Has anyone here gotten someone to wait for marriage for them while having a high body count?

ArdentBandicoot · 2024-10-02T13:20:13+00:00

Anyone who responds to this thread with any variation of the following will be removed & either temp banned or permanently banned for Rule 4/Rule 10:

men are immoral for judging a woman based on N count
men are low value for judging a woman based on N count
men are not "allowed" (?) to judge a woman, disqualify her from a relationship, or break up with her based on N count

Please review the wiki section on N count and you for the full RPW stance on this nuanced issue.

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-10-01T00:29:53+00:00

Sorry I’m ignoring your request to only comment if this applies to you. But Search “matching luggage” on this sub. It’s good advice for women who have a colourful past

TheBunk_TB · 2024-10-01T15:16:50+00:00

Applies to? Somewhat.

I grew up in the faith. Some of the concerns of the "born again" set is that:

(1) A woman won't have a "want" left in her. No appetite for "fun"

(2) "Why should I wait when no one else did?"

(3) Your judgment hasn't been the best. You may need more time to show a pattern of stability before taking your word for it

Your end?

Show men (and their communities) that you aren't carrying around baggage. Get help. Work on you and take the faith seriously. Get help before you get married and pardon the expression, "clam up".

cohost3 · 2024-10-01T01:57:40+00:00

A lot of coping going on in the comments. Reality is that it is going to be very hard to find someone who will go along with this situation.

You’re best bet would be to find someone who is in a similar situation. Look for a born again religious man who also has a past.

czfreak · 2024-10-01T00:14:07+00:00

If you're looking for a man of any value, that's going to be tough. The genie is out of the bottle, so you aren't actually saving anything for him. He's just getting a shitty deal compared to all the other guys before him.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-10-02T12:33:09+00:00

not including online sex, etc

Well, the bit of good news that I have for you is guys don’t count it that way. Unless it’s PIV, it isn’t sex.

I want to become religious and wait until marriage.

So usually people wait until they have already become religious. Accordingly, I’m a bit curious as to what is driving this.

I was wondering where I could find a man who would accept me and wait for me

Wherever simps hang out, because that’s who’s going to wait. So churches, corporate IT departments, etc.

The difficulty that you are going to run into is that your desire for a guy who is going to wait is going to run up against your hypergamy. Guys with options tend not to wait, so if one woman won’t have sex with them, they find the option(s) who will.

I’m really only interested in hearing from women who this applies to.

So you really just want your opinion validated. Check.

coca-cola-version · 2024-10-01T01:14:08+00:00

I’m in the flipped position - my man has a VERY high body count while I do not, but he is more than happy to wait until marriage for me. Either way, once a man decides you’re the one, I think they’re down for just about whatever it takes. It’s more about who they are/how they value your relationship than your past.

Key_Hunter4064 · 2024-10-02T14:08:40+00:00

as a religious man, I'd say ya best bet would be;

Find a born again Christian men with similar past to yours. (I feel like this would be your best option as both of you would understand each other more. plus he'll be more "forgiving" of your past.
Find a super religious guy, however you'd also have to be super religious. (Warning: as someone who grew up in church, this type of guy either is afraid of his sexuality, low libido, abusive or a " Beta" nice guy). it's very rare you'd find an successful attractive confidant christian man who's waiting for marriage.
you'd have to go for guys way below your league. this can work but you will have learn to respect him and hope attraction builds overtime.

I see a lot of " coping comments" in the comments section but I understand as this is a women's sub. when it comes to the matter of salvation, our pasts doesn't matter to the lord, but it does Matter to our husbands/wives. Our "Sins" can be forgiven but that doesn't mean we won't face any "earthly" consequences for our actions. I'm saying this as a born again Christian as well. God's Mercy and Grace is not a "Get out of jail" free card. the journey will be tough. we shouldn't lie to our fellow believers.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-10-01T00:17:37+00:00

I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband, though I was very inexperienced. He waited eight months and has told me more than once that he wouldn't have asked for a number, had I not brought it up. We were 27 and 30. I feel like, once you get to that age, a lot of people just don't want details.

I think you should start with finding someone deeply religious, who knows you have a past and is willing to accept that. That's going to narrow your pool quite a bit, while giving you the best chance for a man who will wait until marriage.

daisy_chains87 · 2024-10-01T00:27:29+00:00

Hi! Catholic (very traditional) here, My experience was different to yours but I think still relevant. I was raised religious but went a bit AWOL during teens/20s. I wasn't promiscuous but did party a lot. I reverted back to being religious in late 20s and came to a much much better understanding of self-value and forgiveness. As women, we should view ourselves as the daughters of the greatest king and have a great worth from that. We bring a unique feminine energy which co.pliments men, civilising them and inspiring them to be greater versions of themselves. Our empathy, creativity and vision for a connected, meaningful life are the backbones of a flourishing society. This is what makes us valuable life partners not having 'been pure'. Repenting and confessing means our sins are gone. God forgets them completely so it's not right to keep being guilty or to expect someone to hold it over us. A godly man will not care. All that matters is the vision for a good, traditional, beauty life that you want to build NOW. If you have that vision and have become a caring, feminine woman with a high self confidence, that is GOLD to a good man, he will literally die for you. Your past doesn't matter and in fact can make you wiser, more empathetic and more convicted of the truth of a conservative way of life as you have experienced that another way doesn't bring the happiness that it falsely promises to. Blessings!

Beachdog1234 · 2024-10-01T05:05:48+00:00

Need to understand why high body count matters. Three main reasons. First, having a high body count is a key indicator that the person has limited or no real relationship experience. By waiting, it forces couples to build a relationship before sex becomes a driving factor. Having failed, non-consummated relationships allows couples to learn about what hey contribute and want in a parter. It provides clarity and real relationship experience. Second, having a high body count prevents pair-bonding. Pair bonding is real. It’s scientifically proven. It’s biochemical. Repeated, dopamine driven sex inhibits a persons ability to create the experience necessary to connect through heightened oxytocin driven intimacy. Third, you have an inflated understanding of who you are able to have a relationship with. As an example, 90% of guys out there may have sex with you, while only 20% would consider a relationship. Therefore, you incorrectly think you could have anyone based on sex alone.

Being blunt. What you may need to experience is having a couple relationships where you wait and the relationships fail.

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-10-01T01:20:35+00:00

I’ve never had a man ask about my body count, and frankly wouldn’t date someone who did. I think this is mostly a chronically online narrative of this being something commonly asked while dating.

Regardless of your body count, the odds of finding a man willing to wait for marriage at all is pretty low in general in today’s day and age. So yes, you’d be limiting yourself to an even further subset of those men. But remember, quality over quantity, always. If this is something you feel strongly about, you should wait for someone who respects that and understands your perspective on this. Your morals should dictate your dating choices, not vice versa. Beyond that, just because men FEEL entitled to something, doesn’t mean they actually ARE entitled to something (your body). Coming from someone who doesn’t personally choose to wait to have sex, I would still never actually have sex with someone who felt entitled to it just because we’d been dating for x length of time, or because it not a virgin, etc.

Anecdotally I actually know two women who slept around early on, converted to Christianity in our early 20s and subsequently were celibate until marriage. Their husbands never asked about their past - one of my friends voluntarily told her now-husband about her past as part of the initial conversation about waiting until marriage, and he said he very much respected that she chose to make a change and wait. It was one of the first things that really brought them closer together.

Kind_Entertainment_6 · 2024-09-30T23:59:52+00:00

I do not fully understand this narrative. You become unworthy when you think you are unfit, which becomes the energy you give off. No one honestly needs to know your body count; forgive yourself if you regret them, and accept yourself if you do not regret it but are worried about finding a forever life mate. Trust me; a man who has discovered his wife will be grateful to find his wife! He who finds his wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord. Additionally, if this becomes a big deal for him, is this the man for you? And I also want to let you know that once again, you do not owe ANYONE this truth, only you and the Lord, that’s it. Bless you

shitpresidente · 2024-10-01T00:58:29+00:00

In Islam, you repent between you and God. No one needs to know your past. Judgement is a sin. Just focus on yourself and good things will come.

nutterbutter92 · 2024-10-01T00:10:18+00:00

Your sexual history is nobody's business except your own. I don't even think it's worth bringing up the count, which is relative anyway. You are entitled to be whoever you want to be, any day!

Also to add to this, you would want someone who values the same self-growth and empathy, so if it bothers him he ain't the right one since his core priorities are different.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-30T23:34:41+00:00

Title: Has anyone here gotten someone to wait for marriage for them while having a high body count?

Author MathematicianMean273

Full text: I (26F) have a high body count of 13, (not including online sex, etc,) and I want to become religious and wait until marriage.

I was wondering where I could find a man who would accept me and wait for me and if any other women who are in my position have had any luck

Please comment on this post if this applies to you. I’m really only interested in hearing from women who this applies to.

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gildedbutterflyx · 2024-10-02T12:08:12+00:00

He does not need to know you body count if you don’t want to share it. What happened to the famous line “A lady doesn’t kiss & tell?”. I don’t see any benefit of the guy know the ‘number of guys you have slept with.’ Counting the guys as a number is gross and disgusting and inhumane and it’s a toxic trend of today’s society!!! 2 people sleeping together is supposed to be an intimate and special experience that is not to be shared. So, it is in fact, none of his business. And if he asks, tell him: “A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.”

tornteddie · 2024-10-01T17:33:18+00:00

I am in this exact scenario. We just recently decided to start abstaining 2 years into the relationship. Waiting till marriage together now. For context we are both religious and i just recently got back into it and was atheist for a long time. So now i want to abstain until marriage and he agreed. So far its actually rly improved our relationship and made things more fun and brought back a better connection! Going out to lunch in a few minutes actually.

Ppl act like its crazy hard to find a man with nuance in his outlook on life. Be honest with him, own up to it, take accountability. Make it clear that that is not who you are today. Personally when i was doing all that stuff i was atheist and feminist. I am so much happier now, not being a feminist, and back into christianity. Were in a unique position i guess bc he got to watch me change so drastically over the past 2 years.

Eta: btw we are 19 hence the not being married yet after a couple years together. We do live together though and sleep together, but dont change clothes in front of one another and do not have any form of sex. Also he doesnt know my exact body count but he is aware ive had sex with men before him.

Sure-Star4318 · 2024-10-01T01:31:40+00:00

No one is entitled to your body, all you can do is be honest and allow your potential partner to make an informed decision for themselves. In many religions when you recommit/revert/accept enlightenment. Your past is supposed to become irrelevant and you are supposed to be essentially given a clean slate without being judged on your past. So with that being said technically your sexual history shouldn’t matter aside from being clean.

Title	Has anyone here gotten someone to wait for marriage for them while having a high body count?
Author	MathematicianMean273
Upvotes	0
Comments	57
Date	September 30, 2024 11:34 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fta0u8/has_anyone_here_gotten_someone_to_wait_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/has-anyone-here-gotten-someone-to-wait-for.1531765 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531765

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