How to prevent burnout?

Kara__El · 2020-01-26T16:01:36+00:00

I always say the secret to a happy life is a short commute. My husband and I both work 10 minutes from home. We get to come home for lunch and eat together. If you hate your job anyway, I think it might benefit you to get one closer to home. Even if you feel the same way about it, the short commute will lessen your stress. In the meantime, try to enjoy the commute as much as you can. Your library likely has downloadable audiobooks or you could get a paid music service.

As for dinner, I applaud the effort to cook at home. Not enough people do it and then they're left wondering where all the money went. You can do it more easily, though. One of our favorite easy meals is a microwavable rice pack with chopped ham and broccoli covered in jarred cheese sauce. We save the more complicated stuff for weekends. Find some simple, healthy recipes for the week and don't overthink it. Furthermore, if you're both working full time, it's fair to take turns preparing dinner and doing other chores.

If the goal is to stay home after kids, now really is the time to work and build savings/pay off debt. There are ways to do it without being miserable, though.

Theendisnearornot · 2020-01-26T16:06:10+00:00

You’ve got a lot going on. Since you plan to be a SAHM anyway can you at least look for part time work?

How much of this have you spoken to your husband about?

You have a lot of your plate, plus the emotional toll of miscarriages (plus that stress will not be beneficial to you in the long run regarding trying to conceive).

For now, make things a simple as possible. Plan dinners and do meal prep on the weekend, make double portions and freeze meals (of course double check which things freeze well). Combine exercise with other things (like putting on music and getting some cardio done while cleaning).

Don’t discount work being a major source of stress if it stressful. I agree all jobs will come with a level of stress. But they shouldn’t leave you feeling burned out and having nothing else. There ought to be some joy from something that you do the majority of your waking hours. A simple job change that brings you closer to home and less hours may make a world of difference.

If you haven’t yet, please bring these things to your husband’s attention. Before it becomes such a burden that you are resentful and angry.

HB3234 · 2020-01-26T17:04:28+00:00

There is only one way to prevent burnout, and that is to make sure you never make a habit of giving more than you have to spare. Right now, you're pouring your full cup and then a little from your reserves every single day. Soon your reserves will be empty.

Tell your husband you love to do all the housework and cooking to take care of him, but you can't do it with your current full time workload. Bring him the problem, not the solution. He may surprise you!

TantalizingGrapfruit · 2020-01-26T21:21:41+00:00

Why in the world are you cooking most of the meals and doing most of the housework when you both work full time?? I highly doubt your husband expects you to be acting like a housewife when you aren't one. Even if you find a closer job, ask him to take up half of the household responsibilities and stop carrying the household yourself that's ridiculous honey. He must not realize how much work it is if he hasn't stepped in to carry his half so ask!

szsunshine · 2020-01-26T16:43:30+00:00

Tell your H that the stress is getting you down. And stress interferes with fertility.

While you are still working (and commuting longer!) there is no reason for you to be doing most of the cooking or doing most of the household chores! He needs to step up! A new baby will just ADD to your workload around the house.

Some ideas (although it is better if you present the problem to him, and see what he says - if its his idea he is more likely to follow through).

You can make a rule that whoever gets home first starts dinner or tidys up or puts in a load of laundry.

I would consider using Sunday WORK TOGETHER to make ahead meals for the week and freeze them. Chicken soup, lasagna, chicken cutlets, meals assembled to be thrown into a crock pot....these can all be done ahead of time!

Get a cleaning lady.

Friday is pizza night (or sandwich night or dinner out date night).

trophicsec · 2020-01-26T20:58:32+00:00

If you guys can afford for you to not work, stop working. It was the best thing I ever did and my husband and I are happier for it. It might also make it easier for you to get pregnant if you take that stress off your plate. Also read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's kind of a tome but you don't have to read the whole thing to get into the swing of tracking your cycles. Honestly everything you listed as self-improvement and household care IS a full-time job. I also tried to do it all with a career in top of it and had a nervous breakdown. It's just too much. If you loved your career, I'd say stay but otherwise get out and give yourself permission to focus your attention on you and your family.

Edit to add: Pregnancy is HARD. I am so glad all I did was nanny two days a week through the past 6 months. I can't imagine working a full time job and doing everything you listed through all the morning sickness, insomnia, body discomfort, and so on. Treat yourself and QUIT WORKING.

akihonj · 2020-01-26T15:57:20+00:00

Ok so from a man then here goes

Talk to him, seriously, if you want him to fix something then tell him you need his help to fix this because inside you're dying. You're doing this for his for his benefit and you're enjoying it but it's hard work and you're exhausted.

Now I don't know how he's going to react only you know that, but I preface this with saying that if you don't you're just going to burn out and you know that already.

I'd hope that he starts to take on some of the work himself and take some of the pressure off of you to show how grateful he is that you're doing this. I hope that he does as it's about being a team.

But I can tell you this for nothing, he's already noticed something is wrong, he doesn't know what and doesn't know how to fix it and he won't if you don't talk to him and ask him to help as a team and remember this also, it's how you out it over to him that matters as much as what you say.

Best of luck

stRf1sh · 2020-01-26T20:45:43+00:00

More self care and allow him to pick up some chores?

Only_one_life · 2020-01-27T01:41:21+00:00

I don’t necessarily agree that commute has to be stressful. It can be your ‘me time’, you can meditate / listen to an audiobook or a podcast, or simply unplug for a bit. I’d also suggest going light on cooking and chores, and do some inverse thinking: “What’s already adding to my daily stress that I can possibly eliminate? How am I involuntarily making my life a tad too overwhelming? What can I deprioritize?”

phoenixtycho · 2020-01-27T00:00:26+00:00

You've talked about being a SAHM or working part-time once you have kids.

Why only a SAHM? Why not be a housewife, or work part time and be a house wife the other part time?

shhhhimtalking · 2020-02-06T09:37:03+00:00

If you work longer hours, why do you do all the chores and cooking? You both work full time. At the moment, you're not a stay at home wife with 'traditional' gender roles, so why is he not contributing?

HappilyMrs · 2020-01-26T15:08:46+00:00

Can you be a SAHW?

nessabhensley · 2020-01-26T16:10:43+00:00

Stress is bad for your fertility. Maybe get checked for fertility levels at your doctor. If everything is alright, you should be pregnant soon. If you do not want to keep a career, then you would have enough info to cut back on hours/get a new job until you want to quit completely.

baby--bunny · 2020-01-26T19:09:13+00:00

It's really just not possible to - home cook all of your meals, do all of the domestic tasks, work full time, always look great while doing it, make time for your relationship, and make time for yourself. It isn't a personal failing there is just simply not enough time in the day. The first things to suffer are your care your for relationships or for yourself. It really does sound like you're doing an unreasonable amount, so my advice would be to just do less. You've said in other comments that you don't want to work part time now. Would you and your partner be okay with splitting chores and meals? Could you sacrifice your time doing makeup and hair everyday? Take a good look at your schedule, figure out what is least important, get rid of that.

I will say that making the change to part time work was the best decision I ever made for my home and myself. My partner was a lot less stressed and a lot happier and loving overall as the home was in better shape, but also I was in a better place mentally. It allowed me to not stress about finances, and it actually helped me make the choice to go back to school and finally get a degree now that I have the time.

This isn't the case for everyone, honestly maybe it would be best to sit down with your partner and figure out what would work best for your lives together. Would he rather help with chores more or finances more?

Also keep in mind that these roles are flexible, they change as life changes, especially if you plan on getting pregnant. I was very much in the mindset for awhile of "He works, I'm just in school, must keep perfect home..." There have been days around finals week when I was also working a part time job when he took over dinner whether it meant cooking for both of us or ordering food. When I got pregnant, I was so sick in my first trimester he had to fend for himself and make sandwiches or order takeout sometimes. I'm recovering from oral surgery and he did the was for me. It's okay to say "I'm having a really rough time. I just can't do this tonight" once in awhile, if you guys don't want to make any major changes to your lifestyle.

OXOzymandias · 2020-01-26T19:24:12+00:00

Guy lurking here.

My aunt had 3 miscarriage because of stress (work and taking care of her dying mother). Decrease the work and the housework, be cool and relax. You better realise that if you burnout a lot of things will be impacted: future, family, finance, ... take care of yourself.

Title	How to prevent burnout?
Author	trophicsec
Upvotes	39
Comments	35
Date	January 26, 2020 2:27 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/eu7b83/how_to_prevent_burnout/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-prevent-burnout.315217 https://theredarchive.com/post/315217

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