Does mother know best?

Kara_El · 2017-02-21T01:24:46+00:00

Everyone here is going to tell you not to let a good guy go, just because you're young. It's a very Red Pill perspective. They may not be wrong, but it seems like two months is really soon to relocate for a relationship. If you were my friend or daughter, I'd consider that the red flag.

If you're wondering if your mother might have a point, you likely wouldn't suspect her of tampering with your happiness out of jealousy or spite, so keep a watchful eye. This is one of those things where only time will tell. Does he have a good social life, family life, career, financial situation? Is he really intense about your relationship, talking early on about the future, or buying you large gifts? Is every one of his ex-girlfriends "batcrap crazy" or has he experienced some healthy romantic relationships that just haven't panned out? These are the questions you need to ask and your mother likely can't answer them.

"Playing the field" could also just mean dating, not necessarily hooking up, by the way.

lackadaisicalily · 2017-02-20T21:47:52+00:00

She doesn't like the guy.

Ten years is a gap. Does he live a normal lifestyle and have a decent career?

Kurai_Sen · 2017-02-21T06:40:43+00:00

Usually since they've been alive far longer than we have, and are mostly in good long term relationships with out fathers (those of us who have a good stable home life), I would say they have a way of objectively looking at things that we might miss because we get tunnel vision. I wouldn't say do everything she says, but I'd give her a listen and talk to her about why she finds him intimidating. Maybe she sees something you don't?

Gardrothard · 2017-02-20T21:32:22+00:00

She's basically telling you to take AF/BB route.

radioactivities9 · 2017-02-20T20:48:45+00:00

He moved closer to me (he lived about two hours away) specifically to be with me and I don't regret anything in our relationship.

Sounds great to me.

Is any man ever good enough for a mother's daughter. Or do some old ladies just itch for some vicarious experience?

BanachTarskiParadox · 2017-02-21T06:25:42+00:00

Lack of sexual experience isn't likely to turn a guy off whether or not he has issues. A big gap in life experience is often a problem though, and that can be a concern when it comes to a large age gap. Did he usually only go for much younger women, or is he just not picky about age? How old are his exes? What's his relationship with them (amiable but not close is typically the ideal)? If he's got a thing about only dating young women, that'd be a problem. If he's just into you, then it's just a matter of larger age gaps sometimes happen.

Playing the field doesn't have anything to do with picking a good partner. If you work with him, you work with him.

Jayms · 2017-02-20T21:20:57+00:00

Encouraging you to play the field sounds like she is promoting promiscuity which will not benefit you. Why throw away a great boyfriend just to get more experience?

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-02-20T23:06:16+00:00

I think you should be careful because this is your first relationship. However I've never bought into the older men are always taking advantage of younger women theory. I don't think she's necessarily right in other words.

VioletNoRegard · 2017-02-20T23:39:49+00:00

I had a good boyfriend when I was your age and we broke up because it was a first relationship for us both and we wanted to see if the grass was greener. Truthfully it's really not. I do have a boyfriend I love now but it took years to find another guy I liked enough.

radioactivities9 · 2017-02-20T20:47:25+00:00

No, many mothers like to undermine their daughters

nspikeu · 2017-02-21T07:37:27+00:00

I think you are coming at this from a really mature perspective.

There is no way for us to tell you if it's the right thing without knowing every detail, even then, it's up to you in the end.

Is there anything specific besides age that she is concerned about? Any 'red flags'

It sounds like she is using her own experience to give advice, and that's ok, but she may not be right. Most mothers only want to save their daughters from the painful things they went through as young women.

The age gap is broad, and it's a commonly held view that there is something odd about that.

People worry about marrying young, before your life experience and goals and tastes are really developed, however, 'playing the field' never helped anybody. In fact the more they selfishly chase after the perfect guy to fill their needs, instead of becoming flexible to the needs of their loved one, the more miserable and co-dependent they become.

If you are both well adjusted people headed in the same direction in life, it's likely you will be just dandy.

MsSadieDunham · 2017-02-21T21:24:13+00:00

Your mom sounds like a feminist. My grandmother always have me similar advice. I've been married for almost 3 years and she still addresses mail to me with my maiden name or my maiden name-married name. And there is no hyphen, I took my husband's name.

She always encouraged me to work and date casually. Do what you want, trust your boyfriend. You probably have a better had on your shoulders than you realize.

When you're younger parents know better but truthfully as you become an adult and start forming opinions of your own, you'll know what you want out of life.

SouthernAthena · 2017-02-22T15:47:21+00:00

RP theory definitely falls in the camp of not playing the field as a woman. Most guys really aren't looking for a lot of experience in a lady, and many like to date younger. My SO is 5 years older and it's been my best match by far. I think your mom is wrong on this one. Earlier in my relationship I made the stupid mistake of listening to some older women telling me to play the field, and it's the only regret I have in life. It wasn't cheating, but I wasn't being true to myself or respecting myself.

ravelincolor · 2017-02-28T20:58:50+00:00

I. Have no idea what you are like at 19 but I know none of my girlfriends or I knew what we wanted in an LTR at 19. I think dating him is fine. But if you haven't dated many guys, I think you should get out there. This doesn't mean sex! This is just casual coffee dates. This post is interesting. I don't think your mom is promoting promiscuity.

Title	Does mother know best?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	35
Date	February 20, 2017 6:58 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5v6ett/does_mother_know_best/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/does-mother-know-best.86994 https://theredarchive.com/post/86994

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