Genuine question

girlwithabike · 2018-07-13T21:42:54+00:00

As a married woman in her mid thirties, I feel like the views presented here are the best dynamic for my relationship.

You are assuming that this is an all consuming thing because you are looking at a sub that discusses relationships. Every woman here has other interests that you don't see. Many have impressive jobs or hobbies. The fact that it seems like men are the only focus of our lives is merely selection bias.

I'm just genuinely curious, do you never feel hard done by that you're spending time and effort working to please them, and they don't seem to expend the same energy working to please you? Or do they?

The give and take of my relationship leaves me incredibly satisfied. There is less pressure on me than when I was single. I have someone who carries a lot of the burden of our lives and in return, I cook dinner. I'm honestly pretty sure I get the better end of the deal sometimes.

And sure, there are days when I get home from work and he is having downtime while I'm washing dishes, but there are times when I'm reading in the AC while he is mowing the lawn.

I really don't understand why people assume RPW means one sided. Men are good people. I wouldn't have married my husband if I didn't get some thing out of it. The companionship, the safety, the comfort are all worth a load of laundry and some dishes.

Sapphire_Jizz · 2018-07-13T21:45:21+00:00

while they're just enjoying the whole ride?

The point is to vet potential mates to find one who won't be lazy and take everything for granted while you preoccupy yourself with carrying the relationship. A quality man will be provide, protect, and lead his clan in a positive direction -- it's what they're literally designed to do. A good portion of it may go on behind the scenes, or he may not talk about it, so...

and they don't seem to expend the same energy working to please you?

... is how it may seem in your mind, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Most men bust their behind and get next to zero recognition for it, ever. And hopefully you will be one of the primary beneficiaries of those efforts and resources. And he'll want to do that for you if you're a good mate. Be careful assuming men don't do stuff.

Check out the side bar if you haven't!

zealousmedic · 2018-07-13T22:36:44+00:00

The RP philosophy reminds me to focus on how I can be a better girlfriend and person and not selfish/nagging/ungrateful. It's just about putting your best foot forward, trying to make your partner happy by letting your natural feminity flourish - by being happy, positive, caring, kind, receptive to him and letting him look after you. It is especially useful for a long term relationship. It doesn't mean you do everything for them or that you are a slave to them. It doesn't mean you get to be treated badly or that you are a doormat. In my relationship I find that what I put in I get more out of. The more effort I put in the more effort he puts into me. There may be some guys who would take advantage of that or not even notice but with a certain type of man it will ensure a successful relationship where you are both happy.

Whisper · 2018-07-14T06:57:40+00:00

What you are asking boils down to "Aren't you being taken advantage of?"

A healthy relationship is a partnership, not a power struggle. It is not a contest to see who can get more and give less.

First world western white and asian middle to upper class women are the single most privileged demographic in the history of the known universe. When you exclude tiny minorities like nobility and the idle rich, never has any subspecies of humanity given less, and gotten more for it.

And yet, is this the happiest demographic? No. Far from it. If you don't believe me, just go on facegram or instatwit or something. The internet is stuffed to the seams with unhappy women demanding that men do more, work harder, expect less, and obey their every whim... when they are not simply crying about their first world problems, or ranting about how they hate men.

You've certainly met plenty of feminists who claimed, somewhat insistently, that they were happy, but have you ever seen a feminist who actually looked and acted happy? Feminism, indeed the most radical form of feminism, feminism that demands female supremacy, has become the dominant paradigm in our culture, to the point where many men scarcely dare speak to a woman or look her in the eye.

So something clearly is off. Female power is way up, female happiness is way down. Perhaps power is not women's route to happiness.

Lilviscious · 2018-07-13T21:39:40+00:00

I can only speak for myself and my relationship with my SO (LTR of 3 years and we have lived together for 2.8 years so far, haha) when answering your question (which is an inquiry I had as well upon first visiting this reddit!).

In my relationship we focus on balance and put in our strengths, talents and preferences to get us through finances, chores and everything that life throws at you. I'm the kind of person who is independent, but also wants to please my SO. Fortunately my SO is a RP man who supports me and always thrives to compromise in case of a crisis or new development. As thus it doesn't /feel/ like he is getting the better our deal of the relationship, because to me it is quite evident how much consideration he puts into puzzling with me to create the most ideal situation. Sometimes it's a bit less fun for me and sometimes he's the one to pout a bit, but that's life.

As long as you feel like the effort you put in is evenly matched, you won't feel like keeping score at all :)

RainbowKitty77 · 2018-07-14T04:02:43+00:00

I think most of us want a man who works just as hard as we do in our relationships just in different ways.

carrotriver · 2018-07-14T00:29:02+00:00

Firstly, my man (of 6 years) gives me a LOT- just different things than what I give him.

Secondly, focusing on oneself above all else - aka selfishness- is actually a recipe for misery in the long term

subgirl182 · 2018-07-14T22:59:20+00:00

I'm married and in my 40's and my husband definitely puts more effort in than I do, that's why it's important to vet your guy properly and make sure you have a good guy who can also step up. He takes on the mental load of running our business and taking on the finances as well as taking care of car issues, boiler repairs that kind of thing. I take care of the house and kids and turn up to a job that I love without the mental load. It's very freeing and gratifying him in the bedroom, keeping the house nice, cooking his meals and giving him my respect are the best ways I can show him how much I love and appreciate him. He shows me his love by taking on all those things that stress me out too much! It's give and take x

UmbrellalikeWetness · 2018-07-17T15:17:20+00:00

"do you never worry that you're spending more of your life devoted to what men want and makes them happy, than what you want?"

Replace "men" with "children", and you'll see that this kind of statement assumes that you can only get satisfaction by doing something for yourself.

As far as "them getting the better deal"... eh, well, there's certainly a body of thought that says the deal they get is so bad that marriage (in the west) isn't worth the risks involved under any circumstances. (r/MGTOW for that angle) But even then, you're assuming a zero sum game, that is, you don't want to do X if someone else involved in X is getting (the amount of benefit you get times 1.5). It's like if I said, hey, I'll give you $100, but if you accept, I'm going to give your friend $200. Instead of being happy you got ONE HUNDRED FREE DOLLARS you're upset someone else got more. (This is setting aside that in this particular discussion "that someone else gets more" is not proven.)

Title	Genuine question
Author	wherethew1ldth1ngsr
Upvotes	11
Comments	48
Date	July 13, 2018 9:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8ynyl2/genuine_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/genuine-question.67460 https://theredarchive.com/post/67460

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