Guy Talk

RainbowKitty77 · 2018-03-12T19:31:06+00:00

Blaming stuff on you is weird imo. The sexy stuff is pretty common.

lespetiteschoses · 2018-03-12T22:28:27+00:00

Like other posters have said, the sex talk is uncomfortable but I don't think it's a sign of something seriously wrong. I would also find it disrespectful if my husband spoke like that, and I would probably ask him gently why he does it, and let him know that it's hurtful.

The lies about wanting to settle down are far weirder in my opinion. I could see it coming from a guy in his early 20s, but at 35 it reeks of insecurity. I don't doubt that he wants those things, but it sounds like he's supplicating to his friends in an effort to look cool. Not an attractive trait.

NewMindRedPill · 2018-03-13T15:03:54+00:00

He made comments about mutual coworkers being sexy to his buddy?

Thus this buddy is a coworker of his as well. This isn't very professional and seems a bit childish. I can't even imagine my boyfriend doing that because he is so focused on advancing upwards in the company that he wouldn't ever do anything that was below professionalism or that would give him a negative reputation. Now if he talks amongst his friends I would never know but even then I think he wouldn't.

However, it is a pretty common thing but the fact that the conversation is one sided is a bit off. It isn't like his friend is childish and egging him on but rather HE is the childish one egging his friend on. While his friend seems to just want to remain professional regarding other people.

Also the fact that he lied about you wanting the house rather than the other way around also seems childish. Its like he is using you as an excuse to grow up or something. I can't imagine that is even a negative thing to want?? My bf was so excited to buy a house and to create a home with me.

Idk I honestly wouldn't date a guy like that (esp. lying about something as simple as the house and settling down) because he just seems childish and not ready to grow up. He is too concerned what other people think of him and wants to appear not attached.

loneliness-inc · 2018-03-12T21:10:47+00:00

Men don't speak about women the way women speak about men. Men express their raw animalistic desire for the women in question, women need to know all the nitty gritty gossip. The latter is way more destructive than the former. If you can internalize this, you'll be much more at ease.

It might be helpful to read the most beautiful woman in the world.

Even if he's with you for many years, he'll still find other women sexually appealing. He may even find them more sexually appealing than you, but this doesn't mean he'll act on those feelings nor does it mean that he wants to part ways with you. Hypergamy is female nature, not male nature.

Try to control his sexual thoughts and guy talk and trouble will come your way. Nothing good can come from this. It isn't the other woman who will cause him to leave you, it's your insecurities and controlling behavior (if you start controlling him) that will cause him to be unhappy with you and potentially leave you.

VeeGeeTea · 2018-03-12T19:48:26+00:00

Guys talk big when around one another. None are willing to lose face value when around another, it's an ego thing. If a guy does not appear to be a manly man with other guys then he will lose his place of dominance.

jrdn-mnly · 2018-03-12T22:44:34+00:00

Ideally, a guy would not talk like this while in a relationship, in fact ideally a guy would never talk like this. As many people have said, this type of talk is extremely common among men, when no women are present.

It’s strange and concerning to me that your boyfriend would speak like this in front of you. It seems that he is either somewhat socially inept (not realizing how his words affect you) or he is trying to manipulate you in some way. Both are problematic.

I would kindly confront him privately and let him know how his words affect your feelings. His response should give you enough information to discern whether he using this language naively or using it to get a certain reaction from you.

Based on other information you provided, I suspect it’s the latter but couldn’t say for sure.

I would never tolerate a partner saying things like this in front of me. I would be extremely non-plussed to find out they were saying this kind of thing when I wasn’t around however I agree with several others who point out that men easily get carried away and say lots of things they would never act on.

MissNietzsche · 2018-03-12T20:00:53+00:00

I'm a point in my life where I'm not distracted by novelty and I'm not interested in the men that hit on me when I'm out

I was unaware the opposite was a prior point in females' lives.

I believe I have the best prize at home

I'm of the opinion that this is false. One, he's not a prize. Two, he's not the best. Three, he's not the best you can get. And four, the best is an impossibility anyway. Conversely, you're not the best for him either. If this is idea is what keeps you committed, you'll eventually be dissatisfied when you mean someone better than him in the future.

But to answer your question, I think those comments are immature, and I would not tolerate them from a partner. Saying someone else is attractive is perfectly acceptable, but saying that a guy must be lucky to be with someone else is crossing the line. I'd just voice my concerns, if I were you. Ask him if it would be okay if you started saying those things. If the answer is yes, well, I guess it becomes more complicated and the answer to your question is situational. If the answer is no, he must change as to not be hypocritical.

lunatic_in_the_hall · 2018-03-13T02:45:10+00:00

I over heard him telling the same friend that Im desperate to settle down because I suggested we buy a house together. But I didn't say any of that. He was the one that suggested and pushed the idea to buy a house together, not me.

If he's making comments like that, it sounds like he's the one who's a little insecure about his lifestyle choices. Are people around him pushing him in a different direction, or making him feel ashamed for wanting to settle down with you? I somehow doubt that it has anything to do with you, and that he's mostly feeling insecure about how others see him. He may feel like settling down is a sign of submission or "losing his man-card," if that's the correct expression. He's trying to signal to other men that he's still a man, hence the "guy talk."

It's a natural reaction of someone who is self-aware and compassionate to assume you did something wrong; but from what I see, I don't think you're the problem. I would definitely talk to him about it. Ask an open question, don't accuse him of anything. Encourage him to communicate with you, though it might be difficult for him to admit his insecurities. And definitely tell him how you feel; there's a chance he doesn't realize his comments are hurtful. It's really important to let him know that it's affecting you.

I might be totally off the mark, but that's my opinion.

ragnarockette · 2018-03-13T14:40:38+00:00

He seems immature. My husband is a successful, masculine man, and in the 4 years we have been together I can count on one hand the number of times he has referred to another woman as pretty/beautiful/sexy. And it has never been about someone we know personally - only celebrities.

Of course I know he finds women attractive, watches porn, even flirts with other women, but he’s tactful enough not to say those things in front of me. That wouldn’t be a dealbreaker, but it seems like he is deliberately doing that as a “cool girl test” for you.

notcheeto · 2018-03-13T05:43:58+00:00

It sounds like he is gaslighting you and cornering you into questioning/guessing how he actual feels or what his goals actually are. It sounds like you could try to have a convo to level everything and just check in to make sure you guys still have similar goals for your relationship. It sucks to have someone manipulate you into questioning your own judgements and reality. goodluck! <3

BewareTheOldMan · 2018-03-13T15:34:49+00:00

...so the important thing to consider is how he speaks of you to others. I'll use myself as an example.

My SO is about 12 years younger, is nice-looking, has a nice feminine shape, very classy, elegant, sophisticated, hard-working, intelligent, very responsible, very feminine, highly compatible with me, etc...and is easily capable of getting interest from other men, but instead prefers a relationship with me versus shopping around.

The quality relationship I have with her is not easy to find by moving around to different men - instead focusing her energy and effort on our relationship. I won't bore you with more details, but sum it by saying "Best Relationship Ever" for her and I both.

She sees me in much the same way I view her - except in the masculine aspect. She is aware I attract interest from other women, but have no desire to act on any invitation to spread myself around.

She's such a great woman that I would be foolish to act out with other women - whether I have attraction or not. I admit that being older keeps me focused in her direction. Anyone and everyone who knows me knows about her and the high respect and regard for our relationship. I won't jeopardize that for anyone.

If he speaks of you in this way everything else is just locker-room talk. Even if I note another pretty woman when making small chat with other men, I almost always follow by highlighting my SO. Other guys pick up on this and it normally generates questions that might be helpful to their relationships.

In short - does he work you into conversation(s)?

On the house thing...I don't know of too many men interested in buying homes for women they are not married to just yet - it's a huge investment.

It's one of the disadvantages of living together...almost like dangling a carrot. That's the part I don't like - either you guys are married or not - not kind of, sort of, or possibly someday you'll be my wife and the mother of my kids type-thing.

plein_old · 2018-03-12T23:49:43+00:00

Small lies can lead to bigger lies. You might try to find a way to ask him about it, ideally without making him feel attacked about it.

One of the reason a person lies is because he feels insecure or under attack, so asking someone about it in a hostile way could lead to more and more lying.

The "guy talk"... how do you know about this talk? Does he do it in front of you? Does he do it in a playful way to tease you? Is he deadly serious about it, does he feel his life would be beyond perfect if he could just get into this other woman's pants? It's hard to know what to say here without a bit more detail.

ill_silent_lasagna · 2018-03-15T16:59:57+00:00

I over heard him telling the same friend that Im desperate to settle down because I suggested we buy a house together. But I didn't say any of that.

That's kind of weird. Unless he was saying it in a joking way? In which case it's still kind of weird, but less so.

Also, if he's saying other girls are sexy etc. around you, tell him you don't like it! C'mon now, communicate

tylers_bum · 2018-03-12T19:26:33+00:00

As a guy, I honestly wouldn't be concerned. I've done a lot of the same stuff as what he has done mostly for show. I'll think back to it later, or even right after I've said it, and wonder "Why did I say that? I didn't mean that." But that's just kinda how guys talk when they're all together.

And as far as the settling down thing, I know it's something I've done as well and my dad does it too. It just throws the "non-masculine" event onto somebody else's shoulders so us guys can try to seem cooler around our bros.

I wouldn't put too much thought into this. If it really does bother you, then you should talk to him about it. If a girl brought it up to me I would definitely try working on it.

Muchadoaboutcass · 2018-03-13T01:53:59+00:00

How do you know he’s saying this stuff? Is it right in front of you?

Rian_Stone · 2018-03-12T20:17:36+00:00

sounds like he is setting the tone among his group.

Would you rather be with the guy who laughs at everyones jokes to fit in?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-03-13T16:00:32+00:00

I think you should probably bring up the stuff about him blaming the house purchasing idea on you. Especially if you were present while he was saying it. There's no reason he should pin things like this on you.

I think he is phrasing his desire a little differently than most committed men would, but it sounds to me like you're reading his text messages or something? He's not saying this in your presence is what I'm getting from this, and that's normal. If he's saying that men would be lucky to be with a girl TO you, then that's different and disrespectful.

Men and women are very different. Because of biology, women find one man and stick to that one man, because you can only have children with one man at a time. And having children requires you to be taken care of, so it is a survival instinct to be attracted to one single man at a time who you view meets your baseline genetic standards, and can take care of you during your period of extended vulnerability (pregnancy/early childhood). Women are also more suited to raise children through early childhood simply because you can facilitate life through breastfeeding, so your instinctual desire to care for children is generally stronger than a man's. But this just extends the time period of vulnerability.

For men, this is not the case. Human men are not designed for monogamy. Men are genetically programmed to have children with as many women as possible from a purely biological instinct perspective. So historically up until relatively recent history, men would have as many wives as their income could support, not as many wives as they fell in love with.

This is not saying men are incapable of love, this is just saying sexual desire and love are entirely different feelings for men. His sexual desires should not worry you, because if he loves you and you treat him well he won't act on those desires.

theoppositeopinion1 · 2018-03-13T21:59:35+00:00

I over heard him telling the same friend that Im desperate to settle down because I suggested we buy a house together

I think a lot of other commenters have this wrong. He sounds a little insecure, but I think this is his way of feeling out his friends' opinions on buying a house with you. If he says "Yea, she seems like she wants to settle down right away and get a house with me" and his buddy replies "that doesn't seem so bad" then he has vetted the idea with some confidents. If the buddy replies "woah dude, harsh! that would be awful!" then the idea is kind of nixed. Do you know how his buddy replied?

I have several buddies who are a little insecure, but still want my opinions on their life choices. They ask in round-about ways like this. Things like "aw man, I have to wear a suit to this event" i'll reply "I don't mind wearing a suit. People seem to give you more respect. I bet you'd look good in a suit, just don't tie the tie too tight" they will then be beaming with pride going to the event in their best suit, or even go out and buy a new suit.

it's just sometimes how somewhat insecure guys ask others about their feelings. They'd NEVER say "I'm thinking about moving in with /u/whitegirlproblems99, how do you feeeeeel about that?" it just isn't how they talk.

Title	Guy Talk
Author	whitegirlproblems99
Upvotes	19
Comments	42
Date	March 12, 2018 6:57 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/83xhah/guy_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/guy-talk.74409 https://theredarchive.com/post/74409

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