How important is a man's looks?

Next-Movie-3319 · 2026-07-23T17:47:06+00:00

Looks alone, aren't important to women in the way that they are to a man.

Women take a lot more into the equation when judging whether they find a man attractive or not. Personality, Confidence, Ambition, Success, Grooming, Intelligence, Empathy, the list goes on and on.

It is okay to try and optimize for one variable if it is important to you, but if it doesn't move the needle all that much for you in comparison to the other attributes, that is okay too. Nothing wrong with that.

The measure you should be focusing on is whether you are attracted to the man, not necessarily whether you think he is good looking. They aren't necessarily always going to be the same thing.

Pleasant_Fig8444 · 2026-07-23T19:03:22+00:00

Out of curiosity what do you like about those guys youve date? succesful, intelligent?

Thistlewhistler · 2026-07-23T21:26:32+00:00

How men look doesn’t register for me as an isolated attribute, which might be related to having aphantasia. I can recognise that a particular man is objectively handsome, but it doesn’t translate into attractiveness as for me, that’s about intelligence, character, warmth etc.

I struggled a bit with this in my teens and very early twenties where the opinions of friends mattered more, but as I got older I realised I was extremely good at vetting, and swerved men when others were putting too much emphasis on looks and missing red flag character traits.

catsarehere77 · 2026-07-24T14:03:51+00:00

For me looks are as important as his personality. I could never be with someone who is unattractive to me. If you ever experienced lightning bolt attraction to someone, which I have, it's difficult to settle for less than that. But it is very rare.

I am convinced the women who don't enjoy sex with their partners is because they settle for visually unappealing men.

chamomilecloud · 2026-07-23T18:06:34+00:00

How important looks are will vary from woman to woman.

For me, looks are only important in that they should not hinder me from wanting to sleep with a man. And while I don't have "hookups" (like one night stands and no strings attached sex), I did want to sleep with my bfs and now fiancé early in dating. This meant his ability to turn me on was important here, which was a combination of primarily "game" and secondarily looks.

This is really only an issue if you are unable to maintain attraction to a man, or the lack of attraction leads to dead bedrooming him.

sunflowergirls85 · 2026-07-25T06:11:37+00:00

When I met my husband 21 years ago, I didn’t think he’d like me. He was so good looking.
But we’ve been married 20 years now. I remember a friend telling me when I was dating him that I didn’t know how pretty I was and didn’t have the confidence I should have.
My husband has only gotten better looking with age.
He is 43 now and I’m 41. He gets stared at wherever we go still. I am lucky he doesn’t really have time to think about talking to other women.
I’m insanely attracted to him still and we still act like we are in the honeymoon stage.
I think attraction in your marriage is important for sure.

LightOverWater · 2026-07-23T17:56:36+00:00

It's mostly a personal preference but things do matter.

1) you should desire him and want to sleep with him. Healthy sex life.

2) if you find a lot of men more attractive than your husband, that's not good long term.

The real red pill answer is you want to have genuine burning desire for him. In practice, I've heard of many women describe that type of man on the order of 1 in 1000, which is not practical or a realstic goal.

So where exactly you fall is about preference, but I would say be very mindful about it. Do not date men that you feel you have to force yourself or hope you are attracted to them one day.

velorae · 2026-07-23T17:54:46+00:00

Attraction is subjective and important in a relationship. As long as you and your partner find each other attractive, who cares what anyone else thinks? You're not dating to please other people lmao.

If you convince yourself, "They'd never be interested," you never have to find out for sure, but you also never give yourself a chance. It happens. When you catch yourself thinking, "He'd never want me, ask yourself, What evidence do l actually have? More often than not, the answer is none. It's an assumption from your insecurities, not a fact. Attraction isn't one-sided. You don't decide for someone else whether they'll find you attractive, that's their choice, so rejecting yourself on their behalf takes that choice away.

Try getting comfortable with uncertainty. Practice making eye contact, smiling, or having a brief conversation with people you find attractive

VasiliyZaitzev · 2026-07-24T04:09:14+00:00

So I'm 34 and a man being a provider is very important.

Makes sense.

I make a good living so he needs to be the same or better off.

Women date across and up competence hierarchies, so nothing odd here.

Its been recently pointed out to me that I date significantly below my looks "league" to the point where they think it looks weird.

On behalf of those of use who are "looks-challenged", thank you for your service.

As to "looks weird" just say you value character above all things, including looks. Ex. "You may not find Steve to be handsome, but I do, because he's kind, he's got a good heart and he treats me like gold. If you don't like him, fine, you don't have to."

I mostly look at how generous a man is and looks dont concern me.

If this is accurate, and you are happy with it, then good for you.

I actively avoid men I naturally find attractive.

Why? Do you lack confidence? Do you think he'll cheat? Some other reason?

feel they wont want me and reject myself on their behalf or I get nervous around them and fight or flight kicks in (i want to leave urgently).

So you get the yips around hot guys. Not uncommon at all. Are you an introvert?

You may also feel a need to reject them before they reject you, although that's smth that happens when the woman has significantly lower (2+ points, I suppose) SMV. I'm not getting that vibe here, but I mention for the sake of completeness.

So i will try work on this and want your thoughts.

This is up to you. At 34 it might be time to lock a dude down, ideally a faithful provider, whether he's hot or not is up to you.

Years ago, I knew a girl who had been a lil' chubster and then blossomed late in HS. She had a bit of a smoky/sultry thing going on, when I met her. She would date nerdy (but presentable) guys. She and I could "say the quiet part out loud" and she told me that that's the type of she liked from back in her chubby days because those guys were at least nice to her. She also said they don't cheat on her and they're "grateful." She ultimately married a slightly upmarket version of this type and is (to my knowledge), still married.

So you have to figure out what makes you happy, and if you are willing to trade down in looks for other qualities - it appears that you are, so far at least.

You have to figure out where the "leverage" is for you, although for women it's 90% your looks (including likelihood of not blimping out later - yoga and Pilates are your friends), plus how cooperative you are (or can be), plus your RMV (where you can help the guy based on your skills, etc.)

Also, a word of warning on the 'looks weird' bit. This is not directed at you personally but to the commentary you are getting. There's a lot of "inflation" on the 10 point scale now to the point where men will talk about "49ers." This isn't the football team but rather "4s who think they are 9s." This is what I call the "Delta of Delusion", so in this case a "49er" would have a Delta of Delusion of 5 - the difference b/w what she thinks she is and what she really is. Again, not directed at you personally, but make sure the advice you are getting is accurate.

Good luck.

2026-07-23T18:32:05+00:00

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Plastic-Hall-8581 · 2026-07-25T00:06:17+00:00

In my friend group, I’ve always been told I go for “medium ugly” men. I found that funny - but the most consistent thing about the people I dated for extended periods of time is that I learnt a lot from them. I like to feel like I am with someone who is my intellectual superior. I tend to be the one with much higher emotional intelligence though. My sweet spot would be to find a man who is smart, grounded, a little nerdy, takes their fitness seriously and aptly emotionally intelligent. These are the highest markers of attraction for me. I also rate how much I’d like to sleep with them out of 10 to get a good idea of my level of attraction to them.

LizzyLS · 2026-07-25T02:40:20+00:00

I think looks and attraction can be totally different. Sometimes attraction can grow as you get to know someone

pillowpalaces · 2026-07-26T17:33:36+00:00

My late husband was hot, tall, handsome 🔥 .... but let me tell ya. When we were arguing or he did something egregious, all of that went out the window and didn't matter

feargodnot · 2026-07-29T05:39:24+00:00

“Its been recently pointed out to me that I date significantly below my looks "league" to the point where they think it looks weird. I mostly look at how generous a man is and looks dont concern me.”

This is called female mate suppression.

Women instinctually want to lower the pool of potential mates available for other women. This is why extreme standards have escalated. It means women feel socially forced to only select from a smaller and smaller pool of men.

They are not doing you a favor by telling you you are dating “below your looks”. They are secretly trying to make you have less long term dating success.

See what just happened? You were fine with the looks of the partners you chose before. Now you hear from your friends that this is not fine/normal. And you’re on reddit asking óthers about “how important looks are”. This is mate suppression in action. Approval from other women is lowering your pool of potential partners.

Odd-Water3431 · 2026-07-29T11:37:49+00:00

Age matters a lot to men too though, and since you’ll be geriatric pregnancy age in a matter of months I would say stick with the plain looking dudes. Also, women are prettier than men on average just like men are taller than women on average. So just like it would be impossible for most women to be with a man shorter than them it’s also impossible for most women to be with a man who is equal in attractiveness than them.

SweetTaterSalad · 2026-07-26T12:22:19+00:00

First you said being a provider is very important and then you said she has to be able to provide for herself.

This is very confusing.

AutoModerator · 2026-07-23T17:40:05+00:00

Title: How important is a man's looks?

Author Sea_Bookkeeper_1533

Full text: So I'm 34 and a man being a provider is very important.

I make a good living so he needs to be the same or better off.

Its been recently pointed out to me that I date significantly below my looks "league" to the point where they think it looks weird. I mostly look at how generous a man is and looks dont concern me.

However after my closest people pointed this out I realised I actively avoid men I naturally find attractive. I feel they wont want me and reject myself on their behalf or I get nervous around them and fight or flight kicks in (i want to leave urgently).

So i will try work on this and want your thoughts.

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LaKatherinette · 2026-07-24T07:42:49+00:00

I think physically attractive men are inherently more evil because they tend to get away with more for being good looking. Or they just attract too many women, so they are bound to be players.

Dionne005 · 2026-07-23T18:53:30+00:00

Do you want an ugly baby?

SweetTaterSalad · 2026-07-23T19:40:45+00:00

I'd say stick with what's working for you and ignore all those other people who don't know what they're talking about.

Men that you are naturally attracted to, if they are naturally attracted to you, you'll (potentially )bring out the worst in them instead of the best. And if you're comfortable with being with someone based on nothing more than what's inside then the outside will look just as good as it needs to for you and what other people think doesn't matter.

Natural attractiveness is more about instinct and drives.

You don't want a man to be driven to you You want him to be drawn.

If you think it's because you're not pretty enough, you need to quit worrying about that too.

A woman's inner beauty is so much brighter than her outer and if her outer beauty is aesthetically pleasing to the majority of people than her inner beauty will just magnify it.

Oh and one more thought. If you happen to catch a man and everyone thinks that you are out of his league and he agrees with them, he'll appreciate you that much more.

Title	How important is a man's looks?
Author	Sea_Bookkeeper_1533
Upvotes	13
Comments	48
Date	July 23, 2026 5:40 PM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1v4kx0c/how_important_is_a_mans_looks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-important-is-a-mans-looks.1585715 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585715

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