High body count - am I cooked?

pinjooo · 2024-10-31T08:11:31+00:00

Deal with the anger issues and low self-esteem, that is more important than a bodycount imo.

SmamelessMe · 2024-10-31T13:14:58+00:00

It looks like Reddit ate my previous comment. So in case this appears as re-post, my apologies.

There are four issues, to address.

First issue is you lying to your partner. As much as lying is not great start to a relationship, he seems to have accepted the fact you have done it due to your insecurity. While that is not an excuse, he seems perfectly capable of understanding that humans are imperfect creatures, and not dwell on this mistake. Don't take me wrong. He won't forget it, and will observe whether that was a one-off or not. But there is no indication in your post that would suggest he is actually dwelling on it.

The second issue is your sexual history. Pretending sexual history is not important would be unhelpful. Yet, at the same time, most men are not YouTube podcasters looking to dunk on women for outrage, clicks & views. It is one of, but not the sole defining, characteristic of a potential partner. No sane man expects his partner to be pure virgin, outside orthodox religious context. Given that your partner has not left you despite your lies about it, makes it seem that it wasn't a deal breaker for him.

This perhaps may not be enough enough to set your mind at ease about it. That is something you will need to do emotional labor on internally. But hopefully it will at least help you to not needlessly fret about what he thinks.

The third issue is your lack of self esteem. The only person who can judge whether you're giving your partner "what they want", as you said it, are them. And the onus on communicating their dissatisfaction is also on them.

Is you partner actually communicating any kind of dissatisfaction with what "you're giving" them? Or is this something you assume and don't communicate? Or worse, assume and proactively get angry at them?

Your description of this issue is regrettably vague, so I will not speculate. But unless your partner is actively communicating relationship pain points, then your perceived failures may be entirely anxiety about losing them. Which can prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This is another example of emotional labor you will need to do internally. Nobody else can convince you that you are a good partner, but you. But once again, hopefully, at least this will give you the ability not to transfer your anxiety into your behavior towards your partner.

The biggest problem I see are the anger issues you've described. While having emotions is human and OK. Being controlled by emotions is not. And coincidentally, humans have realized this for a very, very long time. So this is actually not even a TRP topic. Anger management is mainstream self-development and therapy concept. So a short sear for "Anger management techniques" on YouTube is bound to yield better results, than any comment here possibly could.

That being said, just so I don't send you away to go Google, here is what worked for me. As someone who worked in customer care: I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. That means, if I justifiably presume I am not dealing with someone who intends to hurt or abuse me. Then the first conclusion about action or words I don't like, shouldn't be to find all the possible ways it could be interpreted negatively.

A great tool for that is to use Cognitive Behaviour Therapy technique to condition yourself to take 10 breaths every time you feel negative emotion coming up. Not only does controlled breathing biologically calm you down, but it also gives you mind a chance to catch-up, and look for all the possible interpretations the emotion-inducing event.

Whatever you do, don't take this as more indication for your mind, just how "bad of a partner" you are. Because you're not. Just the mere fact you are aware of the friction, and are intending to work on resolving it, means you are handling the situation as responsible adult. That is a sign of a good partner.

Dazzling_Shoulder_69 · 2024-10-31T08:29:37+00:00

Your anger issues and insecurity are the main problems not your body count . In redpill , high body count is seen a problem only because generally, women with high body counts tend to have bad experiences with men and hate men . If you become more calm and secure with yourself, your body count will not be a problem .

throwawaytalks25 · 2024-10-31T13:11:06+00:00

The lying and not being able communicate when you see frustrated will be far greater factors. I struggle with anger too, but its a daily battle and I am in therapy to help address it.

MoreThanPurple · 2024-10-31T19:13:19+00:00

We shouldn’t have to say this but reminder of the rules for male participation. If you are a single guy who knows nothing about red pill theory coming here to kick OP while she is down, you will be banned no questions asked. In fact threads like this are very helpful for us to clean our house!

tornteddie · 2024-10-31T11:12:05+00:00

Why do you get angry with him? Something i keep seeing in this sub is girls leaning so hard into submission they cant see when a man is mistreating them. If he constantly makes you angry, maybe thats something to really think about.

Other than that, i would just stop taking online red pill content as the end all be all. The world is nuanced, and adults are aware of that. I was promiscuous when i was younger because, shocker, i was young! Im not gonna blame myself for the decisions i made then, with the information i had at the time. It is what it is. And even with that, i have an amazing boyfriend who i hope to be married to in the near future. I couldnt ask for more. You can make mistakes and still get the world from a man who loves you because we all make mistakes. Your life isnt over because your lifestyle was different when you were younger.

dressedlikeadaydream · 2024-10-31T13:09:54+00:00

A good question for you both is why do you care about the high body count? You should, but for the right reasons. As others have pointed out, promiscuity goes hand-in-hand with other undesirable qualities (low self-esteem, insecurity, etc.) and so that's really what you should be working on. Coming to an understanding of the destructive reasons behind promiscuity and the benefits of chastity may be a better way to approach this. Finally, I'd caution that a "redpill man" does not equal a high value one. Focus on qualities (traditional, disciplined, protective) rather than philosophies. This applies to yourself too.

Trick-Consequence-18 · 2024-10-31T17:28:30+00:00

Hi, you are so young and you have so much opportunity with or without this guy.

Yes you shouldn’t have lied. But also, I personally am very against dating anyone who would ask about body count. I’ve never asked and I’ve never been asked. I wouldn’t date someone who asked. Something to consider if this guy doesn’t turn out to be the one.

What you can work on now is: rebuilding trust with him. This has to do with believing that you are a worthy person for the right person—which may or may not be him! But the man for you will choose you. And having faith and value enough in yourself to act accordingly.

And work on your anger. Observe it, journal about it, meditate, pray, whatever. Where is it coming from? Is it fear? It’s it a desire to exert control? Or is it possibly a very justifiable response to a situation or conflict?

For yourself, you might think about doing some kind of prayer or ceremony to release the emotional ties to your prior experience. Common approaches would be to write each name on a piece of paper, reflecting, and then burning each one while saying you release this.

You’re worthy. Don’t get too much into your head about the past. What do you want the future to look like ? 💖💖💖

Key_Hunter4064 · 2024-10-31T11:02:00+00:00

you aren't doomed because you have a "High body count", but you will if you don't deal with your unhealed traumas. Right now you gotta work on rebuilding trust in ya relationship coz it was built of off lies. you gotta start with alot of self care sis. you can't love your man authentically if you don't love yourself.

sine120 · 2024-10-31T22:59:29+00:00

Up-front Disclaimer: Low-N count married dude here, take or leave the following:

The short story is that a mismatch in how you go about finding sexual partners can definitely cross you off the list for some types of guys, but the majority won't care if you're a good fit for them. I'm not here to judge your relationship, but you might not be a great fit for someone like your bf if you're only 19 and already pissing each other off. I don't know if you have anger issues, but it is likely a response to his actions. Your behavior might not be the problem, and you cannot change how he views your past if that is his hangup.

You will likely be able to find a traditional style relationship, but not with people whose values do not match your actions. You might not be a great fit for insecure RP guys or religious guys whose morals don't match yours. If you are sexually generous and otherwise easy to get along with, at 19 you will not have difficulty stumbling into a better relationship should you decide your current one won't work out.

Square_Resist_4459 · 2024-10-31T12:27:09+00:00

You don't have to agree or like it, but once I started following Jesus, I fully came into my feminity. I fully felt cleaned and pure from my body count. He forgave everything I had done in my past and made me clean and new. I love myself now, I'm very slow to anger, etc. Just a suggestion.

aussiedollface2 · 2024-10-31T09:41:46+00:00

That’s rather high for your age but I’m a bit of an old fashioned millennial. I think the lying was the main issue. You’ve recognised this as an issue though and that’s great. Perhaps take some time to yourself to work on yourself and think about the sort of young woman you want to be, and what kind of relationships you would like. You’re young and can make so much progress, just try be a little more purposeful xo

T-Zams · 2024-10-31T12:13:29+00:00

You’re not doomed. Go to therapy and deal with your issues. Let your guy know that you’re working on your issues and WANT things to work out with him. Every fight is not worth fighting. Pick and choose your fights carefully. You don’t want him to feel hopeless about you and the relationship. Sounds like you got yourself a keeper!! I’m praying for your great success!

rosesonthefloor · 2024-10-31T19:05:30+00:00

I agree with others that it’s not about the body count it’s about your behavior. My sexual history would likely send some in this community into fits, and it’s never been an issue for me (except for one ex who had a whole host of other issues).

You cannot change the past. All you can do is learn from it and make different decisions in future. Wallowing in shame and self-hatred does not serve you, and will not make this better. Lying just reinforces that. Accepting and owning up to your past will help though, because you really have no other choice.

Okay, so you had sex. Big deal. All that does is change your math going forward. Let’s be realistic about it - you and your boyfriend have a problem with it, but neither of you can change it. So your options are find a way to accept it and move on, or break up and move on. Ultimately you need to find a way to let go of this shame and insecurity around your body count, because holding onto it is what is causing the problem.

What is the reason that you get so angry with him? You say that you’re “constantly making mistakes and can’t give him what he wants” but what does that mean? Is he telling you this or are you assuming? Are you truly angry in these moments, or are you reacting to some other emotion?

You need to find a way to learn from these things. Really sit and spend some time reflecting honestly on your behavior and your motivations and value and feelings. Journaling is a great way to put words to your emotions and help clarify how you’re really feeling. And you’ll find that the fear and shame will have less power over you.

You’re not cooked. You’re not broken. You’re not unlovable or unworthy. You’re just learning.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-10-31T14:15:10+00:00

So, while not ideal, it’s not the end of the world either. First, you have to understand why men are more concerned about a girl’s “number” then one might think appropriate.

It’s not the actual number; it’s the damage.

Speaking as a “Rule 9 Violation” I can tell you that men positively hate Hate HATE getting punished because of what some other guy did to a girl.

Among younger guys it can also be jealousy of the “optionality” that women have when it comes to sex. If you are a woman, you are not disgusting and you shower once a day, you can go get laid on any night of the week.¹

So the issue here is to make sure that you are policing yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy. if you find yourself thinking “Guy 1 took me to Spago,” or “Guy 6 drove a Porsche” you’re going to make yourself crazy. When you enter into a long-term relationship or marriage, you’re going to have to focus your mind on being grateful for what you have.

Assuming that you don’t marry your current guy, and let’s face it, you’re 19, you might focus your efforts on finding a guy with “matching luggage”, which you can find discussed here by searching on that term.

Like others I am also curious as to what you were getting angry with him about. My guess is that he’s probably young too, and often that leads to conflict because emotions run high.²

¹ And before anyone pulls a “Guys always say that!” Stop it. You know it’s true. It might not be a guy you want to have sex with, but you could definitely get laid.

² A female relative of my current main chick basically asked her if I slapped her around - ofc I don’t, but guess what some other guy did that I now have to deal with - and she replied “Vaz does not even raise his voice to me.” With age comes wisdom, etc.

SmittyFromAbove · 2024-10-31T10:10:04+00:00

First of all, true change comes from forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Secondly, if someone loves you and through actions you have shown you are a different person, something like this won't matter.

Shaiziin · 2024-10-31T18:56:14+00:00

I've said this multiple times, but only you know your body count. Unless you live in a small town where everyone is in your business, none of it will matter.

RedPillDad · 2024-10-31T22:01:41+00:00

10 is not a big number in the grand scheme of things. What's important is that you're trying to raise your relationship value and prove your loyalty. We don't arrive perfect, we arrive untested. We make mistakes and make adjustments along the way, gradually rising to a higher level.

I would cut you some slack about the lying part because women will routinely lie for social and emotional self-preservation. Revealing your body count on day one would have crushed things before they even started.

Far_Willingness_7809 · 2024-11-02T18:37:20+00:00

you're not cooked. most of the women around me - uni - have a similar body count to you, and counting.

plus, you're still so young, you can still choose who you want to be and make the majority of your life that way. what you decide to do now with your whole adult life matters infinitely more than what you did when you weren't even the age to be able to vote.

yzuaqwerl · 2024-10-31T07:42:33+00:00

you fucked up

devilindisguise23 · 2024-10-31T10:08:33+00:00

You’re still very young, and if you're serious, you can take the best lessons from your recent past to feel more in control of your choices now and in the future.

As someone else mentioned, it’s essential first to feel good about yourself, to see yourself as worthy and beautiful as you are. This can help you avoid seeking external validation from men, which can lead to poor decisions. Take some time for introspection: think about your relationship with your parents, your childhood, and explore what exactly led you toward these kinds of relationships—whether it was seeking fun, fearing loneliness, or a specific recurring pattern.

The same goes for managing your anger; understanding its triggers can help you learn to regulate it.

It’s impressive that you’ve reached this crossroads at such a young age; I didn’t have this kind of awareness when I was your age, and the journey to self-discovery isn’t always straightforward.

Your current partner also seems to need some self-reflection. It’s easy to parrot so-called "red pill" principles, but really understanding them?

Take some time to read the informative posts, and the recommended materials. Remember that you're doing this work first for yourself, for your own well-being and future, and then for your relationship.

Finally, the controversy around "high body count" is so embraced by the fragile men who claim "AWALT" (all women are like that) and believe that a woman with many past partners is doomed to a life of misery. First, many partners—or "plates" as they might say—can make a man less husband material too. And second, men also have a responsibility to grow and improve, especially when it comes to intimacy.

Your responsibility is to be more than this label, to build the wisdom and understand your power to choose who you date, who you commit to, and how to nurture that relationship for life.

LillithSanguinum · 2024-10-31T14:06:48+00:00

Body count isn't a thing if you rectify and don't tell anybody about it.

hellothereobiwan2 · 2024-10-31T12:40:31+00:00

Jesus Christ how do you have 10 bodies at 19

Infamous-End4052 · 2024-10-31T13:59:38+00:00

You're not cooked. I personally knew people with far more bodies at 19 lol. Just address your anger and self-esteem issues.

Substantial-Poem3095 · 2024-11-01T02:56:01+00:00

Just stop at ten and rebuild yourself by picking up a pro level sport training even if you don’t want to compete. Sorry can’t elaborate now but DM me later.

czfreak · 2024-11-02T02:01:08+00:00

Yeah, you are cooked. He will never stop thinking about it, and when the infatuation stage ends, he won't be able to take you seriously.

AutoModerator · 2024-10-31T05:47:48+00:00

Title: High body count - am I cooked?

Author Savings_Blacksmith14

Full text: Hi everyone,

I'm a 19 year old girl and in my teenage years I made bad choices leading to a body count of 10. I wasn't thinking about my future, but now that I'm getting older, I really want to have a traditional relationship. I'm dating a guy that is very traditional, leaning on red pill. and I actually like this dynamic, but I'm worried that there is no hope for me because of my past. I get angered easily and I feel like I'm just constantly making mistakes and can't give him what he wants, even though I want to. I want to be more feminine and soft spoken and gentle, but he just makes me so angry sometimes and I lose it. So I'm scared I won't be able to fix it. He knows about my body count and I know it bugs him and pisses him off, but he loves me a lot. It's just caused a lot of issues for us, especially because I lied about the number for the first three months of our relationship out of fear of him leaving over it. Please if anybody has any advice on how I can make him feel better about me, how to control my anger, how to be a better girl, and ultimately if there's even any hope for me. I really love this man and I want it to work so bad. I'm so upset with myself. TIA

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MoreThanPurple · 2024-10-31T12:28:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

henrycatalina · 2024-11-01T13:31:10+00:00

Your anger issue is the real toxin to control. Being angry with yourself or him both can lead to later issues. The quality of the relationship is the only way to get past this, and that takes time. Your count and experience seem so similar to my wife and me so many, many years ago. You knew this would bother him. You need to make him your most special man. He's got to commit in his mind.

Do you have a temper? Is the anger over your past or his reaction? If he never gets past this, you are cooked. I got past it in a few months, but it's came back a few times in 48 years. It's always related to her temper, the relationship, and respect. Cut back on sex and intamacy and boom, back come the thoughts. Emasculating words, bam! Here come the thoughts. Be feminine and supportive, bring peace, intamacy, and engaging sex and it goes away. Appreciate him. Admire him.

He's got to think he's got the best version of you and not what was in your past. The past was a narrow version of you confused by peers, hormones, and male attention.

lostthering · 2024-11-01T20:33:22+00:00

What does he do to anger you?

lostthering · 2024-11-01T20:34:01+00:00

What does he want you to give him, that you can't give him?

BackgroundAd8719 · 2024-11-01T22:26:16+00:00

The main issue is the dishonesty. I get it, i was 19 once too. Anyone older who says they were as honest at 19 as they are now either has memory problems or sadly is still a rather dishonest person. But work on that. Traditional relationships are built on honesty, mutual respect, and self respect.

Part of self respect is self improvement. Accepting where you need to improve and working on it. Good people are not flawless, they are the ones who are willing to work through those flaws. And since you did tell him, you are working on it and should feel good about improving yourself.

The body count is what it is and for today's generation isn't terrible imo.

Regarding the anger- figure out what is making you angry and work to improve it. Without addressing whats causing it, it will just keep coming back. Talk to your boyfriend about what he does that makes you angry. Use "I" statements.

WorkingFortune9 · 2024-10-31T19:12:32+00:00

Your body count number does not mean you are cooked. As you get older, nobody cares or even asks. And those who do need to get a grip

moirainesedaii · 2024-10-31T11:53:01+00:00

You don’t have to be honest about the body count… very weird that a man would focus on that especially when the standards are so skewed. I understand that not everyone will have this opinion tho.

vaninithepanini · 2024-10-31T13:45:43+00:00

It also seems that the guy isn’t mature enough to handle the reality of people being people and that the value of a woman is more than her body count

Last_Job_632 · 2024-10-31T22:22:25+00:00

So you’re 19 with a high body count, fighting with your man because he angers you. As a 31(f) who had a promiscuous stage in my younger days, you’re not cooked. TBH you’re fairly young and while looking towards forever with a guy seems ideal, endure it is the RIGHT guy - it may take time to find him.

So - if a man is asking about your body count, he’s already immature. Cut

Why are you trying to change when he’s angering you? Instead ask yourself WHY you’re being triggered by him. What is he doing to cause you to anger?

This relationship likely wont last long based upon what you’ve mentioned so in the mean time you can work on yourself, your self esteem, your insecurities. Become a woman who loves and respects herself. That is how you embody feminine energy. Next, the right man will give you room to let that feminine energy flourish. He’ll create a safe space for you to be who you are, to love fully and he will protect you and respect you

Maleficent-Brief-178 · 2024-11-01T00:26:04+00:00

Red pill theory ( 🤦) is just that a theory! And in this theory women with high body counts (10 is more than zero but not that high) is an indicator of difficulties in maintain relationships, not because it disqualifies someone for good relationships but that it's an indicator of inherent behavior or motivations 🤦🤦🤦

So Of course self-care is more important than how many people you have or have not slept with... and if he has chosen to be with you then he needs to get over in the inherent male jealousies or insecurities

Something is or is not disqualifier for a relationship not something to emotionally abuse your partner about or use is manipula weapon to bring your self-esteem down

vaninithepanini · 2024-10-31T13:44:48+00:00

10 isn’t high at all LOL

Title	High body count - am I cooked?
Author	Savings_Blacksmith14
Upvotes	15
Comments	99
Date	October 31, 2024 5:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1gg7mo1/high_body_count_am_i_cooked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/high-body-count-am-i-cooked.1534147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534147

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