How important is physical attraction

RatchedAngle · 2024-08-13T14:43:12+00:00

(Most) men want a woman who is enthusiastic about sex.

If you aren’t sexually attracted to him, the honeymoon phase might be enough to inspire sexual enthusiasm.

But once you start learning his personality flaws, once you have your first fight, once he does something to upset you - the lack of physical attraction will slowly turn to disgust. And you won’t be able to overcome it after that.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-08-13T13:34:09+00:00

I remember feeling this way about a really nice guy I dated, once. He was an engineer, intelligent, close to his family. He was sociable and really liked me. Our first date went really well, though I didn't feel particularly attracted. On our second date, he took his hat off and I remember thinking he looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. I knew I was being a judgmental asshole, though, so I wanted to give things another go. On our third date, I could not wait to leave. I deliberately kept my hands busy as he walked me to my car, so he wouldn't try to touch me. I kept thinking "Please don't try to kiss me." I knew then that attraction was not going to build.

One more date. That's the maximum amount of time I'd suggest giving this relationship. Go in open-minded and give him a real shot. If you're not attracted by that point, though, you're not just wasting your time. You're wasting his. Four dates is the beginning of a real relationship. It's not fair to get his hopes up, when you're still neutral.

SteelTheUnbreakable · 2024-08-13T16:48:42+00:00

Don't lead him on. Let him find someone who's enthusiastic about him.

LimeRepresentative50 · 2024-08-13T14:18:08+00:00

Why are you not attracted? What is your type?

fivefives55555 · 2024-08-13T14:18:36+00:00

I usually start with physical attraction and then see if we’re compatible instead of the other way around. For me personally, physical attraction is extremely important and the relationship cannot exist without it.

That being said, I do have a friend that was not initially attracted to her now fiancé but he wined and dined her and was great in bed which won her over.

I agree with the other commenter though, if you’re finding yourself repulsed there’s nothing you can do and you should end it. But if you’re just not feeling a fire that can build with time.

Traditional_Lecture6 · 2024-08-13T21:34:50+00:00

Nooo it’s not worth it, In my experience attraction doesn’t increase, you always know in the back of your mind. You deserve to be with someone you find physically attractive and he also deserves to be with someone who finds him attractive.

Babiecakes123 · 2024-08-14T14:23:26+00:00

I don’t believe in love at first sight.

I do believe that attraction grows.

When I first met my husband he was so nerdy.. think plaid shorts & a striped top (but all different colours). He was 5’6 and about 130lbs, short awkward haircut etc..

He was so funny & charming that I didn’t even really notice. He wasn’t exactly my type, but his personality definitely was. Being his first gf, I was obviously able to give him the “woman’s touch”. So we changed up his style, he grew a mullet & beard (sexy!), and he gained healthy weight. He’s so vibrant and confident now.

However, all of this aside.. I fall deeper and deeper in love with this man every day. I never really knew where things would go when we first started dating, but I realised soon enough that I was going nowhere.

I was honestly thankful he looked so nerdy. So many women overlooked him, and it meant I was able to get in there and secure the man.

There are things you can change, and things you cannot change. You have to make sure you’re not sacrificing genuine men for this idealised type you have.. only to end up 45 and single with dried up eggs because no one was perfect enough for you.

RedPillDad · 2024-08-13T14:53:50+00:00

Lust burns out, love lasts. Lust transitioning into love happens in the movies. In real life, when it fizzles out there's sometimes an extinction burst, but usually just a fade to black. You're better off really liking someone and building things from there. Looks matter in the beginning, but not as much in the long run. I'm not saying to ignore looks. Looks can be exceptional, acceptable or 'coyote ugly'. Acceptable should be good enough.

BhikkuBean · 2024-08-13T19:14:57+00:00

OP there is someone in this world you will have a 10/10 relationship. This person is not the one, if you dont feel amazing after the first or second date, then he simply is not attractive and you need to listen to your instincts. I know he ticks a lot of boxes but you will thank youself later

TheBunk_TB · 2024-08-13T16:00:15+00:00

Do you have too many options? Or do you observe having many options? (I am asking this seriously).

plein_old · 2024-08-13T19:19:03+00:00

not the type of guy I usually date

Are we talking about arbitrary superficial details, like you only date men with green eye color? Or only men who are exactly 5'11"?

Or are we talking about his personality being fundamentally unattractive to you on a sexual level?

Women often pickup instantly on whether a man is sexually attractive or not - even if he looks different or unexpected. When women ignore this sixth sense of theirs, they can sometimes discover that their mate is a closet rage-aholic or narcissist or something like that down the road.

EOD_Bad_Karma · 2024-08-13T19:44:29+00:00

End of the day. You like what you like.

If you don't like him, then there's no point in continuing.

Any man would prefer being with a woman who is head over heels him, than merely being "ok" with him. So, don't just "settle" for him, for both your sakes.

AutoModerator · 2024-08-13T13:07:23+00:00

Title: How important is physical attraction

Author Used_Barber958

Full text: I (F28) haven been talking to this guy (M37) for a little over 2 weeks now. We’ve had 2 dates so far, one to a bar/microbrewery he owns. I’m very into wine making and cooking so we really bonded over that and I loved hearing about how to make beer etc.

On the second date we wanted to go to a concert. We ate and we were gonna go to the line and it was just too long, it wasn’t possible to buy tickets online, we just had to wait in line to see if the place wasn’t full before it was out turn to go in. We ended up going to his place and watching music videos, talking and drinking vermut.

Nothing happened besides he hugging me a few times.

Here’s the thing, I really enjoy being with him because we have so many things in common. I’m also job hunting now and he’s always giving me tips, sending me workshops I might be interested etc he’s very successful at what he does and that is very attractive to me. He’s well established and stable financially. However, I just can’t seem to be attracted to him physically 🥹 it’s not the type of guy I usually date. I don’t know how much time to give to see if it maybe grows? I need to hear different perspectives on this.

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mariposaamor · 2024-08-14T01:56:57+00:00

My SO wasn’t necessarily my type when I first met. He was a bit younger than me and I typically dated older guys. Although he was and is objectively attractive, I just thought he looked like a baby. Lol. But now he’s getting older I am over heels and he is just aging like fine wine.

If you think your attraction to him has the ability to grow the stick with it. But if seeing him elicits a gag response, stop

czfreak · 2024-08-14T00:57:20+00:00

Physical attraction is decided instantly and will not change. It may work for a while because you like his money and personality but you will eventually cheat or leave him for someone that turns you on sexually.

Independent-Story883 · 2024-08-14T09:50:08+00:00

For me physical attraction tied to a thought process. If mature and diligent enough you can unravel the basis to what you are attracted to and make it do your bidding.

For instance taller heavier, thicker body frame, for me. exudes protection -A characteristic that I am instantly attracted. In my mind I think ‘ Thats a guy who will keep me safe’ And in fact that body type is what I married. However now in the dating world I date all body types. A thinner guy I will create the mental picture of him using charm and wit to exude protection, shorter guys I humorously envision them using body leverage. It has to fit their personality and their actions must back it up. It does take a bit of mental gymnastics. I would have the guy ( unknowingly ) tell me stories that undo the unattractive feature. Maybe he was so thin he slid between closing elevator doors and held an elevator that I needed to make. Maybe if a guy that I like his body type but we are not a good life fit, I would picture him running scared from something.

I would pay attention to emotional triggers. That is WAYYY. different from being unattractive. For instance, say you suffered some sort of abuse or trauma by a guy who had small ears. Now you get nervous when you see small ears on your date. Don't try and overcome that trigger. Move on. The guy will just be confused on why he has to swim uphill to get you to smile at him. You will spend the entire relationship judging if he is plotting to be the small eared devil you once knew.

Lastly.. Just being honest fellas….I think this type of thing would be harder to do IF you have not had kids. It is natural for a woman to not want to breed with a man she does not perceive to be good breeding stock. ‘ Omg! What if all my kids come out with tiny ears” That mental picture shuts down the fountains of intimacy. When done with kids and the whole finding a father thing. Tastes radically change.

I think women can read way more into intimacy than men.. For women being intimate is some sort of approval stamp of his behavior towards you over a minimum time period, his physical presentation and his potential for future success. We have crazy mental checklists before we can continue long-term intimate relationships much less consider one night stands.
“Has Eric met or exceeded standards? - Thats a No he made me buy my own dinner. There is no way he is going to be providing for me when we are in our 90s”

All jokes aside, Spidey senses are there for a reason. Listen to them and try to learn why you are thinking that way. Don't fret - Intospect. If you gave it a try, your mind says no. Just move on quickly. All the best!
No shade to all the skinny, short, small eared or cheap guys out there. Just light hearted examples

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Norfolt · 2024-08-14T21:12:26+00:00

would kill the relationship over time.

Old_Map_8960 · 2024-08-16T01:22:39+00:00

How attractive do you find him on a scale of 1-10? If you find him average in the face, that means you’re at least somewhat attracted to him. I used to care a lot about looks when I was in high school/college but as I got older I care way less. Like another commenter said looks aren’t that important in the long run. People age, gain weight, there’s so many things that could happen that could potentially ruin a persons looks or at least severely deteriorate them. That’s why I stopped prioritizing looks as much as I grew up. Now looks are just a bonus. I can’t be repulsed by him, obviously, he has to be attractive enough for me to sleep with him but that doesn’t mean he needs to be a 10/10 either, even a 8/10 is definitely not necessary lol. If you like everything else about him I would wait and see if it grows. Average is enough, honestly. When I first met my bf he wasn’t initially my type and at 21 I wouldn’t have given him a chance because when you’re young you don’t know what’s truly important in a relationship. But when I got to know him more and developed a friendship with him, I fell in love with his personality and character, and plus we are so compatible and as you get used to being around the person you become more attracted to them, and attraction comes in many forms. If I were you, I would give it a try, you’ve only been one date. The choice is yours though.

Equal_Photograph1121 · 2024-08-18T19:16:39+00:00

It’s important,but men don’t have a harsh barrier to entry

sensitive_pirate85 · 2024-08-21T01:31:13+00:00

It’s cliché… But you can’t start a fire without kindling. You don’t owe this guy a chance with you just because he’s “nice,” and says he “likes” you. If you’re asking this, here, you’re probably just being insecure and believe he is you’re only option… Though, honestly, it sounds like he doesn’t exactly meet your criteria for what you’re actually looking for.

onivore · 2024-08-14T15:19:20+00:00

I'm in the same position as you. The only difference is that this guy and I have known each other for more than 7 years (our parents are very close friends), and he claims he has been lovestruck from the moment he first saw me and is still deeply in love with me. I, on the other hand, find his company somewhat pleasant, but oddly enough, I feel repulsed when he touches me.

...Which is weird, given the fact that I consider myself to have a high libido, but regardless of how many dates he takes me on, regardless of how many dinners and gifts he buys me, regardless of how much he compromises just so he could make me happy and see me smile, regardless of how much time, money and most importantly patience he spends on me, I simply can't feel the spark, nomatter how hard I try.

I'm 27 now, on a teacher salary, barely able to pay my rent, while he is a 31 year old IT specialist, financially stable, owns a car, has his own apartment, and all he is missing is a nice little wife in his otherwise perfect life. I know my time is running out, and I am well aware that I should finally settle, yet I see him as nothing more than a close friend, a provider, and an eventual sperm donor. I know he will be an excellent father for my future kids, I know he will continue to cherish me and make me feel like a queen. I know my future will be bright if I could just give him the chance, ...so one night, I literally had to force myself to sleep with him.

All I can say is, I had to close my eyes, fake it, and wait for it to be over. We haven't done it again ever since. How am I supposed to create a family with him when I feel disgusted by his physique?

Charming-Squash6127 · 2024-08-13T17:05:15+00:00

I don't feel very confortable speaking where women should have the forefront in the conversation, but let me propose you a question. Try to concetualize every relationship that started with good faith in both sides and are now falling apart. How many in that situation would be okay trading their partner's look for a better personality if a geenie gave them the option? I could see a devil's advocate for this approach, but... just something to think about. Also, it seems that you mentioned the issue is his fitness. That is very fixable. Maybe he could be inspired to get that gym life?

Between my wife and I, I was the one most obsessed with appearances (and still am). I would eat healthy, no cheat days, and workout sometimes twice in a day or spend hours practicing martial arts. What I didn't know was that I was a fat man in a skinny man's body. I never accounted for how much my metabolism was crazy high from all my activity. One day I had a lower body injury and one thing led to another and I stayed in bed for about 6 months then while training during recovery I fractured both legs and that put me back on a limp for another 8 months is... In that time I gained 100 pounds!

My wife was still extremely attracted to me because she always told me it was mainly the chest, traps, shoulders, and arms that she enjoyed so when I got a belly the muscles in those areas would still kinda pop out and my tricep definition was still there depending on the angle. Thing is, while I gained weight I was always clear from the beginning that even though she was okay with me slacking I wasn't okay with her slacking and if it ever came down to her gaining weight then we would both jump back in the fitness life no matter how imcapable I am. She never really gained weight and even if she did I would find her attractive but let me tell you something. I have nothing but regrets by gaining all this weight, being fat fucking sucks and everything in life is just straight up not as enjoyable. Most Americans are overweight so in this culture there is a really sick bias towards being a slob which I disagree so fucking passionately. I'm back to a more passive bodybuilding life (I don't intend to compete or dehydrate myself on purpose, all I mean is being the fittest and healthiest I can be) and am more into it than ever. I think everyone who has the balls to do so should speak up about this and encourage people to be fit which should be synonym with fucking NORMAL. My wife and I are working on being the fittest we can be for the sake of health (health sits at the too) by fucking principle. This is way bigger than trying to look fucking cute. Almost every major food company out there could care the fuck less if you die from their shit they just fabricate the most artificial addicitive thing possible, they hire top of the line doctors for this shit. Oh... and how about the healthcare system? It's a fucking circle and the chase for profit makes both industries synergy indefinitely on this fucking "take this med so you can continue to treat yourself like shit" mentality. Every time you see a billboard on a highway, how often is it about food or health?

I also think there are no excuses for people to not mind their calorie intake and junk food intake. A man or a woman with a fucked up thyroid? Fuck no. A woman with pregnancy impulses? Fuck no. There's nothing that justifies you clogging your fucking esophagus with food that was made in lab no even 5 decades ago.

Also, so and so has hormone issues and can't lose weight? How that fuck would that person find that out in a reasonable manner if not by eating healthy and minding calories?

An extra point. The slower metabolism induced by some circumstances in both man and women whether it is by medication, thyroid, or pregnancy doesn't change the fact that a X calorie defict should feel the same on another individual with a higher metabolism but on the same deficit. THE FUCKING ENERGY EXPENDITURE IS THE SAME. Basic fucking math and science. So you can't excuse yourself for gaining weight because the amount of calories you need to enter a deficit went down for any reason. (I'm sure we can think of exceptions to what I am saying but anything that goes against this reasoning is just plain wrong)

Look... I know that is a big rant but my point is simple, if you are loving and considering sexual intimacy with someone but they don't seem fit to you. Then try to take the lead and get them to love themselves a bit more. It could very well be that they never experienced the joy of working on their body.

Silly_Client1222 · 2024-08-14T11:23:57+00:00

Physical attractiveness is only skin deep. Where’s the emotional connection?

PreciousMuffn · 2024-08-13T20:18:06+00:00

It's sometimes hard to say... my 1st husband was attractive, but he was not my first love (who admittedly I was hung up on at the time still). But we dated for 2 years and were married for 10 years. He grew on me.

My boyfriend in between husbands was NOT my normal type. Like... we'd been friends and martial arts partners and were essentially "bros" for 2 years before I was divorced and then I asked him initially about being a FWB because I trusted him and needed to feel that connection again. He is 5 inches shorter than me, whiter than I prefer, etc. But once he truly started emotionally opening up and also treating me SO differently than I was in my marriage and also in our friendship... everything changed. Plus his confidence was a huge factor. Absolutely do not regret that relationship despite us realizing we were fundamentally incompatible in a couple of areas. He actually introduced me to RPW.

I went on a few dates with another guy who I just couldn't feel chemistry with... he was wonderful in so many ways, and we'd been friends for a short while too - he was head over heels for me, but It felt like he was a brother.

And with my husband... I've thought he was attractive since the first time I met him in all the ways. Even with physical changes over the past 7 years... I think he's very handsome and I'm so blessed to be with him.

Title	How important is physical attraction
Author	Used_Barber958
Upvotes	23
Comments	76
Date	August 13, 2024 1:07 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1er7far/how_important_is_physical_attraction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-important-is-physical-attraction.1527165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527165

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