Allowances?

RareRedDietitian · 2019-01-15T15:31:13+00:00

Do you work? That will help us answer you

Scorpioprincess83 · 2019-01-15T17:12:04+00:00

My husband works in software and set up an awesome budget spreadsheet on Excel. It’s got different colors and formulas and stuff! We didn’t set a budget at first. We just used the spreadsheet to track our spending for a couple of months (and also looked back at our bank statements for the previous months). After we figured out how much we were spending on what things, we were able to create a budget and figure out where the best areas to cut costs were. Our budget is divided into: bills, transportation (gas, car payment, maintenance), groceries, dining out, and fun stuff (movies, concerts, etc...). We also have a miscellaneous category for things that don’t really fall under those (like a new bedspread, clothes, whatever). I give all receipts to him and he puts them in our spreadsheet. Knowing that he is going to see all my receipts makes me much more aware of what I spend and I think twice about my “fun” purchases.

ragnarockette · 2019-01-15T17:16:00+00:00

Are you guys meeting saving/retirement goals?

Do you have any big expenses, like a vacation or a house, you are saving for?

I would just say you’re interested in seeing the monthly budget so you can see if there are any ways to save. That will give you a good opportunity to discuss a monthly allowance as well as what expenses should come from it.

I don’t think household expenses like groceries should come from your “allowance” but should be a separate budget line item.

Fayve27 · 2019-01-15T16:11:55+00:00

Following this. My husband gives me his bank card for all grocery and household shopping, and if there's a particular item I "want", I run it by him before making a purchase and he usually says it's fine. An example for today, I need a new pair of boots to deal with winter weather, so after lunch I'm taking the car and his card and am free to spend up to $50 on that. I'll still send him a picture and tell him which ones I pick. If there's something that I really want that costs more than that, we'll discuss before I buy.

There's never been a real instance where he's said no to a particular request, but sometimes it makes me re-evaluate whether or not I actually want something, or if I'm just wanting retail therapy. I struggle sometimes with feeling like my "wants" aren't high enough priority to bring up, but my husband is so great about helping me not feel guilty for asking, and reinforcing that it's our money to spend, not his.

Just to add, I love the idea of getting "fun money" as an allowance, but it's just never seemed quite right in our dynamic. It's something that I'm curious about, but this current system helps to keep me a little more grounded and helps to prioritize what's most important to me.

Zeldafan1023 · 2019-01-15T20:44:32+00:00

My husband and I each get $50 a month to spend on our own things. For me, it's specialty coffees, amiibos, and thrifting. For him, it's board games, comics, and video games, usually. We have a joint account where all of our work money is deposited into, and we each have bank cards linked to it. It's my job to discern whether or not I should use my allowance on something, or the debit card.

Sometimes it's not so black and white. If I see a cool plant I want, I can rationalize it and say that it's for the house and thus, not just for me, and so maybe I should use the debit card. But really, it's kind of for me, because at this point I sort of collect plants and just put them all over the house in cool spots. In these situations, I will ask him, "should I use my allowance to buy this?" and 9/10, he says "don't worry about it". This alleviates any guilt I may have experienced had I just used the debit card and not asked him.

The allowance system keeps us in check, ensures we are only spending a small amount on things we don't need, and is a fun way to learn to be frugal and make the most out of our money. Ideally, I would prefer a system where instead of a set amount, we would each get a small percentage, like 5% of our monthly earnings to use as play money, because that would motivate me to pick up extra hours here and there if I was looking to buy something I may need to save for. I am planning on approaching him with this proposal after my student loans are paid off, but for now, the $50 a month thing has been great. I have acquired so many great pieces of clothing hunting around in thrift stores, and it's amazing how far you can stretch that small amount of money.

norahlady · 2019-01-15T19:02:35+00:00

It sounds like you're talking about things like groceries and gas etc? To me, they shouldn't fall into the category of "your" allowance, they're household expenses.

Maybe it would help if you started tracking how much you're spending on that stuff, since you're the one doing the spending. I know you say sometimes it can range, but try to think of an average per month. Maybe $100 a week on groceries = $400 a month. For things like vet bills, try to spread out the cost. Let's say you take the dog for a checkup twice a year and it costs about $200 each time for the visit, vaccine updates, whatever. Then maybe throw in an extra vet emergency a year for $400. That's $800/year, or about $66 a month. Round up to $70 and there's your monthly budget. Consider including a small monthly "fund" for things like car emergencies, home maintenance, etc. Things you won't necessarily spend that month, but they'll carry over to future months so you'll hopefully have the money to cover unexpected expenses without asking your husband to transfer more.

Build a list of these line items and figure out how much you'll need each month to cover the expenses. Then let him know you've been tracking monthly expenses and you have a proposed budget, and ask if he would be open to transferring a set amount to your account because it would help you keep things within budget. If he's open to it, you can show him your expense tracking sheet and he can set a reminder on his phone to transfer the money once a month or something. You know your husband better than we do, but I think my husband would be happy with this arrangement (if he didn't already manage a meticulous budget himself).

I'll weigh in about how we handle "allowance" or spending money. We don't really call it an "allowance", but my husband manages all the finances and he deposits a set amount each paycheck into our personal "spending money" accounts. (We each have one.) This is "just for fun" money. All household expenses are accounted for in our budget, and "spending money" comes after that. We spend it on clothes, new kitchen gadgets, etc -- wants, not needs. Sometimes we save our "spending money" for gifts for each other. This year I'm planning on saving mine to surprise him with something big for us to do together at the end of the year (like ski passes, or a weekend getaway).

Florist_Gump · 2019-01-15T16:04:47+00:00

While I do take on the primary budgeting responsibility for the household its very much a cooperative effort between the wife and I. When we were first working up the budget we'd do weekly status meetings to discuss plans, see how the existing plan was working out and adjust as needed. Over time these oversight meetings have become less needed but occasional adjustment sessions occur.

Both the wife and I have discretionary budgets. "Allowances". I'm not a fan of basing these allowances off of individual earnings, I make 50% more than the wife but my interests/hobbies are about 50% cheaper so we agreed to values that were realistic for our individual needs. And it was a mutually agreed-upon decision, I do retain final decision-making authority and veto power but I've had to invoke it all of once ("$500 is a bit much while we're trying to budget for a vacation, how about we go with $400 and see if that works") as a compromise.

I guess my recommendation would be to have been part of this budgeting planning from the beginning, but realistically to ask if you could be part of the planning moving forward. Make it clear its not a power-grab, that you just want to be involved in an advisory capacity so you at least know what decisions are being made and why.

NotaNPC · 2019-01-15T16:59:24+00:00

Have you read the surrended wife chapter on this? Im not married yet but its how my boyfriend and I are planning on doing it. You come up with a number that includes all the things you need and want. So how much grocery is, any clothes you need that month, classes for the kids etc and then let him know. He then chose how much he can give you and the number is not set and is tailored to your marriage, you might have to change the amount weekly or maybe it wont change for months, it depends on the households need.

raoko · 2019-01-15T15:53:31+00:00

If he doesn’t trust you, write down all the necessities you need on a spreadsheet. Show him and work out something according to your sheet. Don’t try arguing with him, be reasonable as possible.

timeforstretchpants · 2019-01-15T15:52:34+00:00

Can you expound on this? You are the one doing the shopping (and bill pay?) and you have your husband transfer money into your account every time you need to pay for household things? I don't consider that an allowance, just a functioning household.

Regardless, instead of approaching this by first thinking about how much you think you should be spending, start tracking how much you actually spend per month. Use something like Mint. Once you see how much you spend, you can gage where to cut back. You aren't the one in charge of finances, so maybe your husband is already doing this.

RubyWooToo · 2019-01-15T20:17:36+00:00

Does your husband manage the finances? How is the budget managed now?

Classic_Touch · 2019-01-16T02:03:27+00:00

I can't even fathom even asking for a allowance. You are married it is both your money. Sounds like you two also need to work a budget out.

DiveBarUnicorn · 2019-01-16T02:14:48+00:00

I am allowed to spend up to a certain amount any time without question. If its over that amount i have to ask first.

Title	Allowances?
Author	HappyHowly
Upvotes	15
Comments	24
Date	January 15, 2019 3:27 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ag9m5b/allowances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/allowances.167333 https://theredarchive.com/post/167333

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