Circular dating strategy

FleetingWish · 2019-02-03T19:37:14+00:00

Except that a majority of men (especially the high value ones) don't want to be one of several men you are dating. Even in the early stages of dating they will take it as a sign that you are not too into them.

Women having tons of attention from men is a constant in the world. Men know that attractive women get hit on a lot. You don't need to play up how popular you are and how many dates you have lined up for them to know that you are attractive... They can see that by looking at you.

What makes them want to invest in you is if despite that, you are only interested in them. Men are not used to the sensation of feeling highly valued, and if you make them feel that way they will want you more.

This even goes for the class of men who are used to feeling highly valued (attractive, high status men), because those men have options. If you play the "I have a lot of dates because I'm so attractive" game they will assume you're not that into them and not waste their time on you.

The only men who will chase you are the ones who would have chased you anyway. They don't chase you because you are super popular, they chase you because you are a woman who showed some level of interest in them and that is rare for them.

That is my guess for this guy in your story. I'm willing to bet that that guy is a footnote in your love life. You saw him a couple times, and his interest in you was flattering enough that you thought it was worth mentioning. But what you don't mention was whether or not you were interested in him, and whether or not you are in a loving, amazing, relationship with this guy 2 years later. My guess is no and no.

MissNietzsche · 2019-02-03T18:47:52+00:00

I don't know. One of the best things about the start of my relationship was knowing that we only had eyes for each other. It caused me to be hopeful and very excited, and it translated very well to a fully monogamous relationship, as it set a precedent for how highly I value it and how seriously I take it. But I don't know, maybe I'm just naive.

I'm also young, so I can have that liberty. I guess if I were approaching the wall, I would be forced to be more strategic.

EDIT: I also think that guys only in it for the chase are a poor choice in the long-term, once the initial excitement wears off.

You're no longer craving the affection from that one man because you're receiving it from other men as well.

And how do you aspect a girl to magically change her mindset once she enters a relationship?

sarahharttt · 2019-02-03T19:48:45+00:00

I have to really think about this. It’s comes off rather blue pilled that puts women on the pedestal and make us the prize. I believe men should be the prize because as RPW, we agree it’s in our nature to date up and be with a man we respect.

I have no issue with anyone, men or women going on dates with different people. However, the issue comes that you went on date after date and putting that person in rotation for your own benefits only. For a man, this is obtaining sex without commitment. For women, this could be food/drinks/validation without the sex. Both are awful and time wasters.

Lastly, if you want to be a prize, be sure you know your SMV-RMV so you don’t come off as 5 acting like you’re a 10.

stripethrowaway · 2019-02-03T19:26:32+00:00

Isn't this essentially plate spinning without the sex aspect and taking advantage of dread game? TRP advises to steer clear of women who do this unless she's to be a plate and nothing else.... Not that women want to necessarily find a TRP guy, many of those men are only interested in spinning plates.... But if I was actively doing this with my captain in the beginning, he made it very clear that he would have dropped me. I was always under the impression that dread game is supposed to make a man seem like a prize to a woman. It doesn't work in the reverse unless you like beta orbiters.

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting out there and going on several dates with men to get an idea of what you like, but "putting men into a rotation" sounds really off-putting to me? Maybe I'm decisive but I generally know within 15 minutes whether I'd entertain a second date and I usually know by the second date whether or not that guy is a waste of both our time.

est-la-lune · 2019-02-03T21:58:44+00:00

There is no reason to accommodate a man who has offered you nothing beside his time. Both men and women need to prove they are valuable to each other before a relationship is established.

Let me clarify some things...

Dating = going on dates non-exclusively, not having sex.
Relationship = exclusively seeing a single person, having sex.
Men are the gatekeepers of commitment, women are the gatekeepers of sex. At the stage of dating neither of these things should be offered yet.

There is nothing inherently wrong with dating multiple people. Sex is not part of the equation at this stage, so there is no downside to circular dating unless your behavior suggests you are having sex with someone else.

As long as your behavior is classy and you don't enable sex prematurely, I doubt a man is going to assume you're sleeping with a bunch of men. (Unless he's sleeping with a bunch of women - neeeeext).

Circular dating is simply a strategy to prevent you from putting your eggs in one basket and getting emotionally invested too soon. I don't recommend dating more than 2-3 men at once. You can learn a lot from dating more than one person:

Is the other guy moving too fast or slow?
More observant of red flags.
What does each person have in common? What makes them different? Any patterns?
What are your behavior patterns?

And etc.

Just keep things RP and stop seeing people you're not that interested in/don't pass vetting.

This strategy probably won't work if you belong to a small community. For those of us in big cities, though, dating one person at a time is a huge disadvantage.

WarViper1337 · 2019-02-04T05:50:44+00:00

So this strategy is essentially reverse dread game but you should all be aware that the only thing reverse dread game is good for is finding the weakest beta male who is willing to do anything to get your attention. It also pedastalizes the woman which a high value man will not find attractive or even want to deal with because he can just go find a woman who is willing to commit to him without making him jump through a bunch of imaginary hoops.

freyalifestyle · 2019-02-03T19:47:48+00:00

I think this is how women in America dated in the 50s? Anyone know?

RubyWooToo · 2019-02-05T19:48:32+00:00

I think if you've gone out 2 or 3 dates with someone, you know whether you like him enough to consider whether you want to see if it turns into a relationship. I don't think it's necessary to keep multiple men on the backburner.

You can properly vet men and cycle out low quality men and commitment phobic men. The easiest way to properly vet men is comparing them side by side, women have a tendency to fall for works in progress but don't know what a man who is already a man is like.

I completely disagree on this point. Vetting is about exercising your best judgment before committing to someone; not hedging your bets. If you know what you're looking for and you have good judgment, the only man you need to compare your potential mate to is the ideal you have in your head.

If your judgment sucks, then all you're doing by comparing men to each other is causing confusion for yourself or judging one mediocre option against another mediocre option.

If you repeatedly find yourself falling for men who are "works in progress" the answer is Nun Mode, not dating more men.

Maybelowsmv · 2019-02-03T18:29:00+00:00

I don't understand, why is a guy who wants to marry you automatically a "beta boy"?

Liquid_Leopard · 2019-02-04T02:23:07+00:00

Just be careful, because if he gets the idea you're doing this, he (them) may ghost. You may want to tell him you're casually dating others, then again you may not...

Good, strong, happy and intelligent men don't play and won't deal with games. If he gets the idea you're waiting to text back, dating other men, being chased, and getting texts from other guys, he doesn't chase after you to win you. He walks away as most men at some point have been hurt or cheated on and this sends spidey signals something is up.

These tactics may work with younger, thirsty guys if you're attractive and have some ability to have good conversation, but established men don't have time for it.

ApplepieTurnover · 2019-02-03T22:50:53+00:00

Great post! If you have the time and energy I like this strategy a lot.

Mewster1818 · 2019-02-03T22:53:45+00:00

So you mention this primarily as a strategy for older women... I am not older so I can only imagine dating post-wall.

I'm not sure I agree with continually meeting many men at the same time. I don't think it's a big deal to have several different first dates, but if you're not eliminating men on the first date then I agree with most of the others that were I a man I would see a woman who has multiple men in the works as a giant red flag. Even as a woman if I was going on a second or third date with someone and found out they had another date scheduled with another woman that would be the end of my interaction with that person. After all if they had decided that I was worth seeing again why are they still looking at other women, to me this shows a lack of sincerity and and unwillingness to invest. It is not my job, just as it is not a man's job, to change someone's interest in investing in an LTR when they are happily playing the field.

There are men I "next"d because they were not interested in an LTR even if they were otherwise high value. I've watched many of my girlfriends get yanked around by these types and it never seems to end well. Likewise in reverse I would absolutely lose respect for a man if he was comfortable with me seeing other men, or felt it was necessary to compete for me. It might feel good short-term but to me it makes me wonder if he has any self-respect. I would feel like I had manipulated them to make myself feel good in the short term rather than build something together that benefits the long term.

If this makes you happy then by all means, do what works for you. But I just can't see this type of strategy as a good way to initiate a respect-filled, balanced LTR...

ObedientLittleWife · 2019-02-04T15:50:21+00:00

I used to do this! But when I met my husband I almost immidiatly dropped all other guys. I just knew he was it.

Title	Circular dating strategy
Author	gooeymarshmallow
Upvotes	4
Comments	60
Date	February 3, 2019 5:37 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/amrs1c/circular_dating_strategy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/circular-dating-strategy.211020 https://theredarchive.com/post/211020

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