Have you ever made the first move?

win_chelchel895 · 2017-09-17T03:03:03+00:00

The only times I made a first move, it never worked out. Whenever I let the guy make the first active steps, it turned out well.

There's a quote from He's Just Not That Into You that I've found to be true, and have found success when applying it to dating life.

"When a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen"

I have a couple girlfriends that even though their current boyfriends were more shy or passive, they still actively pursued the girls despite that not always being their MO.

lidlredridinghood · 2017-09-16T22:59:11+00:00

I did when i was bp... thought it was only fair.

The relationships were never satisfactory, and i generally approached gender queer types... was better than not getting laid, but not what i wanted.

AgathaMysterie · 2017-09-16T23:47:10+00:00

I messaged my now husband of 5 years on OKCupid first. Ha ha!

It was kind of my only option, because I couldn't have been sure he would ever have seen my profile. But I did wait until he asked to meet in person!

Shaela90 · 2017-09-16T19:02:46+00:00

Depends on what you have in mind as a first move.I have two stories to share, in which the guys were somewhat similar:

The first time, I waited for the guy to make the first move(being too shy and young to actually put myself out there) although I made it obvious for him that I'm interested. He seemed interested as well and I waited..and waited, and waited for a full 2 years. I thought to myself that only if I were prettier or more sociable or more <insert X quality here> and I could SHOW him that...he'd finally decide. He didn't. It was tough, it messed a lot with my self esteem. It's been 8 years since then and he'll still flirt with me on the rare occasion we bump into each other. LOL.

Then, sometime after I'd recovered from the first situation, I made the first move on someone else and it was a blast in the beginning. Guy was over the moon and I was too...for as long as I kept my high spirits. He didn't leave at the first sign of trouble but eventually, during a lower point in my personal life, I began wondering if we would have ever been together hadn't I planned it all. During that time, I also noticed I ended planning everything else regarding the relationship, to the point of exhaustion, and he'd only have to exercise his right to veto to dismiss all my careful planning. I began to ask myself if he would still be there next to me if I didn't turn the friendly conversations into something more deep and personal? It all went downhill pretty fast from there. I had a rough time at work, I began feeling more and more insecure and he withdrew even more, which in turn made me feel even more insecure, my performance at work dwindled even more and two months from there I was in shambles. Desperate, depressed, annoyed, couldn't focus and on top of it all, I had to find the courage to call it quits. He told me he was never actually looking for anything too deep. It was a hard lesson, however I now knew how the first scenario would have played out and that realization helped me get over both ...for good.

The question to ask yourself is this: I can make the first move now and make it work by sheer force of will. But what happens when that force of will is inevitably diminished by life events? What will happen if I go through a rough patch and can't keep my high spirits anymore? What will happen when I'm pregnant or a new mother and life will get tough? You want someone who can stick with you through better or worse and that someone, in my opinion, is a guy who's ACTIVE in his desire to get to know you, who's determined and likes you so much he can't help himself but ACT.

In my opinion, even the shyest, most aloof guy will pursue something/someone he likes RELENTLESSLY. If he pursues other things/passions with interest but does not pursue you ... well, you know where you stand on his list of priorities. And if you stand so low in the beginning, how low do you think you'll end up once the novelty wears off and life bears its ugly teeth?

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-09-17T07:52:12+00:00

I have made the first move a few times and it has always ended badly. I just came off as desperate and too available. I really found that men like women they can slowly "earn" her respect.

honeyfern · 2017-09-16T23:35:42+00:00

I did!

My boyfriend was not interested in dating anyone since we were in school. The university was in my hometown so I offered to show him around. We hung out for maybe 6 hours and I invited him for dinner at my place. Before heading out I turned and kissed him.

He was surprised but returned it with an even better kiss and we've been glued together ever since! Talking marriage now. As far as I know he loves that I made he first move. He said he probably would have friend zoned me and missed out on something amazing.

rivertorain · 2017-09-17T06:41:29+00:00

The only time I did this, it eventuated with me being a lot more interested in the guy than him in me. Now I always wait for the guy to initiate.

carefreevermillion · 2017-09-17T23:33:18+00:00

I've made the first move with most of the guys I've dated because in this day and age, too many young men are scared of coming off as "creepy" or "rape-y", and I was under the blue pill influence at the time so it seemed pretty natural.

It seems to have worked out for me with my SO because he has always liked my dogged determination to get what I want - we've discussed and he loves that it's applied to our relationship and future together.

LeftAndRed · 2017-09-17T17:24:59+00:00

My current LTR made the first move. She's pretty proud of herself over it. It's cute. She's happy. She went from dating dudes who were 5's to me by being bold.

She stood out to me as someone whom might have more to offer than other women which made me curious. Turns out she does. Her RMV is off the charts and her life skill set complements areas I have struggled to master.

TheWorldToCome · 2017-09-17T02:55:03+00:00

My GF messaged me first online, after being red pilled about how many options women have at all times, there's no chance I would ever date a woman that didn't make the first move. I have to know that she is actually interested in me enough to go after me, rather than me just being one of her 1,000 options that she settled for.

loneliness-inc · 2017-09-17T12:20:18+00:00

It seems like women get approached less in this day of age

This is because women as a collective have been punishing men for daring to approach (then whining - where have all the good men gone!).

All the talk about not needing men (and in some cases, not wanting men), the portrayal of men as bumbling idiots, all the talk about consent, blaming men for all rapes, false rape accusations, divorce courts, child custody, alimony and more have made the modern woman an unapproachable shrew where the risks far outweigh the benefits. Many men simply won't take the risk unless they're really blinded strong or if they think the benefits outweigh the risks with you.

This is reality today. If you think you're a unicorn, you need to convince him that you are.

A woman asking out a man is a big turnoff for many men. Some will go out with you anyway, but it's a turnoff generally speaking. A more feminine approach is to display receptivity to him. Tell him in a nonverbal manner that it's safe to approach. Later, encourage approach in a nonverbal manner. This is the way women always did it because it works.

googler72 · 2017-09-17T20:40:28+00:00

Hmmm. It was some give and take. I approached him first (he was a stranger working as a cashier at our college cafeteria). He half-heartedly said "we should hang out some time" and I was the one who suggested he take my phone number. After that, it was 100% him who initiated everything... our second date, third date, etc. I never hinted or suggested that I wanted to get married. He brought it up and he was the one to propose without any pressure from me. For reference, I don't think my husband has a higher SMV. We're both high SMV.

He did mention that I kind of treated him like shit and if it hadn't been for that he would have thought I was desperate for approaching him. I wore sweatpants to our first date (in my defense, he asked me out on short notice and I was an engineering major; I barely had time to go on a date, let alone dress up). I made it seem like a hassle every time he showed up at my dorm with food (again, I was an engineering major and didn't have time for such intense, serious dating). He also mentioned he was surprised/offended when he told me he "wasn't looking for a relationship" and I eagerly said "great, me either".

Anyways, basically, in his opinion, if I hadn't been a bit of a bitch on our dates after the first one, he would have thought based on me aggressively approaching him that I was desperate.

beautifulbarbarian · 2017-09-17T23:48:01+00:00

What's the definition of the first move? In my current relationship, I acted interested in him first. I started a few conversations with him (we knew each other through school and friends). I also invited him to events our mutual friends put together. But I invited a lot of other people too so it wasn't totally out of the ordinary. I think at some point he picked up on the fact that I might be interested. After that he went out of his way to talk to me and spend time with me, especially one on one, and eventually asked me out on a date. After a few weeks of going on dates and talking daily, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Would that count as me making the first move? Or him making the first move? To me, that feels fine because he did most of the work. But this question did get me thinking. If you show your interest first, how do you know if they chose you for you or just because you seemed interested?

jetpuffedpanda · 2017-09-20T03:57:51+00:00

Yeah and now I'm married.

Rivkariver · 2017-09-24T16:39:26+00:00

There's a middle ground. Don't literally ask him out, but encourage him a lot that you would accept a date. I did that and I have a really decent guy now. I read in an older book from the 50s or so that it's even cool to say "if you ask me out, I'll say yes."

Title	Have you ever made the first move?
Author	ThrowingTTK
Upvotes	11
Comments	39
Date	September 16, 2017 6:31 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/70iiz7/have_you_ever_made_the_first_move/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/have-you-ever-made-the-first-move.73435 https://theredarchive.com/post/73435

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