngest my fiancé dated but again he thought I was older.

I wouldn't advise looking to be a guy's party girlfriend though.

Hammocknapping · 2019-03-28T14:43:04+00:00

there's a lot to be said for missing out on the kind of passionate puppy love that happens in ones youth, for never being the fun wild girlfriend he partied with till the morning

Not all guys turn into grandpas after their 25th birthday. My husband is more than a couple years older than I am, and we’ve partied quite a bit together. Now if you’re 20 and dating someone who is 60, then that may be different, but people still party and have fun as they get older.

Can you define what you mean by older? 25? 30? 35? 40?

spacebeerpickles · 2019-03-28T20:27:00+00:00

Associating maturity with age so strongly is also part of the problem. I've found maturity is much more of an individual personality trait than related in any meaningful way to age. A red flag for me in this would be taking this idea so on the nose that you end up vetting out potential best mates.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-03-28T15:48:07+00:00

A lot is said about women being post their prime in their thirties but this is rarely mentioned for men.

That's because men's SMV (their "prime") is highest in their late 30s. Women's is generally considered around 22-25.

This is, quite simply, why women can, do, and often should date older men.

On the converse, it's almost always a bad idea to date a significantly younger man. It's rarely healthy. While a younger woman has plenty to offer an older man, the opposite - a young man has much to offer an older woman - is not.

Generally, the only reasons older women date younger men are a) to recapture their youth/feel sexy/desired, and b) young male sexual stamina.

Whereas the reasons older men have, since time immemorial, dated, bedded, and married younger women are myriad.

EDIT: Note when I say significantly younger, I don't mean a few years. Any adult within, say, 3-5 years of you is still more or less your age. But for an example, I challenge you to look at Emmanuel Macron (French, age 41) and not be a bit hesitant when you learn he married a 65-yr-old woman... back when he was 29 and she was 53, and she was his former teacher...

spacebeerpickles · 2019-03-28T22:12:36+00:00

I think men tend to date younger women because when they are young, men tend to lack the financial resources and other experiences to lead women. Often, it's difficult to find a woman who will be willing to go through the hardship together until the man succeeds (in whatever fields of life he's committed to). If this were the case, I don't think we would be discussing the age gap issue too much. It's a really tough world out there for young men who yearn for loyal female companionship yet lack the means to support her and who are striving to reach his peak potential.

I know a lot of men are complicit in the hookup culture but some of us are just looking for loving loyal women who will go through together all the things life throws at us. Nothing would make men more loyal and committed to a woman than a woman who will be loyal to us and willing to go through difficulties together.

sonder_one · 2019-03-28T15:42:12+00:00

Women, particularly those over 30 should be encouraged to date older men. Many already do, but many others are behind the trend.

Even-age matches are a recent historical phenomenon. Time was, 30-year-old men were marrying 15-year-old women. Today this seems terrible. Back then it made sense. There was little education and lots of need for kids to do chores, so people matured faster. Mortality rates were terrible, so women needed to start making babies early for society to survive. A 12-year-old girl was as adult as she was going to get! At the same time, boys started apprenticing very young. But, they weren't ready to be captains until they had not only their "adult" jobs, but also respect from the community. This took time to earn. Only once they had built houses and established themselves were they ready to build a household. And that household wanted children. Tons of them! Children were everything; both wealth and legacy. They did work, building wealth, and they carried on your name after you died. That's another reason for women to start so young!

Things changed with the industrial revolution. The Prussian education model took over, putting kids in larger schools where their peers were all the same age. They stayed there until age 18+, then emerged into cities that were too large for a typical man to have a reputation in the community. And they didn't need one; at a young age they could get work that could support a family. As for women, they didn't need to start making babies so young because babies were more likely to survive. They also didn't have as much reason to want big families. Children cost money now, and it was illegal to put young ones to work. Legacies existed in print, not children. Children lost value.

In modern society, children are less valuable than ever. They cost a fortune, never repay it, and might live in your basement until they're 30. It's popular to not want any. Meanwhile, adolescence is lasting longer and people are maturing more slowly. This causes women to delay marriage and children, but it is a bigger problem for captains-in-training. Since education is less consistent (lots of 34-year-old grad students) and social/coworker groups span a wide age range, people are not as locked into same-age peer groups as before. It's perfectly logical, then that dating with age disparities is more common. And what types of disparities are likely to happen?

Consult the famous red-pill SMV curve.

Happiness can be found in a ten-year age disparity. The older man is more mature and makes a better captain. The younger woman is more attractive to him. What's the problem?

plein_old · 2019-03-28T15:16:11+00:00

My favorite age gap story is about Pablo Casals. He was a great cello player; he performed at the White House for two different U.S. presidents a long time ago.

Anyway when he was 76 he met a beautiful 16 year old girl, and they got married when he was 80 and she was 20. When someone asked him if he was worried about her age, he said "well, if she dies, she dies", I guess making a joke that he tended to outlive women he was married to.

Of course Mr. Casals was rich and famous and considered an incredible artist, and he and his wife shared a passion for music. So when you have common interests, lots of money and a strong connection, perhaps that means a lot to some people. And maybe no two people are exactly the same in terms of what they want or need in their personal life. I dunno.

Even if people do everything possible to find the perfect spouse, the perfect mate, sometimes unexpected things crop up later on.

To answer your question, I guess 100 years ago it was considered scandalous for a young man and a young woman of the same age to get together. And it was considered normal and boring for the man to be a few years older than the woman, so that he had some emotional maturity and some time to understand how life works.

Title	Age Gap Red Flags
Author	Szymmy
Upvotes	30
Comments	91
Date	March 28, 2019 2:23 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b6jem2/age_gap_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/age-gap-red-flags.223558 https://theredarchive.com/post/223558

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